Why do Christians insist that God is necessary for a good marriage?
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18-05-2014, 10:32 PM
Why do Christians insist that God is necessary for a good marriage?
I'm new to the forum and may not be in the right place, but I need to vent.

Why do Christians insist in their churches and marriage counseling books that God (their God) is essential to a lasting, loving marriage when they MUST KNOW that there are many, many non-Christian couples out there with just such a marriage. My mom tried to force me and my husband (neither of us Christians) to go to marriage counseling with a PASTOR, not because we are having problems, but because she believes that a good marriage can only come from enacting advice based solely on a Christian worldview! Then a few days ago a childhood friend of mine who is now a YOUTH MISSIONARY posted that a husband can only truly demonstrate love to his wife if he knows the love of GOD (THEIR GOD)! Seriously?! Do they know what they're even saying?! Facepalm

My annoyance with this widespread misconception was reignited tonight when I searched online for advice on maintaining love and respect in marriage and only that popped was some Christian rubbish singing tunes about how men need respect and women need love...as if love and respect are not two way streets! Yeah real sound advice, reducing women to love crazed girls and men to egotistical authoritarians!
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19-05-2014, 12:20 AM
RE: Why do Christians insist that God is necessary for a good marriage?
Because they insist that their god is necessary for everything else to work.

My question for you is, why wouldn't they include him in marriage?


Welcome to the forum, btw. Smile

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. - Chinese Proverb
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19-05-2014, 12:48 AM
RE: Why do Christians insist that God is necessary for a good marriage?
I don't understand it either. My wife now is coming to the conclusion that she isn't happy and it's because she doesn't get to share her religion with her husband. It's caused all sorts of problems and such that I am so desperate to go to therapy that I would agree to pray with her just so she will go. She thinks it too expensive and not worth the money because I honestly think she thinks that God will fix it and I'M THE REASON our marriage is going to fail. I don't get in her way of worship but I've had some discussions with her about her faith and it never goes well. Leading her to believe that this marriage WILL only work if God gets involved. We'll see what happens.
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19-05-2014, 01:27 AM
RE: Why do Christians insist that God is necessary for a good marriage?
Well, the same applies to moral and some other basic conceptions on how the society works. Christian people think that it's impossible to live in the society if you don't believe in god and thus get your morals and ideas on how to behave "normally". Of course for anyone with a functioning brain it's pretty clear that morals, normal human relationships and other social rules have evolved through our natural behavior and the advances in the society surrounding us.
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19-05-2014, 11:16 AM
RE: Why do Christians insist that God is necessary for a good marriage?
(19-05-2014 12:48 AM)ExPat_Matt Wrote:  I don't understand it either. My wife now is coming to the conclusion that she isn't happy and it's because she doesn't get to share her religion with her husband. It's caused all sorts of problems and such that I am so desperate to go to therapy that I would agree to pray with her just so she will go. She thinks it too expensive and not worth the money because I honestly think she thinks that God will fix it and I'M THE REASON our marriage is going to fail. I don't get in her way of worship but I've had some discussions with her about her faith and it never goes well. Leading her to believe that this marriage WILL only work if God gets involved. We'll see what happens.

I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage. I wish you the best.

I think this message is really meant to encourage Christians to marry within the fold, because I would wholeheartedly agree that it's hard to have a strong marriage when one member is staunchly devoted to a religion (any religion) and the other has a different beliefs (as you know from experience). But, I wish they would just be upfront about it, and not make sweeping claims that essentially say that non-Christians don't know true love and can't have a good marriage. I probably wouldn't be so bothered by it if my parents didn't basically tell me this to my face!
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19-05-2014, 11:20 AM
RE: Why do Christians insist that God is necessary for a good marriage?
(19-05-2014 12:20 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  Because they insist that their god is necessary for everything else to work.

My question for you is, why wouldn't they include him in marriage?


Welcome to the forum, btw. Smile

Of course, they would. But, it just bothers me that shelter themselves so much from the rest of the world that many of them don't even know that other people have good marriages too!
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19-05-2014, 11:23 AM
RE: Why do Christians insist that God is necessary for a good marriage?
(19-05-2014 11:16 AM)lovehumanitynotinsanity Wrote:  
(19-05-2014 12:48 AM)ExPat_Matt Wrote:  I don't understand it either. My wife now is coming to the conclusion that she isn't happy and it's because she doesn't get to share her religion with her husband. It's caused all sorts of problems and such that I am so desperate to go to therapy that I would agree to pray with her just so she will go. She thinks it too expensive and not worth the money because I honestly think she thinks that God will fix it and I'M THE REASON our marriage is going to fail. I don't get in her way of worship but I've had some discussions with her about her faith and it never goes well. Leading her to believe that this marriage WILL only work if God gets involved. We'll see what happens.

I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage. I wish you the best.

I think this message is really meant to encourage Christians to marry within the fold, because I would wholeheartedly agree that it's hard to have a strong marriage when one member is staunchly devoted to a religion (any religion) and the other has a different beliefs (as you know from experience). But, I wish they would just be upfront about it, and not make sweeping claims that essentially say that non-Christians don't know true love and can't have a good marriage. I probably wouldn't be so bothered by it if my parents didn't basically tell me this to my face!

You are mistaken. It really is the deep rooted believe that nothing can be good with out god/christ/etc. My wife has told me several time our marriage could be better if it was centered on christ.
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19-05-2014, 11:42 AM
RE: Why do Christians insist that God is necessary for a good marriage?
Welcome!

I can empathize with you. Let me see if I can at least put a smile on your face by telling you a personal story.

When my then fiancee was looking for a church for our wedding there was this cute, intimate Babtist church near where she lived. At the time I was working in Miami and she was in Orlando.

She stops in one day and meets the pastor. She explains the situation and he says that we must first be sponsored by two member families. She thinks OK that can be overcome. Then the pastor insists that we must take marriage counseling classes because "he, and only be, can remove the masks and see our true intentions".

She says this isn't possible because I live in Miami four plus hours away but the pastor continues to insist. He goes on to say that once people live together after marriage it's then too late.

Apparently they go round and round and in frustration my fiancee says "Look, we've been living together on and off now for nearly two years. I can assure you we're compatible".

Silence ensues and then the pastor yells "fornicators"! GaspLaughat

Needless to say we weren't married there and this year will be our 25th wedding anniversary. Big Grin

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
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19-05-2014, 11:54 AM
RE: Why do Christians insist that God is necessary for a good marriage?
(19-05-2014 11:23 AM)wazzel Wrote:  
(19-05-2014 11:16 AM)lovehumanitynotinsanity Wrote:  I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage. I wish you the best.

I think this message is really meant to encourage Christians to marry within the fold, because I would wholeheartedly agree that it's hard to have a strong marriage when one member is staunchly devoted to a religion (any religion) and the other has a different beliefs (as you know from experience). But, I wish they would just be upfront about it, and not make sweeping claims that essentially say that non-Christians don't know true love and can't have a good marriage. I probably wouldn't be so bothered by it if my parents didn't basically tell me this to my face!

You are mistaken. It really is the deep rooted believe that nothing can be good with out god/christ/etc. My wife has told me several time our marriage could be better if it was centered on christ.

I think there are at least two types. Many Christians MUST realize on some level that these claims are unfounded, because they have enough experience in the real world. BUT, they think this stuff is okay to be out there, because ultimately if it keeps Christians from being unequally yoked then that's a good thing. I think my dad is this type. My mom, on the other hand, really believes this stuff as your wife does. Fortunately, my Christian friends (in their 20's/early 30's) recognize the naivete of this way of thinking, so maybe there's hope! Granted considering they are still my friends even after coming as an atheist, they may be a biased sample.
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19-05-2014, 12:04 PM
RE: Why do Christians insist that God is necessary for a good marriage?
(19-05-2014 11:42 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  Welcome!

I can empathize with you. Let me see if I can at least put a smile on your face by telling you a personal story.

When my then fiancee was looking for a church for our wedding there was this cute, intimate Babtist church near where she lived. At the time I was working in Miami and she was in Orlando.

She stops in one day and meets the pastor. She explains the situation and he says that we must first be sponsored by two member families. She thinks OK that can be overcome. Then the pastor insists that we must take marriage counseling classes because "he, and only be, can remove the masks and see our true intentions".

She says this isn't possible because I live in Miami four plus hours away but the pastor continues to insist. He goes on to say that once people live together after marriage it's then too late.

Apparently they go round and round and in frustration my fiancee says "Look, we've been living together on and off now for nearly two years. I can assure you we're compatible".

Silence ensues and then the pastor yells "fornicators"! GaspLaughat

Needless to say we weren't married there and this year will be our 25th wedding anniversary. Big Grin

HA that did make smile, thanks!

All that non-sense with the "true intentions" really gets me. I mean you obviously weren't marrying just for sex... you were already doing it! I knew many ppl from my year at Bible College who either were already having sex and felt bad about it, thus needed to be right in God's eyes by getting married. OR, they couldn't contain themselves and got married after 6 months at the age of 18, 19, or 20! Those are the WORST possible intentions!
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