Wife wants me to have an open relationship
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06-01-2014, 05:52 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
(06-01-2014 05:41 PM)Mr Woof Wrote:  Not as uncomplicated as it really sounds, if your relationship is a lot more than mainly sexual. Swinging, per se, can get extremely complicated in terms of all the options available in that scene.
As for your wife's agreeance, in a non reciprocal event .....HuhConfused..:it's your relationship!

Our relationship is mainly sexual, which is one of the things that is dissatisfying about it. But I guess it could be worse so I shouldnt complain as much.

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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06-01-2014, 05:54 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
(06-01-2014 05:44 PM)The Germans are coming Wrote:  So!

I just spent some considerable time on youtube searching for a specific video. I dont even know how much it releats to your problems in any way, so I might just only waste my but also your bloody time. But still, I think you should considere watching it:




You didnt waste your time. I'll watch it when i get home. Thanks

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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06-01-2014, 06:39 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
ok, here's my two cents…. I agree with what others have posted ahead of me….

But I also wanted to speak to the part about the feeling of missing out because you didn't sleep around before your wife and now feel like you've somehow missed out.

I had my share of fun, but the only way I can explain it is to compare it to drinking. You go out, you catch a buzz, you have fun and laugh your ass off and in the morning its just not all that exciting. Next weekend you do it again. And after awhile it just isn't a big deal, and years later when you look back, rarely do you remember a specific night of drinking (because they all just meant about the same), and you realize it was fun at the time, but now that you are grown up that none of that was special. While it was fun in the moment- its not a fun that you remember forever. And now, I'm happy where I am, its not the exciting days of yesteryear, but its what I want now.

I just want you to know that many of us that did sleep around in our younger years, don't hold it on some pedestal. It was a night of fun and that's it. It wasn't meaningful. I would rather spend my days in meaningful relationships rather than seeing how many beds I can jump in.

the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence, its greener where you water it, and nourish it.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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06-01-2014, 06:42 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
Well just jumping back in to add my $.02.
I think 90% of the time "staying together for the kids" hurts the kids more than it helps them. And even if you think you hide your struggles well, they notice. It doesn't just hurt them now, especially if they're young and impressionable, when your kids grow up seeing you struggle they learn that that's what married couples are supposed to do. When they get older they'll be more likely to accept a less than happy relationship. I'm no psychiatrist this is just my personal opinion.

Swing with me a while, we can listen to the birds call, we can keep each other warm.
Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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06-01-2014, 06:45 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
(06-01-2014 06:42 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Well just jumping back in to add my $.02.
I think 90% of the time "staying together for the kids" hurts the kids more than it helps them. And even if you think you hide your struggles well, they notice. It doesn't just hurt them now, especially if they're young and impressionable, when your kids grow up seeing you struggle they learn that that's what married couples are supposed to do. When they get older they'll be more likely to accept a less than happy relationship. I'm no psychiatrist this is just my personal opinion.

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06-01-2014, 07:00 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
(06-01-2014 06:42 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Well just jumping back in to add my $.02.
I think 90% of the time "staying together for the kids" hurts the kids more than it helps them. And even if you think you hide your struggles well, they notice. It doesn't just hurt them now, especially if they're young and impressionable, when your kids grow up seeing you struggle they learn that that's what married couples are supposed to do. When they get older they'll be more likely to accept a less than happy relationship. I'm no psychiatrist this is just my personal opinion.

Thanks. I'm just really afraid of the statistic of women and children losing income because of the divorce while I statistically am better off. I would hate to do that to them especially when they're so young. As I've said before, our relationship was getting better and the open relationship suggestion came from left field. As much as my wife has hurt me I still care about her well being.

Sometimes I think letting her be on her own is the best I can do for her so she can learn to fend for herself.
I dunno.

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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06-01-2014, 07:05 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
(06-01-2014 06:39 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  ok, here's my two cents…. I agree with what others have posted ahead of me….

But I also wanted to speak to the part about the feeling of missing out because you didn't sleep around before your wife and now feel like you've somehow missed out.

I had my share of fun, but the only way I can explain it is to compare it to drinking. You go out, you catch a buzz, you have fun and laugh your ass off and in the morning its just not all that exciting. Next weekend you do it again. And after awhile it just isn't a big deal, and years later when you look back, rarely do you remember a specific night of drinking (because they all just meant about the same), and you realize it was fun at the time, but now that you are grown up that none of that was special. While it was fun in the moment- its not a fun that you remember forever. And now, I'm happy where I am, its not the exciting days of yesteryear, but its what I want now.

I just want you to know that many of us that did sleep around in our younger years, don't hold it on some pedestal. It was a night of fun and that's it. It wasn't meaningful. I would rather spend my days in meaningful relationships rather than seeing how many beds I can jump in.

the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence, its greener where you water it, and nourish it.

Thanks BnA,
I know this is the case, I wish I had experienced it so I had something to compare what I have with. I dont. I sometimes wish I had married later, more experienced, with a better person. But I didnt and it sucks to think of what if. But I made the decision. I have to live with the consequences. I dont mind if I have to live with the woman for another 4 years until the kids are older and then be on my own. I'm trying to push the woman to go to university but she has yet to validate her prerequisites. I really want her to fare well when I'm not there.

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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06-01-2014, 07:05 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
Have you tried marriage counseling? If you both are open and honest about the issues (which for the most part it sounds like), then maybe it will help. And, at the end, if you decide to part ways, they will be able to guide you so that it has the least negative impact on all family members.

Here's a list of therapists that have identified themselves as secular. Secular Therapy


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06-01-2014, 07:09 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
(06-01-2014 07:05 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  Have you tried marriage counseling? If you both are open and honest about the issues (which for the most part it sounds like), then maybe it will help. And, at the end, if you decide to part ways, they will be able to guide you so that it has the least negative impact on all family members.

Here's a list of therapists that have identified themselves as secular. Secular Therapy


Thanks BnA, will try it!

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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06-01-2014, 08:48 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
djkamilo keep us posted on how you're doing ok?


wait.................


did that come right?


wait................






crap
nevermind
: )

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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