Why does it hurt so much?
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10-11-2014, 05:52 PM
Why does it hurt so much?
This may seem like a silly thing to be complaining about, especially on a forum, and especially compared with what other people are going through, but I simply cannot bottle it up anymore. So, here it goes.

Six years. Six long years. That's how long I had had a crush on her. I had known her since the 1st grade. We've known each other all that time, though not especially well. Our parents would talk a lot, so we ended up hanging around each other a lot leading up to high school. She knew I had a crush on her from early on (By the way, I'm in my senior year right now). Over the years, I've tried to make subtle advances. A kind word here, a rose there, nothing too showy. Then comes that class trip to D.C. She had been hanging out with a guy that she was good friends with, and one that I am acquainted with. They sat together on the bus to and back. No problem, I thought, they're just good friends. Sure, they danced together for a long while at last year's dance. They know each other well. She even put her head on his lap and fell asleep on the bus ride back. Yeah, just good friends.

Come Monday, school proceeds as normal all the way to 9th period. The bell rings. She's at the back of the class chatting with her friends, when those words slip. "I've got a boyfriend." Her friends pressure her for details while my ears prick up. Yes, it's that same guy on the bus. From what it seems, the feeling is mutual. They're going out. She's happy with that. So is he. I am a different story.

Now, don't get me wrong. If she's happy,then good for her. I'll let them be. No more advances. We are simply good acquaintances from here on in. I can let go. Still, questions race around in my head. Was it all for naught? Was I not up front enough (I did ask her out once. She was apparently busy.) ? Was I simply playing up to teenage hormones? Do high school relationships even last that long anyway? Questions aside, if she's happy, and he's happy, then I will let them be. I am capable of that. The thing is, I tell myself that, I believe that, and I am perfectly capable of that. If so, then why does it hurt so much?

Sorry if I'm a bit long winded. I have a hard time getting to the point. Again, sorry for making a big deal out of this.
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10-11-2014, 06:25 PM
RE: Why does it hurt so much?
crushes....sigh...Heart

our hearts fall for them before our brains can say "stop!"

they are called crushes because they crush our feelings.

Some crushes you will carry your whole life, some you get over. Some come back years later and surprise you (either admitting they had a crush for you too or by living their life in such a way that you wonder WTF did I ever see in them?)


From someone who has been thru high school, college and many, many years in between, I wish you many crushes, one will eventually work out into love, maybe even a few of them.

love stinks! yeah, yeah!







but really it makes the world go round.

Hug


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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12-11-2014, 10:03 AM
RE: Why does it hurt so much?
To paraphrase Butters: it is the pain that lets you know that you are alive and is what makes life worth living. This will pass and you will meet someone who cares for you in return as much as you care for her. I had a huge crush on a girl from grade school through high school (almost 10 years) and it sounds eerily similar to your story. I am 35 now and have been with my wife for the last 14 years. I wouldn't trade that for anything. Falling is hard but it is what you learn from it and what you do with it that makes all the difference. Don't give up on women, there are tons out there and there are many good ones. As a side note: out of my class of 250 kids, only 2 couples are still together. HS sweethearts who stay together are the exception, not the norm.

And don't apologize for a long post. If it feels better to get it off your chest, then let the letters fly my friend.

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The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
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12-11-2014, 11:24 AM
RE: Why does it hurt so much?
Don't waste your time on her until you know she's worth it... Otherwise you'll end up missing a bunch of other great girls. And, one day you'll wake up and realize that every year you're dating more fucked up women because as you get older, more and more of the good ones are taken... So you start asking whether you should settle, or risk the continuing downward trend in hopes that somewhere down the line you'll meet some amazing girl that was just tied up with the wrong guy for all this time... *sigh*
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12-11-2014, 11:37 AM
RE: Why does it hurt so much?
Love is a fickle thing, man. As to why it hurts so much, I defer to good ole wikipedia on the subject of the biological basis for love: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biological_basis_of_love

I can honestly say I've only experienced what I would call love once. In fact, she is the only person I really say the word to (Excluding my parents). Don't wait. But don't give up. Search for other opprotunities, and maybe she might chase you. Either way, don't devote your whole focus onto just one. You are (presumably) young. Got a whole life ahead of you.

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12-11-2014, 12:52 PM
RE: Why does it hurt so much?
Oh dear, my first love. It was fiery. It consumed me. His name was Peter. We kissed. We stole away and hid and kissed. It was heaven.

Then he kissed my best friend. Of course, she told me.

Oh the pain, the misery! My world collapsed. I dumped him. He kept coming around and I was in so much pain I had to be ice cold to not start crying at the sight of him. I was super mean to him.

Many years later, I can't even remember what he looked like. Only thing I remember is the kisses and my pain.

It's the first time you lose a love. It's hard to swallow. It's confusing. It attacks your ego. It seems all overpowering. You feel like you are out of control.

It will pass, there will be other loves... Heart

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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12-11-2014, 01:11 PM
RE: Why does it hurt so much?
This is what makes you the person you are becoming. We are all products of our experiences, our pains and our accomplishments. It molds us. Look at it this way: To become physically strong you have to tear muscles, then they regrow stronger. This is what's happening to you as a man. You are being torn right now, except it's emotional. You will heal all the stronger, and will learn from this. Next time, maybe you aren't as passive. Maybe you're a little more forward. You live and learn, you see what works and what doesn't. Very few people stay with their high school crushes or sweethearts because these may be fun years, but you will be a completely different man in 10 years, and will that man still want to be with this high school girl? Probably not. You'll be fine, especially the second a cutie stares at you a second too long and you feel it in your gut.

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12-11-2014, 01:40 PM
RE: Why does it hurt so much?
I know it sucks, I think almost everyone has been there.
Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.
It's entirely possible she could be a nightmare in disguise.
Some of us have been there too.
Keep your chin up, you'll find the right one.
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12-11-2014, 05:13 PM
RE: Why does it hurt so much?
(10-11-2014 05:52 PM)Draxironos Wrote:  Again, sorry for making a big deal out of this.

This IS a big deal....the first of many in your life to come. Nothing anyone can say will make the pain go away.....until one day you are walking down the hall and you see a new girl in school and say, "WOW!!"

This is just part of living, dear. I can still remember some of the pain suffered from love lost, and I am 74. Although I look back on some of them and laugh...WTF was I thinking Gasp

Hang in there, Sweetie.....it doesn't last forever Sleepy

Please remember the Native American Indians Heart
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12-11-2014, 05:27 PM
RE: Why does it hurt so much?
(12-11-2014 05:13 PM)justauntb Wrote:  
(10-11-2014 05:52 PM)Draxironos Wrote:  Again, sorry for making a big deal out of this.

This IS a big deal....the first of many in your life to come. Nothing anyone can say will make the pain go away.....until one day you are walking down the hall and you see a new girl in school and say, "WOW!!"

This is just part of living, dear. I can still remember some of the pain suffered from love lost, and I am 74. Although I look back on some of them and laugh...WTF was I thinking Gasp

Hang in there, Sweetie.....it doesn't last forever Sleepy

Heart My grandmother married for the 2nd time at age 76. Hope there is simeone still putting the spunk in your step, and if there isnt, don't stop looking. Thumbsup


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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