Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
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06-08-2013, 11:58 AM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(04-08-2013 05:17 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Sorry this is happening to your family.

Sounds kind of funny...'she WANTS to believe again'...are you stopping her? Is that what she is saying? Seems to me that you either believe or you don't. Sounds a little more like she thinks she should play the religion game and therefore should act as though she believes.

A very strange sudden reason to ask for a divorce, at least in my mind it is.

I know, it is peculiar how one can become a non-believer then suddenly just WANT to start believing again. I maintain that I whole-heartedly believe it is purely a flimsy excuse that she's clinging to to validate herself. I've been an atheist for 4 years shortly after which time she became one as well. She would even share my occasional anti-religious FB posts on her own timeline. And would scoff at her friends' religious posts.

Furthermore, both of our kids attend or attended VPK and daycare at a local church here or at a home daycare with a bible-based curriculum. The reason being that of our choices, those schools offered the best education. My children's education supersedes my own dislike for the curriculum. So obviously I'm not militant about my atheism. Again, this is just a flimsy excuse on her part because there is really not anything else she has to make a case for breaking up our family and our marriage. I'm a great father, and a great husband. It sucks.
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06-08-2013, 12:05 PM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
To update, I set up a counseling appt yesterday at 2:00 (not church-affiliated). I texted her asking if that was a good time and she replied that she couldn't because she was meeting someone at the gym to workout at 2:30.

You read that correctly... going to the gym is more important than fixing our broken marriage and keeping our family together.

Nonetheless, we ended up both going at 1:00. It was an hour of high emotions - mostly anger. But, I'm taking it one day at a time.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I really appreciate it. I'm new to this forum, but it is so refreshing to be able to interact with people who share my view on religion. People like that are very difficult to find in my conservative small town. I hope to come around to this forum more often.
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06-08-2013, 01:46 PM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
I am afraid you are dealing with more than religion with this situation. Just work toward what's best.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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06-08-2013, 02:56 PM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
Snailed,

I'm glad to hear that you sought a counselor. A third party, who isn't emotionally invested in the situation, is always good to have around.

That being said, something occurred to me that I wanted to share. I noticed that you said you are a great father, a great husband - and I'm not saying you aren't, so hear me out here - but one thing you might think about is that your definition of a great husband and her definition of a great husband may be two different things.

Say for example that your definition of a great husband is a man who provides adequately for his family and stays faithful to his wife. But while she may appreciate those things, that may not necessarily define "great husband" for her. Maybe she wants you to be more romantic, or to take an interest in her hobbies or to give her personal space or vice versa - to spend more time with her.

There were things that I thought made me a great wife (I had my own hobbies, so wasn't up his behind all the time, I said "yes" to most every expensive toy he wanted to buy, encouraged him to spend time with his guy friends, and on and on) but all those things I thought made me great weren't necessarily what he needed or what defined, for him, a great wife.

Anyway, just something to consider and I sincerely hope I've not stepped on your toes with this. Just trying to help / bring in a fresh perspective.

Oh, I also wanted to ask if your wife was very young when you two got married? I was only 18 when we did, and my husband is the only man I've been with. During the time when we were struggling, when I was so unhappy with him, the thought that I'd never really played the field or had any real freedom to speak of before I tied the knot weighed heavily on me. It felt almost like having a mid-life crisis in my twenties. It was an awful, desperate feeling. The way a wild animal must feel to be caged up with no means of escape.

Once I had time to really think about whether I'd enjoy that kind of freedom, I realized that I honestly wouldn't. I won't get into why, since I feel I'm getting long-winded as it is, but the point is that I had to take the time to realize that the kind of freedom I'd been fantasizing about wasn't truly what would give me happiness, and a caged animal doesn't think. It just reacts.

Maybe some space would help? I don't know. It took lots of beer and a lot of long, hot soaks in the tub for me to work through all my mess. And during that time I was an absolute drag to be around.

Anywho, just my two cents. Ignore if necessary.

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07-08-2013, 08:52 AM
RE: Wife wants a divorce; also wants to believe in god again
(04-08-2013 05:00 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  As I've said before. It doesn't work. Not in the long run. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Generalizations, generalizations everywhere.

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