Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
04-08-2013, 10:14 AM (This post was last modified: 04-08-2013 10:22 AM by Snailed.)
Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
My wife and I have been together 8 years, married for six. We have two sons, ages 5 and almost 2. She told me a few days ago that she wants a divorce. There's been no infidelity, no abuse, no addiction, no financial issues, none of that. I'm an exceptional father and a great husband, but no I'm not perfect and neither is she. But aside from that, one of the reasons she gave for why she didn't want to be together was that she wanted to believe in god again.

When we met and got married she was a Christian and I was a skeptical, half-hearted Christian. A few years later after A LOT of research I became an unbeliever. It was never a problem in our relationship and, in fact, she became an atheist as well (by her own choosing). Well now I guess she wants to believe again. I'm not even sure how that's possible, but obviously a desire to believe is greater than the truth.

The issue I'm facing now is that all of her family is devoutly religious. Her dad is a Deacon of his church and pretty much all of our friends and acquaintances are believers. And, of course, they are all now expressing how important faith is and the fact that I'm an atheist is a huge problem. So basically I've got that working against me in a major way whenever she discusses our marital situation to them. Just this morning a friend of hers that she talked to said that if we go to counseling, that she (my wife) should make me/us go to a Christian counselor.

Does anyone have any good advice to overcome this?

As I said, this has never once been a point of contention in our marriage, but now it's suddenly an issue. I really don't care if she wants to believe in god and I told her that, but personally, there is no way I could ever go back to believing that nonsense.

This is just one more reason that religion makes me sick.

Thanks in advance for your input.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Snailed's post
04-08-2013, 10:34 AM (This post was last modified: 04-08-2013 10:37 AM by Logica Humano.)
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
Why would she value her own selfish faith more than her love for you? It is difficult for me to hear about a person who can simply stop loving another, simply because they don't share the same theological beliefs, and feel any sympathy for them. I would ask her which she values more, the love for her family or faith. Is she really willing to tear a family apart because she thinks she can't believe in God around you? There are numerous instances on this forum of successful inter-religious couples.

[Image: Untitled-2.png?_subject_uid=322943157&am...Y7Dzq4lJog]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-08-2013, 10:40 AM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
Logic tells us that belief is not a choice. Either you hold something to be true, or you don't, there is no "choice" in the matter.

You're wife wants to choose to be delusional. Ignorance is bliss, I can't say that I entirely blame her. But it is intellectually dishonest. If she insists that her life would be better by ignoring reality, I'm afraid convincing her otherwise may prove to be rather difficult. Some choose to put on the blinders and never take them off. It's sad but it's reality (or the opposite of reality depending on your viewpoint).

I hope the best for you and your children.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like evenheathen's post
04-08-2013, 10:40 AM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
Wow, Snail man... I'm sorry this has happened to you and your children so abruptly but, at least you know where YOU stand. Make sure your children are the top priority, no matter what happens with the relationship between you and your wife.

It sounds as if she isn't certain of what she wants so, it would be best to let her go with the understanding that the kids are to be raised by both of you equally. She has either thought things through or she hasn't but, you will find out soon enough so, time to take precautions:

GET A LAWYER. NOW. I can not express this enough. All cards must be laid on the table precisely and all plans must be adhered to. It is the best thing for both of you and will help when situations arise with the children.

I would suggest NO contact with her at all unless it is about the children. She wants the divorce so, she needs to see what being divorced is about. That means she can not talk to you anytime she wants about nothing. As I said, you'll find out soon enough if she's thought this through or not.
_________

Sorry it's under such crappy circumstances but, glad you could make it here, by the way...

Welcome to the forum. Shy

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like kim's post
04-08-2013, 10:53 AM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(04-08-2013 10:34 AM)Logica Humano Wrote:  Why would she value her own selfish faith more than her love for you? ...

Doesn't want her children to be roasted forever?

It may not be rational, but it's not selfish.

Nonsense is nonsense, but the history of nonsense is a very important science.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-08-2013, 10:54 AM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(04-08-2013 10:34 AM)Logica Humano Wrote:  Why would she value her own selfish faith more than her love for you? It is difficult for me to hear about a person who can simply stop loving another, simply because they don't share the same theological beliefs, and feel any sympathy for them. I would ask her which she values more, the love for her family or faith. Is she really willing to tear a family apart because she thinks she can't believe in God around you? There are numerous instances on this forum of successful inter-religious couples.

My wife is selfish. And apparently, yes, she is willing to break up a family for this, and other very weak - bordering on laughable - reasons. I don't actually believe this is even a valid reason, but rather, one she's tossing out there in order to make her position justifiable in her mind.

She was out of town for two weeks on business. It was the first time we'd been apart since we met. I think she got a taste of life with no responsibility and no kids she liked it. Now she's searching for reasons to validate this desire to be "free." I should mention that she is 28 and I'm 39.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-08-2013, 10:59 AM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
That makes it sound like she doesn't want the kids?

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-08-2013, 11:08 AM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(04-08-2013 10:14 AM)Snailed Wrote:  My wife and I have been together 8 years, married for six. We have two sons, ages 5 and almost 2. She told me a few days ago that she wants a divorce. There's been no infidelity, no abuse, no addiction, no financial issues, none of that. I'm an exceptional father and a great husband, but no I'm not perfect and neither is she. But aside from that, one of the reasons she gave for why she didn't want to be together was that she wanted to believe in god again.

When we met and got married she was a Christian and I was a skeptical, half-hearted Christian. A few years later after A LOT of research I became an unbeliever. It was never a problem in our relationship and, in fact, she became an atheist as well (by her own choosing). Well now I guess she wants to believe again. I'm not even sure how that's possible, but obviously a desire to believe is greater than the truth.

The issue I'm facing now is that all of her family is devoutly religious. Her dad is a Deacon of his church and pretty much all of our friends and acquaintances are believers. And, of course, they are all now expressing how important faith is and the fact that I'm an atheist is a huge problem. So basically I've got that working against me in a major way whenever she discusses our marital situation to them. Just this morning a friend of hers that she talked to said that if we go to counseling, that she (my wife) should make me/us go to a Christian counselor.

Does anyone have any good advice to overcome this?

As I said, this has never once been a point of contention in our marriage, but now it's suddenly an issue. I really don't care if she wants to believe in god and I told her that, but personally, there is no way I could ever go back to believing that nonsense.

This is just one more reason that religion makes me sick.

Thanks in advance for your input.

I suspect (though I don't know the entire story here) that a friend, family member, or pastor has begun to poison her mind with that 'What-Fellowship-Can-Christ-Have-With-Belial?' crap.

Yeah, I'd recommend getting a lawyer pronto, because this could go sour very very quickly.

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver's post
04-08-2013, 11:28 AM (This post was last modified: 04-08-2013 11:33 AM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(04-08-2013 10:14 AM)Snailed Wrote:  Does anyone have any good advice to overcome this?

Nothing good, I'm afraid. If I thought there was a chance of saving the marriage AND what was of paramount importance to me was saving the marriage, I'd probably pretend to believe. I can pretend to believe just about anything. Pretending ain't hard. As to my fellow atheists who might respond "but but but ... you're being dishonest to them.", I respond "Yeah, so the fuck what. I still ain't being dishonest to myself which is all that really matters. Honesty is overrated anyway."

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like GirlyMan's post
04-08-2013, 11:33 AM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(04-08-2013 10:54 AM)Snailed Wrote:  She was out of town for two weeks on business. It was the first time we'd been apart since we met. I think she got a taste of life with no responsibility and no kids she liked it. Now she's searching for reasons to validate this desire to be "free." I should mention that she is 28 and I'm 39.

Hmmmm.....Consider

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes evenheathen's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: