Why did the chicken cross the road?
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28-03-2016, 02:40 PM (This post was last modified: 28-03-2016 02:56 PM by Old Man Marsh.)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
From an ancient chain email:

WHY DID THE CHICKEN
CROSS THE ROAD?

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was an historical
inevitability.

Hamlet: Because 'tis better to suffer in
the mind the slings and arrows of
outrageous road maintenance than to
take arms against a sea of oncoming
vehicles.

Doug Hofstadter: To seek explication of
the correspondence between
appearance and essence through the
mapping of the external road-object
onto the internal road-concept.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view
it with admiration, as a chicken which
has the daring and courage to boldly
cross the road, but also with fear, for
whom among them has the strength to
contend with such a paragon of avian
virtue? In such a manner is the princely
chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of
light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

H.P. Lovecraft: To futilely attempt
escape from the dark powers which even
then pursued it, hungering after the stuff
of its soul!

Jacques Derrida: Any number of
contending discourses may be
discovered within the act of the chicken
crossing the road, and each
interpretation is equally valid as the
authorial intent can never be discerned,
because structuralism is DEAD,
DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten
minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Robert Anton Wilson: Because agents of
the Ancient Illuminated Roosters of
Cooperia were controlling it with their
Orbital Mind-Control Lasers as part of
their master plan to take over the world's
egg production.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only
kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long
across the Road, the Road gazes also
across you.

Aleister Crowley: Because it was its True
Will to do so.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

Sappho: For the touch of your skin, the
sweetness of your lips...

J.R.R. Tolkein: The chicken, sunlight
coruscating off its radiant yellow- white
coat of feathers, approached the dark,
sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it
intently with its obsidian-black eyes.
Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt
into blinding focus: the rough texture of
the surface, over which count- less tires
had worked their relentless tread
through the ages; the innumerable
fragments of stone embedded within the
lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from
the great pits where the Sons of Man
labored not far from here; the dull black
asphalt itself, exuding those waves of
heat which distort the sight and bring
weakness to the body; the other
attributes of the great highway too
numerous to give name. And then it
crossed it.

Malcolm X: Because it would get across
that road by any means necessary.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external
influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to
develop in such a fashion that it would
tend to cross roads, even while believing
these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in
the cultural gestalt necessitated that
individual chickens cross roads at this
historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such
occurrences into being.

Gary Gygax: Because I rolled a 64 on the
"Chicken Random Behaviors" chart on
page 497 of the Dungeon Master's

Trent Reznor: Because the world is
FUCKED UP and it HATES ITSELF for
being such a PITIFUL WHINY USELESS SHIT.

Dorothy Parker: Travel, trouble, music,
art / A kiss, a frock, a rhyme / The
chicken never said they fed its heart /But still they pass its time.

T.S. Eliot: It's not that they cross, but that
they cross like chickens.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good
faith and be true to itself, the chicken
found it necessary to cross the road.

Jean-Luc Picard: To see what's out there.

Darth Vader: Because it could not resist
the power of the Dark Side.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of
"crossing" was encoded into the objects
"chicken" and "road", and circumstances
came into being which caused the
actualization of this potential
occurrence.

John Constantine: Because it'd made a
bollocks of things over on this side of the
road and figured it'd better get out right quick.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken
crossed the road or the road crossed the
chicken depends upon your frame of
reference.

Gandalf: O chicken, do not meddle in the
affairs of roads, for you are tasty and
good with barbecue sauce.

Baldrick: It had a cunning plan.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?

Candide: To cultivate its garden.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you
deny your own chicken-nature.

Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after
coming down from the trees.

Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason
to believe it was dreaming anyway.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not
stop for death.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one
chicken cross?

Epicurus: For fun.

Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the
chicken-hole principle.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the
road; it transcended it.

Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't mind that
chicken. It's from Barcelona.

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an
airplane and couldn't stop its forward
momentum.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously
was female and obviously interpreted
the pole on which the crosswalk sign
was mounted as a phallic symbol of
which she was envious,
selbstverständlich.

Robert Frost: To cross the road less
traveled by.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The
eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.Alone.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure
which side of the road the chicken was
on, but it was moving very fast.

Adolf Hitler: It needed Lebensraum.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an
unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of
nerve gas on it.

Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which
was on the other side of the road.

John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross.

Martin Luther King: It had a dream.

James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where
no chicken has gone before.

Jean-Luc Picard: To boldly go where no
bird has gone before.

Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped
when I opened the run.

Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus
dressed up as a chicken? He's into that
kind of thing, you know.

Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best
possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this
talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle
who thought he was a chicken. My aunt
almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois
middle-class struggle.

Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.

John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend
to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend
to cross the road.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it fuckin' wanted
to. That's the fuckin' reason.

Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

Michael Palin: Nobody expects the
banished inky chicken!

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a
chicken on the other side of the road.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I can't recall why, uh,
um. Did you say it was a chicken?

Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer
appears in Dirichlet's lectures.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too
happy to provide the transportation, so
quite understandably the chicken availed
himself of the opportunity.

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at
the corner druggist.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Margaret Thatcher: There was no
alternative.

Bill Clinton: Did someone say chicken?
Why I think I'll just chase that chick
across the road and snatch me a piece.

Beavis: Heh heh, he said "snatch." Heh
heh, heh heh.

Butthead: Shut up, Bevis, or I'll smack
you so hard you'll end up on the other
side of the road.

Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle
into that good night.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately
... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing
has been greatly exaggerated.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see
me sometime.

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

William Wordsworth: To have something
to recollect in tranquility.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ...

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never
reach the other side.

Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam
was na functioning properly. Ah canna
work miracles, Captain!

Howard Cosell: It may very well have
been one of the most astonishing events
to grace the annals of history. An
historic, unprecedented avian biped with
the temerity to attempt such an
herculean achievement formerly
relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is
truly a remarkable occurrence.

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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[+] 11 users Like Old Man Marsh's post
07-07-2016, 09:27 AM
RE: Why did the chicken cross the road?
[Image: 1467836798783.jpeg]

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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07-07-2016, 10:23 AM
RE: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the dead baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to a chicken.... -- Stephen King.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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07-07-2016, 10:24 AM
RE: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why wouldn't the skeleton cross the road?

No guts.
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07-07-2016, 10:27 AM
RE: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the hooker cross the road?

It'll cost you $50 bucks to find out......

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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07-07-2016, 10:27 AM
RE: Why did the chicken cross the road?
(28-03-2016 02:40 PM)Old Man Marsh Wrote:  From an ancient chain email:

WHY DID THE CHICKEN
CROSS THE ROAD?

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was an historical
inevitability.

Hamlet: Because 'tis better to suffer in
the mind the slings and arrows of
outrageous road maintenance than to
take arms against a sea of oncoming
vehicles.

Doug Hofstadter: To seek explication of
the correspondence between
appearance and essence through the
mapping of the external road-object
onto the internal road-concept.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view
it with admiration, as a chicken which
has the daring and courage to boldly
cross the road, but also with fear, for
whom among them has the strength to
contend with such a paragon of avian
virtue? In such a manner is the princely
chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of
light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

H.P. Lovecraft: To futilely attempt
escape from the dark powers which even
then pursued it, hungering after the stuff
of its soul!

Jacques Derrida: Any number of
contending discourses may be
discovered within the act of the chicken
crossing the road, and each
interpretation is equally valid as the
authorial intent can never be discerned,
because structuralism is DEAD,
DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten
minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Robert Anton Wilson: Because agents of
the Ancient Illuminated Roosters of
Cooperia were controlling it with their
Orbital Mind-Control Lasers as part of
their master plan to take over the world's
egg production.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only
kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long
across the Road, the Road gazes also
across you.

Aleister Crowley: Because it was its True
Will to do so.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

Sappho: For the touch of your skin, the
sweetness of your lips...

J.R.R. Tolkein: The chicken, sunlight
coruscating off its radiant yellow- white
coat of feathers, approached the dark,
sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it
intently with its obsidian-black eyes.
Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt
into blinding focus: the rough texture of
the surface, over which count- less tires
had worked their relentless tread
through the ages; the innumerable
fragments of stone embedded within the
lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from
the great pits where the Sons of Man
labored not far from here; the dull black
asphalt itself, exuding those waves of
heat which distort the sight and bring
weakness to the body; the other
attributes of the great highway too
numerous to give name. And then it
crossed it.

Malcolm X: Because it would get across
that road by any means necessary.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external
influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to
develop in such a fashion that it would
tend to cross roads, even while believing
these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in
the cultural gestalt necessitated that
individual chickens cross roads at this
historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such
occurrences into being.

Gary Gygax: Because I rolled a 64 on the
"Chicken Random Behaviors" chart on
page 497 of the Dungeon Master's

Trent Reznor: Because the world is
FUCKED UP and it HATES ITSELF for
being such a PITIFUL WHINY USELESS SHIT.

Dorothy Parker: Travel, trouble, music,
art / A kiss, a frock, a rhyme / The
chicken never said they fed its heart /But still they pass its time.

T.S. Eliot: It's not that they cross, but that
they cross like chickens.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good
faith and be true to itself, the chicken
found it necessary to cross the road.

Jean-Luc Picard: To see what's out there.

Darth Vader: Because it could not resist
the power of the Dark Side.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of
"crossing" was encoded into the objects
"chicken" and "road", and circumstances
came into being which caused the
actualization of this potential
occurrence.

John Constantine: Because it'd made a
bollocks of things over on this side of the
road and figured it'd better get out right quick.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken
crossed the road or the road crossed the
chicken depends upon your frame of
reference.

Gandalf: O chicken, do not meddle in the
affairs of roads, for you are tasty and
good with barbecue sauce.

Baldrick: It had a cunning plan.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?

Candide: To cultivate its garden.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you
deny your own chicken-nature.

Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after
coming down from the trees.

Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason
to believe it was dreaming anyway.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not
stop for death.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one
chicken cross?

Epicurus: For fun.

Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the
chicken-hole principle.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the
road; it transcended it.

Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't mind that
chicken. It's from Barcelona.

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an
airplane and couldn't stop its forward
momentum.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously
was female and obviously interpreted
the pole on which the crosswalk sign
was mounted as a phallic symbol of
which she was envious,
selbstverständlich.

Robert Frost: To cross the road less
traveled by.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The
eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.Alone.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure
which side of the road the chicken was
on, but it was moving very fast.

Adolf Hitler: It needed Lebensraum.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an
unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of
nerve gas on it.

Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which
was on the other side of the road.

John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross.

Martin Luther King: It had a dream.

James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where
no chicken has gone before.

Jean-Luc Picard: To boldly go where no
bird has gone before.

Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped
when I opened the run.

Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus
dressed up as a chicken? He's into that
kind of thing, you know.

Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best
possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this
talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle
who thought he was a chicken. My aunt
almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois
middle-class struggle.

Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.

John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend
to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend
to cross the road.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it fuckin' wanted
to. That's the fuckin' reason.

Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

Michael Palin: Nobody expects the
banished inky chicken!

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a
chicken on the other side of the road.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I can't recall why, uh,
um. Did you say it was a chicken?

Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer
appears in Dirichlet's lectures.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too
happy to provide the transportation, so
quite understandably the chicken availed
himself of the opportunity.

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at
the corner druggist.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Margaret Thatcher: There was no
alternative.

Bill Clinton: Did someone say chicken?
Why I think I'll just chase that chick
across the road and snatch me a piece.

Beavis: Heh heh, he said "snatch." Heh
heh, heh heh.

Butthead: Shut up, Bevis, or I'll smack
you so hard you'll end up on the other
side of the road.

Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle
into that good night.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately
... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing
has been greatly exaggerated.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see
me sometime.

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

William Wordsworth: To have something
to recollect in tranquility.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ...

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never
reach the other side.

Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam
was na functioning properly. Ah canna
work miracles, Captain!

Howard Cosell: It may very well have
been one of the most astonishing events
to grace the annals of history. An
historic, unprecedented avian biped with
the temerity to attempt such an
herculean achievement formerly
relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is
truly a remarkable occurrence.
John Kerry, it voted not to cross the road before it crossed it.
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07-07-2016, 12:55 PM (This post was last modified: 07-07-2016 02:28 PM by Fireball.)
RE: Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to "the other side".

Too dark/religious?
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07-07-2016, 01:56 PM
RE: Why did the chicken cross the road?
I wish for a world where the chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned...

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
- Wotsefack?! -
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07-07-2016, 02:57 PM
RE: Why did the chicken cross the road?
WDTCCTR?

To prove to the possum that it COULD be done.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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