Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
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02-05-2013, 04:08 PM (This post was last modified: 02-05-2013 04:12 PM by kim.)
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
Well R&S, I'm glad I refrained from posting until I had more info.

You've known each other since around 2006 and were married in January of 2012 - just last year. So, she either didn't pay attention when you advised her for the past 7 years that you are faithless or if she did pay attention ... Thumbsup well, there you have it: she figured she could change you.

Advise her of this and maybe she won't continually fuck up the rest of her life by trying to change others rather than herself.
(Who's teaching people this shit? Dodgy )

Then too, there is a chance she may simply be using this as an excuse to get out of this relationship. She sees her out and she's taking it. If it's a true out - that's ok - maybe she was just too young or inexperienced to know what she was doing, relationship wise.

Sorry to have to utter these oft uttered words; cutting ties might be best for all involved.

Hmm. 7 years off your life... Consider wouldn't it be great if you could declare your relationship legally dead? Since it kind of is. Undecided

***
Whatever you do, make sure you get a really great lawyer to deal with it. I can not stress this enough. You want everything fair. Keep your mind as stress free as possible... you'll need it for all the other emotional baggage... and don't be slow to start packing.

Once out, stay out. Do not go back; that does nothing but fuck up her life even more... not to mention yours.

Sorry that happened but, it's good you are able to come here and just let it go. Thumbsup Good luck.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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02-05-2013, 05:27 PM
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
Aw man, that sucks about your kid. It reminds me of this family, the woman and her family divorced the atheist dad and took the kid, not letting them see each other at all. I hope you can see your son as much as you want.

Bury me with my guns on, so when I reach the other side - I can show him what it feels like to die.
Bury me with my guns on, so when I'm cast out of the sky, I can shoot the devil right between the eyes.
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02-05-2013, 05:40 PM
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
(02-05-2013 05:27 PM)Red Tornado Wrote:  Aw man, that sucks about your kid. It reminds me of this family, the woman and her family divorced the atheist dad and took the kid, not letting them see each other at all. I hope you can see your son as much as you want.

We have a deal worked out in which we both get him for 3.5 days a week.
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02-05-2013, 05:55 PM
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
Very sorry to hear this! I'm afraid there's no easy way out. I lived with a very religious woman for eight years. We weren't married, but what's the difference? I took care of her and her son, tried to be a good partner. I even went with her to her church for quite a while. I told her from the start that I am an athiest. You have to understand that christians are basically brainwashed. She is no more capable of accepting your beliefs than you of hers. With us it's reason. With them I think it's really fear! She fears you. Because you are right and she will vanish from all existance one day. She can't accept that.
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03-05-2013, 12:54 AM (This post was last modified: 03-05-2013 12:58 AM by Weeeeee_Zard.)
Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
(01-05-2013 02:22 PM)cbb2274 Wrote:  
(01-05-2013 09:28 AM)Weeeeee_Zard Wrote:  Man, if there was true love this wouldn't be happening. She is not to rely on if this is true.

I don't know if I agree with that assessment. I'm always uncomfortable evaluating the "truth" of a person's feeling. I recently left a long-term loving relationship. It was very difficult because I still care for this person, but I know it would be unhealthy to stay because we'll only feed each other's depression. I think it's entirely possible to love a person who isn't good for you.

How long have you been married?

I think that is possible to love a person that isn't good for you... When did I say the contrary? But that is not what "I consider true love". I guess, under my standards.

I just say that I this was true love, the reasons why she wants to leave him wouldn't be enough to even be an issue.

If you have a relationship where there is depression that each other is feeding with and maybe codependency and who knows what else... Then (IMO) is not true love, call it obsession or codependency or whatever to not be alone... But when you have true love in a relationship you don't mean to hurt, most people never get to even experience it... Mostly because not allowing themselves to flow entirely to avoid getting hurt like this guy...and then end up hurting each other with reservations like hers (can't be with him because [blank])

Maybe she realized how much she loves him and is unconsciously trying to escape to not jump in the water....

But you are right tho, it's within the margins of my opinion and perception of the concept of true love.

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03-05-2013, 01:52 AM (This post was last modified: 03-05-2013 02:07 AM by SingingBear.)
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
It's disgusting how often people will blow apart your life for nothing more than their own selfishness. 'Nevermind what this is going to do to my son and someone I profess(ed) to love, I want ______ (insert petty, fleeting desire) and so I refuse to try to make things work.'

I'm going through it right now. 12 years together. 7 married, 5 living together. 1 wonderful son. I make a decent wage as a correction officer (prison guard) with good state benefits. I'm a fiercely loyal and honest man with a fine sense of humor and, despite the profession, a mild manner and a sweet disposition. My wife left me for a jobless hippy (no offense to the useful pot smoking members of society) so she too could once again be a hippy. When I say jobless, I don't mean he can't find work in the largest city in Ohio. I mean he will not work. Doesn't try. Hasn't for years before my wife moved in with him. She works in a restaurant and doesn't spend much time with my boy. Instead, this loser gets the most time with my son. I get him half the week every week. 2 days of which are my days off. One he spends in either daycare or at my parents. The last day, I have him 'til his mom picks him up at noon.

While all this sucks for me, this is HORRIBLE on my son. His mom moved 70 miles away from me, so he's being shuttled back and forth between Columbus and Jackson twice a week. He spends most of his time under the supervision of a loser. He's confused about Mom and Dad and what to call home.

I tell you-- I want another child eventually, but I doubt I'll have that joy, being too afraid this will happen all over again. I'm never marrying again. It's a real license to steal. They call it a "contract"-- she broke it and my son and I are paying for it.

But forget all my bitching. Here's the most important thing: I say, if it can't be saved, get a lawyer pronto and get on top of this. You don't even need to consult your wife. If it's over, make your move without her. She's no partner to you if she's gonna leave you because you're too intelligent and her mind is rusted shut. You may still love her, but someone who's willing to tear you and your son's lives apart over something such as this is a traitor.

Separate your finances. Take what it yours. Put anything you don't want taken by her someplace she cannot access it. I made the mistakes of not doing these things and been ridden into the ground for my kindness. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.

"The problem with faith is that it really is a conversation stopper. Faith is a declaration of immunity to the powers of conversation. It is a reason why you do not have to give reasons for what you believe." - Sam Harris
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03-05-2013, 01:59 AM
Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
(03-05-2013 01:52 AM)SingingBear Wrote:  It's disgusting how often people will blow apart your life for nothing more than their own selfishness. 'Nevermind what this is going to do to my son and someone I profess(ed) to love, I want ______ (insert petty, fleeting desire) and so I refuse to try to make things work.'

I'm going through it right now. 12 years together. 7 married, 5 living together. 1 wonderful son. I make a decent wage as a correction officer (prison guard) with good state benefits. I'm a fiercely loyal and honest man with a fine sense of humor and, despite the profession, a mild manner and a sweet disposition. My wife left me for a jobless hippy (no offense to the useful pot smoking members of society) so she too could once again be a hippy. When I say jobless, I don't mean he can't find work in the largest city in Ohio. I mean he will not work. Doesn't try. Hasn't for years before my wife moved in with him. She works in a restaurant and doesn't spend much time with my boy. Instead, this loser gets the most time with my son. I get him half the week every week. 2 days of which are my days off. One he spends in either daycare or at my parents. The last day, I have him 'til his mom picks him up at noon.

While all this sucks for me, this is HORRIBLE on my son. His mom moved 70 miles away from me, so he's being shuttled back and forth between Columbus and Jackson twice a week. He's spends most of his time under the supervision of a loser. He's confused about Mom and Dad and what to call home.

I tell you-- I want another child eventually, but I doubt I'll have that joy being too afraid this will happen all over again. I'm never marrying again. It's a real license to steal. They call it a "contract"-- she broke it and my son and I are paying for it.

If it can't be saved, get a lawyer pronto and get on top of this. You don't even need to consult her. Separate your finances. Take what it yours. Put anything you don't want taken by her someplace she cannot access it. I made the mistakes of not doing these things and been ridden into the ground for my kindness. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.

Damn, I'm sorry. I hope things get better man.
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03-05-2013, 02:17 AM (This post was last modified: 03-05-2013 02:22 AM by SingingBear.)
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
(03-05-2013 01:59 AM)Weeeeee_Zard Wrote:  Damn, I'm sorry. I hope things get better man.

Thank you. I'm fine, though. Things will work out. I just want him to know (and anyone else) that when someone is threatening to do these things, they can really fuck your shit up. And my case-- hell, it could STILL have been much worse. Still COULD be.

There's such a thing as being too nice. I was too nice when I should have been protecting myself.

I would like to see the good guys and girls win, for once. But that takes something that we often don't develop until after we've been burned. And that is calculating reason. Survival instinct.

Preempt that schemer before they design your undoing.

"The problem with faith is that it really is a conversation stopper. Faith is a declaration of immunity to the powers of conversation. It is a reason why you do not have to give reasons for what you believe." - Sam Harris
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03-05-2013, 01:32 PM (This post was last modified: 03-05-2013 02:02 PM by cbb2274.)
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
Weeeeee_Zard Wrote:But you are right tho, it's within the margins of my opinion and perception of the concept of true love.

What I mean is, I don't believe love is either true or false. I think it's either there or it's not. Our difference here is probably just rhetorical. I wanted to make the point that, whether or not this was a failure of his wife's poor character (and I think it was), her affection may still have been valid and its loss may be worth RS' grief (if he is indeed grieving this separation). I could be totally wrong about the sincerity of her affection, but I don't have sufficient reason to doubt it (RS might though).

On the other hand: fuck her. Undecided
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03-05-2013, 05:44 PM
RE: Wife is leaving me because of my nonbelief
(30-04-2013 12:32 AM)ReasonandScience Wrote:  Anyways, I told her that I respect her right to believe what ever she wants to believe as she should respect my right to believe what ever I choose to believe.

See, here this is again. People "choosing to believe" stuff. How and where can I attain this ability?! Exclamation

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