Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
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04-08-2013, 03:06 PM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(04-08-2013 10:54 AM)Snailed Wrote:  My wife is selfish. And apparently, yes, she is willing to break up a family for this, and other very weak - bordering on laughable - reasons. I don't actually believe this is even a valid reason, but rather, one she's tossing out there in order to make her position justifiable in her mind.

She was out of town for two weeks on business. It was the first time we'd been apart since we met. I think she got a taste of life with no responsibility and no kids she liked it. Now she's searching for reasons to validate this desire to be "free." I should mention that she is 28 and I'm 39.

Then let her know how you feel and how you think it will impact your kids' lives.

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04-08-2013, 05:00 PM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
As I've said before. It doesn't work. Not in the long run. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
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04-08-2013, 05:17 PM (This post was last modified: 04-08-2013 06:38 PM by Anjele.)
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
Sorry this is happening to your family.

Sounds kind of funny...'she WANTS to believe again'...are you stopping her? Is that what she is saying? Seems to me that you either believe or you don't. Sounds a little more like she thinks she should play the religion game and therefore should act as though she believes.

A very strange sudden reason to ask for a divorce, at least in my mind it is.

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04-08-2013, 06:09 PM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(04-08-2013 05:17 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Sorry this is happening to your family.

Sounds kind of funny...'she WANTS to believe again'...are you stopping her? Is that what she is saying? Seems to me that you either believe or your don't. Sounds a little more like she thinks she should play the religion game and therefore should act as though she believes.

A very strange sudden reason to ask for a divorce, at least in my mind it is.

In mine as well.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
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04-08-2013, 07:24 PM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
The children are the biggest issue here and someone, not you, needs to remind her of her responsibility to them. It appears she not ready to listen to anyone that might cause her to veer off course. Your best bet is to get a lawyer and follow his/her advice regarding moving out and what your financial responsibilities would be. It might be in your best interest to check out what alternate living accommodations will cost. If you wind up sharing parental responsibilities then you'll need a two bedroom.
After my sis and I had both been married at least 5 years, my father began grousing about my sis's hubby. I reminded him that his attitude had a rather destructive effect on her marriage and mine.
Perhaps it's time to have a heart to heart with her pastor father.
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05-08-2013, 11:04 AM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
You should point out to her that if she divorces you she will be disobeying the Bible.

Quote:To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

(1 Corinthians 7:12-16 ESV)

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05-08-2013, 01:57 PM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(04-08-2013 05:00 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  As I've said before. It doesn't work. Not in the long run. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

May I ask why you say this? Just curious because as of recently, me and my husband are "unequally yoked" and, as of present, he is quote/unquote okay with my being an atheist. He says that it's no different than his friends who are unbelievers, and that as long as they don't push their non-belief on him, then he's okay with it. I am just wondering if you believe that his kind of "live and let live" attitude cannot last in the long run.

To the OP, I can only offer my sympathy for your situation. I too have recently gone through marital turmoil and it is a very trying experience to say the least.

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05-08-2013, 09:23 PM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(05-08-2013 11:04 AM)theophilus Wrote:  You should point out to her that if she divorces you she will be disobeying the Bible.

Quote:To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

(1 Corinthians 7:12-16 ESV)

Key words there are "consents to live with". It sounds like the OP's wife isn't willing to do that anymore and is wanting to find an excuse to get out and be single again.

OP I'm sorry, I really am. I used to struggle with that fear all the time. My wife still considers herself a Christian, her family is all evangelical Christian, but they accept and love me even considering my lack of belief. I think I found one of the few actual Christian famillies in this state. There is nothing but love and respect between us.

Regardless, you need to see a counsilor. A licensed and practicing one, not some crackpot Christian who fancies themselves a "healer". Religion is not at the heart of this, it's just being used as an excuse to justify her shitty attitude and lack of responsibility. Divorce sucks, been there done that, but thankfully without kids. As already stated, make sure the kids are the priority in all of this. They need to undersand what is going on and to be reminded that your love for them is exactly the same as it's always been. Don't argue around them, don't yell at each other around them, don't even say anything mean about your SO around them. Nothing but love and explanations that are as objective as you can make them.

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06-08-2013, 08:44 AM
Re: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
Escape artist. I honestly think that the religion will eventually get in the way. You can ignore the difference for a while. But eventually something is going to happen to bring it up. Or it may cause smaller stress more frequently.

You're unequally yoked? What does that mean.

Anyway I am glad its working for you guys. Maybe in wrong and it does work sometimes *shrugs**
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06-08-2013, 11:10 AM (This post was last modified: 06-08-2013 11:15 AM by Escape Artist.)
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(06-08-2013 08:44 AM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  Escape artist. I honestly think that the religion will eventually get in the way. You can ignore the difference for a while. But eventually something is going to happen to bring it up. Or it may cause smaller stress more frequently.

You're unequally yoked? What does that mean.

Anyway I am glad its working for you guys. Maybe in wrong and it does work sometimes *shrugs**

"Unequally yoked" is Christianese for "believer married to a nonbeliever" and refers to this Bible verse:

2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

The verse was oft referred to (at least in the churches I went to) when the pastor was speaking about believers being married to unbelievers.

Anyway, it does cause tension between us from time to time.

For example, I often feel I have to, not necessarily walk on eggshells, but just... I don't know, tone down my anti-religious sentiments when I'm around him. If I don't, he might get his feelings hurt or feel disrespected. We recently moved and there are no less than three churches in pretty much our immediate vicinity. I remarked that it wasn't safe for me to be around all these churches - I might burn up. He didn't think it was funny. Which sucks because it'd be nice to lay into religion WITH him, but that's largely why I come here - to hear other people say the things I'm already thinking.

The larger problem, in my view, is that it is often difficult to respect him now that I am not a believer and he still is. Like, I wonder why he hasn't really sat down and questioned his beliefs the way I did. But I was a Christian for damn near twenty years, so it took me awhile to come around. How can I really think that I'm better or smarter or whatever just because I've come to this conclusion first? I would hope that he eventually comes around to my way of thinking, but I just don't know that he delves that deeply into issues. I've always been "the thinker" between the two of us.

I myself asked for a divorce from him earlier this year, but religion really didn't have as much to do with it as: my feeling like I wasn't being heard, respected, etc. Since that time, he's gotten better and my feelings are slowly coming back.

Anyway, my point is that the biggest source of our tension didn't have much to do with religion. I was just curious as to how you'd formed your viewpoint on this - whether you personally were with someone and it didn't work out with them due to religion or if you've seen a lot of friends/family go through something similar or what.

Thanks!

ETA: I should say that he was never a "strong" Christian so that may play heavily into the dynamics of our relationship. If such a time came where he was bugging me about my lack of belief, or proselytizing to me all the day long, I'd definitely soon tire of that and cut my losses and go. I am so SO much happier as an atheist than I ever was as a believer and I refuse to be bullied or cajoled into those shackles again. By anyone.

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