Wife wants me to have an open relationship
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06-01-2014, 09:06 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
Thanks Sabrina

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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06-01-2014, 10:14 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
A friend of mine was in a marriage that had grown a part. They also had two kids and because they both felt supportive of each other's dreams and wanted to be there for the kids they bought houses very close to each other. The kids could walk between the two residences She went on to remarry and he found a new woman. This happened approx 6 years ago and its (according to her) the best thing they did for themselves and their kids.
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07-01-2014, 05:56 AM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
(06-01-2014 07:00 PM)djkamilo Wrote:  
(06-01-2014 06:42 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Well just jumping back in to add my $.02.
I think 90% of the time "staying together for the kids" hurts the kids more than it helps them. And even if you think you hide your struggles well, they notice. It doesn't just hurt them now, especially if they're young and impressionable, when your kids grow up seeing you struggle they learn that that's what married couples are supposed to do. When they get older they'll be more likely to accept a less than happy relationship. I'm no psychiatrist this is just my personal opinion.

Thanks. I'm just really afraid of the statistic of women and children losing income because of the divorce while I statistically am better off. I would hate to do that to them especially when they're so young. As I've said before, our relationship was getting better and the open relationship suggestion came from left field. As much as my wife has hurt me I still care about her well being.

Sometimes I think letting her be on her own is the best I can do for her so she can learn to fend for herself.
I dunno.

So be fair to her in the divorce! I mean, you both have equal control over this. Divide the assets evenly, joint custody.

The only reason divorces seen as statistically better for women has to do with how amicable it is. My husband's first wife and him divorced after only 2 years of marriage. It was amicable as they both realized they had grown apart and should never have married.

Just to expand upon what L&I said, people learn what marriage means from their parents. If their parents openly fight with yelling and swearing than when their spouse yells, swears at them this is normal. They will also think this is how you communicate.

Alternatively, if they never see a healthy disagreement between you and your wife, they will think the world is ending when they have a disagreement with their spouse.

If your divorce is amicable, they will survive it.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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08-01-2014, 09:01 AM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
So I had a conversation with the mrs last night. I asked about the guy from LA, and it turns out the guy is not married but he does have a pretty girlfriend. He does have a baby girl about 4 or 5 y.o. from a previous relationship for which he is actually involved. The guy has expressed intentions to come and visit.

I asked my wife whether she wanted to sleep with the guy, and she said no. At most what she wanted was to cuddle since she has a thing for big guys. They only had sex once after my wife broke up with an ex bf, and apparently it was a bit painful for her (the guy was too big).'

When we touched base on the open relationship issue, she told me it was because she doesnt want to tie me down and she's been reflecting on how controlling she's been (and she has) and she wants to give each other space to be ourselves. She used to be upset if I was going to hand out with my cousin for example. She said that she can't live with herself always being afraid of losing me and hanging on to me in a controlling way as a result. She also wants space to find herself and who she is. We both jumped from living with our parents to our marriage with kids and we never had the option to find our own identity.

She said that if she goes to LA she's not going to sleep with the guy. She might not even see him. She claims its purely for her to have a vacation.

I for one am happy because I am able to catch up with my cousin and friends that I havent been able to because it was an issue with my wife for me to hang out with them.

What do you think?

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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08-01-2014, 09:21 AM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
honestly….

I don't think she lied in your last conversation, but I do think that if she goes to LA that she WILL see him and she WILL sleep with him.


whether or not that is a problem is between the two of you.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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08-01-2014, 09:27 AM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
(08-01-2014 09:21 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  honestly….

I don't think she lied in your last conversation, but I do think that if she goes to LA that she WILL see him and she WILL sleep with him.


whether or not that is a problem is between the two of you.

Thanks Bna, I cant say that it is at the moment. It might be in the future but I dont think so.

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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08-01-2014, 09:45 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
Okay, I'm gonna qualify my post by noting Girly and Manly been monogamous our entire sexual lives (some 30+ years now) and so I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about but ... Thar be dragons there. Bechased

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
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Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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08-01-2014, 10:03 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
I'd say not wanting to be controlling is good, but to go so far in the other direction as to let you have an open relationship is overcompensation.

Commit to getting couples counseling and living happily together, or let each other go Hug
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08-01-2014, 10:08 PM (This post was last modified: 08-01-2014 10:18 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
(08-01-2014 10:03 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  I'd say not wanting to be controlling is good, but to go so far in the other direction as to let you have an open relationship is overcompensation.

Girly smells a trap. Like when Manly asked "How 'bout I get you a hot Asian escort for you 50th birthday?" Girly lived to see 51, I ain't no fool. Tongue

(08-01-2014 10:03 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  Commit to getting couples counseling and living happily together, or let each other go Hug

Not enough cuddling.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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08-01-2014, 10:09 PM
RE: Wife wants me to have an open relationship
Thanks Smercury not quite so easy to let each other go as we have small children so we will always be in a relationship of sorts. If we are meant to be apart could this be a transitional stage in order to resolve things amicably either way.
My wife seems resolved into finding herself or feeling like a woman and not just a wife, mother, etc.
I'll try to get us to go to counselling even though we actually have less conflict than ever.

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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