Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
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30-04-2013, 08:53 AM
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
Do what you gotta do to protect your son.


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Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


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30-04-2013, 07:27 PM (This post was last modified: 30-04-2013 07:43 PM by cbb2274.)
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
ReasonandScience Wrote:She wants to go to start going to church again on Sundays and she also wants to attend Bethel School of Ministry (which by the way costs 4000 to attend). Bethel is a Mega-church that draws people from all around the world and has a weekly attendance of around 3000 people.

ReasonandScience Wrote:Of course, her response was "I cannot support you going to those meetings and being fed a bunch of lies" (this coming from someone who believes that the earth is 6000 years old and that we coexisted with peacefully dinosaurs).

ReasonandScience Wrote:This all would not hit me so hard if we did not have a son together. I am a full time student studying evolutionary biology and also a full time dad as my wife works most days of the week.

I'd be amazed if you told me this was the first time this subject has come up between you and your wife. She must have seen some inkling of your views on religion. How did this conversation begin?

ReasonandScience Wrote:I can lie and say that I believe in God but at the end of the day thats all it is, a lie. I would rather be proud of what[/b] I am over pretending to be something that I am really not just to fit in.

Have you been lying about it? I'm not here to judge you. In fact, I've lied about this plenty.
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01-05-2013, 12:22 AM
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
No I have always been honest with her. I feel think to lie is to recoil from relationship. I have a bookshelf full of atheist books including: The God Delusion, God is Not Great, The Gospel of the Flying Spagetti Monster etc...

The conversation arose because I had to go to my college to get some signatures from students who would support a group that I started which is an affiliate of the secular student alliance.
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01-05-2013, 02:15 AM
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
It's sad to hear how you're being abandoned by your wife because of atheism. Betrayal like that hurts so deeply, and it must feel like you've had part of your body ripped away. Having gone through divorce (different reason) myself, I remember how painful the grieving and rebuilding stages are, and I'm glad you have this forum for support. It is a slow process, recovering from something like this, and you'll have good days and bad days, and a lot of days in the middle. Please lean on this community when you need to, and you will need to. All I can tell you definitely is it won't hurt forever. Hang in there.

"I was gambling in Havana. I took a little risk. Send lawyers, guns and money. Dad, get me out of this."

"Keep an open mind, but not so open your brain falls out."
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01-05-2013, 02:37 AM
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
Thank you for those words. And I'm glad that I can still count on humanity! It's a magical thing! It's amazing how I can receive more support from those I have never met then from those whom I share a closet genetic match with.
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01-05-2013, 06:45 AM
Re: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
So has she left or is she talking about leaving? Perhaps if the two of you could let this not be this urgent conflict in your relationship, perhaps if you give each other time to get used to this change in your relationship. Perhaps you could find a truce on this issue and let love shine through in all of the other issues in your lives together.
If the first she knew about your atheism was two weeks ago then I frankly am not surprised if she is at defcon 1 still. Giving up your relationship in such a short time over wanting to be honest with her and yourself does not exactly sound fair to her.
If you care for this woman I suggest giving her at least 6 months or more to get used to the idea before giving up on her. Try to accommodate her requests but stay clear and firm on what you believe our disbelieve, and why. Try to let this issue slide into the background.
Feel free to ignore my input here, but my feeling is that most relationships are worth keeping... and certainly not losing over a disagreement over religion. Not all relationships, but I think most.
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01-05-2013, 07:22 AM
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
Hafnof, I want to make it work with her and don't want it to end. It's her who wants it to be over and I have attempted to tell her to just live and let live and she said that she needs someone who will support her religion and be there at churn with her and pray with her etc...
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01-05-2013, 07:47 AM (This post was last modified: 01-05-2013 08:17 PM by Full Circle.)
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
(01-05-2013 07:22 AM)ReasonandScience Wrote:  Hafnof, I want to make it work with her and don't want it to end. It's her who wants it to be over and I have attempted to tell her to just live and let live and she said that she needs someone who will support her religion and be there at churn with her and pray with her etc...

Then it's mostly out of your hands now. She would rather not make accomodations for your different point of view than stay with you. I feel for you.

Edit:spelling

“I suppose our capacity for self-delusion is boundless."
― John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley: In Search of America
“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's." - Mark Twain in Eruption
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01-05-2013, 07:56 AM
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
But let me get this straight, right? You drop this bombshell just a couple of weeks ago. While she's reeling about the fact you're going to hell and you are everything her mother warned her about and all of the children she imagined having with you will probably be corrupted and consigned to hell too... While she's coming to terms with the idea you are under the influence of Satan... That's the point where you tell her you're starting your own atheist club and aren't just under Satan's influence but one of his fang generals intent on dragging her to hell also... This is the point she freaks out and gives you the ever so convincing argument of "come back to Christianity if you love me"... Is this an accurate characterisation of what has happened here?

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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01-05-2013, 09:28 AM (This post was last modified: 01-05-2013 09:33 AM by Weeeeee_Zard.)
Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
Man, if there was true love this wouldn't be happening. She is not to rely on if this is true.
Now, there is a lot of crap that comes out of an emotional mouth that is not solid and won't be done. So, you can just ignore this behavior of hers and carry on with doing your best, the attention you can be giving to this manipulation fuels the attitude and gives her a grasp of your balls.

Beware that when you show somebody that you can be submissive to this extent you have condemned yourself to a shitty relationship where the person in charge is delusional.

I've learned thru years of trial and error that is a mistake to try to have a logical conversation with somebody that can't handle such conversation. The best is hugs and flowers.

The other thing I've learned is to have people do what I want while they think they are doing what they want. Takes skill, reversed psychology, and a lot of unnecessary "aha" and "yeah, you are right". It cannot be explicit.

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