Wife Can't be with an Atheist
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
28-10-2015, 01:10 PM
RE: Wife Can't be with an Atheist
I am married to a believer and she only found out about me about a year ago. She has had many sleepless nights I am sure and we weren't able to talk about it until we were reading a christian apologetic. It really pissed her off at first that I didn't buy that garbage and when I told her why, she was upset. The silver lining in all of this is that now, we can talk better with each other. It wasn't easy, but this crap of a book actually did help us, just not in the way it was intended to. So if it comes up again (which I am sure it will sometime) perhaps ask her to pick a book to read together. That way, she will be forced to talk about it to someone who is not agreeing with the conclusion. It may actually get her to think a little more deeply about her beliefs and it may also show her that you have thought about this. Just a suggestion. Good luck.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like The Organic Chemist's post
28-10-2015, 01:34 PM
RE: Wife Can't be with an Atheist
(28-10-2015 12:10 PM)Iñigo Wrote:  Lot's of people here are in a similar situation. Reaffirm that you still love her and your children and that you are still a dedicated father and husband and that you are still the same person, the only thing that has changed is your belief in god. Then give it time and be patient. Sorry you are going through this.

I am at a loss sometimes of what to say, but Iñigo summed it up.
She needs to know that you won't turn the children into a battlefield. She needs to do the same. I would think that this is the biggest fear and hurdle.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
29-10-2015, 12:00 PM
RE: Wife Can't be with an Atheist
So Update... but before I do that, let me clarify a few things:

I had been struggling with this internally for a while, I had finally decided that I didn't. I tried talking to my wife once and it didn't go well. I then didn't talk about my change at all until I went online on one of my podcasts and came out. She found out via an email update. So she felt betrayed that I didn't go to her and went online and such. Which is fair, and I've apologized and made a commitment to not doing it further.

So now:

We discussed things out and she was adamant they be brought up in a christian home, and they be brought up because their eternal soul is in the mix. I didn't disagree that we could continue to bring them up going to church and such. I am a stay at home dad and she didn't know if i should be on because of the kids. Ultimately, It was actually a good conversation overall and we were very loving and able to come together and go through things. We were even playful today..

Until I find out that she unfriended me on facebook yesterday (Pre talk) and went to tell everyone how now I was an atheist (Which i didn't talk to our friends/family yet - just on the podcast) and ofcourse what should she do. She claims she needed to talk to people and she didn't want me and my 'atheist friends' to see it..

For me, this set us back to square one.. I just don't know. It feels really bad, but she'll just say its the same kind of betrayal.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Losoyo's post
29-10-2015, 12:22 PM
RE: Wife Can't be with an Atheist
(29-10-2015 12:00 PM)Losoyo Wrote:  Until I find out that she unfriended me on facebook yesterday (Pre talk) and went to tell everyone how now I was an atheist (Which i didn't talk to our friends/family yet - just on the podcast) and ofcourse what should she do. She claims she needed to talk to people and she didn't want me and my 'atheist friends' to see it..

For me, this set us back to square one.. I just don't know. It feels really bad, but she'll just say its the same kind of betrayal.
Yes, that is indeed effed up, and a betrayal of sorts. She should have private messaged/instant messaged people she wanted to talk to, not blocked you from her social network and used it as a counseling session about you and her relationship. If I were in your shoes, I could only have the difficult conversation of expressing how this made me feel.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Adrianime's post
29-10-2015, 12:28 PM
RE: Wife Can't be with an Atheist
Not that I have any experience in the sphere of marriage, but I would just try to be the best husband/father you can. It's not surprising you were met with bigotry when you came out, that's a common response. If you can show her that you don't have to have god to be a good person, she may come to see that atheism doesn't define you. Or she might be beyond any help, I don't know. Good luck man

A man should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. -Ferris Bueller

That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom. -Jack Sparrow
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
29-10-2015, 12:43 PM
RE: Wife Can't be with an Atheist
(29-10-2015 12:00 PM)Losoyo Wrote:  ...
and of course what should she do. She claims she needed to talk to people
...

I feel like I'm pointing out the obvious here, but that's kinda what this thread is about, right?

So, presumably, it shouldn't be too difficult to empathise with her actions?

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes DLJ's post
29-10-2015, 12:57 PM
RE: Wife Can't be with an Atheist
(29-10-2015 12:43 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(29-10-2015 12:00 PM)Losoyo Wrote:  ...
and of course what should she do. She claims she needed to talk to people
...

I feel like I'm pointing out the obvious here, but that's kinda what this thread is about, right?

So, presumably, it shouldn't be too difficult to empathise with her actions?
I agree to some extent, but it seems pretty terrible etiquette to block somebody out of your existing social circle in order to talk about them. Reaching out to individuals, or to support groups is one thing, but saying, "Hi everybody I know, looks like my husband is an atheist. I know many of you know him as well, and really have no business knowing his religious affiliation, or of our marital problems...But don't worry, I blocked him so he can't even see us talking about him!"

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
29-10-2015, 02:31 PM
RE: Wife Can't be with an Atheist
(29-10-2015 12:00 PM)Losoyo Wrote:  We discussed things out and she was adamant they be brought up in a christian home, and they be brought up because their eternal soul is in the mix.

You should point out to her that she can accomplish this goal while staying married to you. Call her attention to the verse that Rocket Scientist quoted in post 7.

Here is another verse you might point out to her:

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
(1 Peter 3:1-2 ESV)

If it could be demonstrated that any complex organ existed, which could not possibly have been formed by numerous, successive, slight modifications, my theory would absolutely break down.
Charles Darwin
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
30-10-2015, 07:38 AM
RE: Wife Can't be with an Atheist
(29-10-2015 12:43 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(29-10-2015 12:00 PM)Losoyo Wrote:  ...
and of course what should she do. She claims she needed to talk to people
...

I feel like I'm pointing out the obvious here, but that's kinda what this thread is about, right?

So, presumably, it shouldn't be too difficult to empathise with her actions?

...except who is "Losoyo" here but an anonymous poster? I think there is a distinct difference, since she is known in a public social circle.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
30-10-2015, 09:44 AM
RE: Wife Can't be with an Atheist
Losoyo

I feel for you man. I've gone and have been going threw the same thing with my wife. We talked about it before we got married though but we had dated for about 3 or 4 years at that point. Our largest fights are usually over religion. It doesn't come up that often, but when I dose I feel I make some progression. These are some key points that I've brought up that have calm the arguments.

I brought up how our relationship was based on more then religious beliefs.

Her former relationships with "men" in her faith, never went well. They never made the attempt to support her, or stand by her like I had. Instead they abused her.

I've explained the Atheist position, how it's a response to one question. "Do you think there is a God?" and the response "I don't know. But it's very unlikely."

How I am the same person when I was a believer or when she thought I was a believer. I like the same foods, the same shows. I may care a little more about people now because I now the time I have with them is fleeting.

When I need to vent I usually come here. It's my little safe haven for my ideas. And I know she wouldn't visit a sight like this.

We've shared some great time's together my wife and I. I bring those up when points have to be made.

A final nail could be "If you based our enter marriage soulie on the religious belief and not on the love we shared for each other. Or the good times we have had. The tangable moments. Then you based our marriage on a lie. I for one still love that woman I married ___ years ago. I wonder what that say about that faith?"

Anyway keep us posted.

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: