Wife wants to move to Canada
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17-11-2017, 01:48 PM
RE: Wife wants to move to Canada
On a lighter note, my phone wants me to leave her, apparently.

I was going to message a female friend about this, and I happened to look at the three auto-suggest options above the keyboard. For whatever, reason, I just kept hitting the center button, like all of those jokes, and my phone typed "I'm thinking about leaving her to see if you want me".

I'm sure that oddly specific message would have stopped making sense if I kept hitting the button, but that was startlingly coherent and on topic.
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17-11-2017, 03:06 PM
RE: Wife wants to move to Canada
(17-11-2017 01:48 PM)RobbyPants Wrote:  On a lighter note, my phone wants me to leave her, apparently.

I was going to message a female friend about this, and I happened to look at the three auto-suggest options above the keyboard. For whatever, reason, I just kept hitting the center button, like all of those jokes, and my phone typed "I'm thinking about leaving her to see if you want me".

I'm sure that oddly specific message would have stopped making sense if I kept hitting the button, but that was startlingly coherent and on topic.

If I were the kind of person who thinks the universe is constantly sending us messages, I'd say your phone is onto something here. (but I'm not)

I do hope things come to a decision point soon for you, though.
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18-11-2017, 12:26 AM
RE: Wife wants to move to Canada
I want to leave this country too.... But.... I'm poor....


Good times.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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18-11-2017, 01:23 AM
RE: Wife wants to move to Canada
(17-11-2017 01:48 PM)RobbyPants Wrote:  On a lighter note, my phone wants me to leave her, apparently.

I was going to message a female friend about this, and I happened to look at the three auto-suggest options above the keyboard. For whatever, reason, I just kept hitting the center button, like all of those jokes, and my phone typed "I'm thinking about leaving her to see if you want me".

I'm sure that oddly specific message would have stopped making sense if I kept hitting the button, but that was startlingly coherent and on topic.

Well, it’s not entirely random. The words you use most often will turn up in the middle.

*hug*


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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29-05-2018, 06:57 AM
RE: Wife wants to move to Canada
So, over the last few months, I've warmed more to the idea of this move. Some parts are actually exciting. Still, we went quite a while not knowing where we would be staying. My wife finally got an offer at Pikangikum.


(24-10-2017 01:43 PM)Reducetarian Wrote:  If she intends to work in a First Nations reserve, well, that may be a very tall order for your family. Seriously.

Canada's treatment of indigenous peoples is definitely our nation's most shameful legacy, and these complicated issues are far from being resolved; this will not be an easy teaching assignment in any way.

Don't discount the isolation and culture shock of living "on reserve". Not to mention the high cost of living up North and the effects of being surrounded by third-world poverty, as well as the significant social problems this entails (including high rates of substance abuse, domestic violence and suicide)

Also, like all other teachers in Ontario, she will be mandated to teach the horrific role that the Catholic Church played in residential schools and the '60s scoop. But unlike other teachers, she will be teaching this to children whose families have been most affected by these policies. If that doesn't shake her faith, nothing will; it could set her right into a tailspin as to the validity of that institution. It certainly contributed to my atheism.

Don't get me wrong: it's an incredible opportunity to learn about different indigenous cultures and to bridge the gap between two worlds, but it's a VERY tall order and would take a VERY strong and resilient person to face and adapt to that reality.

Best wishes and good luck

I thought about this post after we got the offer. Pikangikum is a very large reservation, but they have very crammed conditions and high unemployment and poverty. They are the suicide capital of the world (no hyperbole). The government and other groups have been working with the community to help improve things by working on some of the root issues. The reason housing is so cramped is because they're maxed out on how many houses they can have on their diesel generator. They are on track to be hooked up to the Ontario power grid this December, which will get rid of that bottleneck. They're looking at a sustainable logging industry in the surrounding forest, which could bring the community some income and work. As far as I know, all of their work is service-based.

That being said, there are a lot of nice things about the community. They have a brand new school, and it's fairly large. They have a store, a few restaurants, an ice arena (of course Tongue ), and even a hotel. My parents said they wanted to come and visit at some point, so they'd be able to stay on the reservation. My wife asked me last night how I felt about it all. Part of me is looking forward to it (even excitedly so) and part is pretty nervous. She says she feels the same way. Still the more I learn about the community, the more positive things I'm seeing. I just have to keep a fairly realistic set of expectations.
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29-05-2018, 10:33 PM
RE: Wife wants to move to Canada
OK, I've worked in Red Lake, which is about 100 km south of Pikangikum and the nearest town worth the name. I don't know the reserve but I have a feel for the general situation. This is not going to be a good mix with depression. You should really, really visit and job shadow for a week or two before committing.

Pros:

- The country is gorgeous. If you enjoy the outdoors this is a major bonus. There isn't any way to describe how beautiful that much uninhabited wilderness can be. The fishing is to die for.

- There will likely be a core group on a reserve that large that is intent on keeping the native culture alive. They should be fascinating people.

Cons:

- I don't know what climate you're used to but unless you've lived in Alaska you're in for a shock. Summer isn't too bad. The sun rises around 4 AM and darkness doesn't fall until 10 PM. The bugs are oppressive in late spring and early summer, you can't imagine how bad. July through September is the best time of year. Winter is going to be a brutal shock. Sunrise is around 9 AM, sunset by 4 PM. Daytime highs of -20 C are normal, night time lows frequently drop below -30 C. It isn't too bad once you learn to dress for it, but it does limit your time outdoors. Combined with the short days this is the devil's own brew for seasonal depression.

- Access is incredibly limited. Travel by air May through October is expensive but your best bet. Ice roads will connect you to Red Lake from January through March, give or take a snap thaw, but are dangerous. Not the roads themselves but the drunken drivers returning from a liquor run in town. During early spring and late fall the ice will be too thin to drive on but too thick to land a float plane on and the only way in or out will be by MedEvac.

- The suicide rates are likely inflated due to statistical effects in a population that small but will still be appallingly high. The substance abuse is truly terrifying. Everything from chronic alcoholism down through gasoline fumes. There are too many social ills to list but your wife should expect a large proportion of her students to be the victims of abuse and to be powerless to do anything about it.

---
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30-05-2018, 06:48 AM
RE: Wife wants to move to Canada
Yeah, I've been reading about some of the issues with Pikangikum.

My wife just got an interview request for Slate Falls, which isn't that far away, but is a near polar opposite in many ways. It's a small community (under 200) that is self sufficient due to a tourist fishing industry. I think more people work, which probably helps a lot of things. I don't know a lot about that reservation, yet, but I'm leaning more toward it.
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30-05-2018, 05:19 PM
RE: Wife wants to move to Canada
Whichever it is you should really go and visit for a few days to understand the reality properly. December would be ideal but June will give you an idea of the mosquitoes you're going to be facing. Remember to stay well hydrated because it stings when a mosquito's proboscis jams and it has to get out the fork and knife.

---
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31-05-2018, 12:43 PM
RE: Wife wants to move to Canada
Hate to be this guy, but it really sounds like your wife is simply not happy in your marriage anymore. Maybe her needs/desires have not been tended to as well as they should have. Excuse me for being so frank but the signs are there. In the case that divorce is absolutely not an option for you I would probably consider seeking marriage counseling or maybe changing the dynamic in your guys relationship. Maybe consider this move for the sake of your wife? Then again, I have a bit of a nomad in me so I'm always up for a "pack some things up and leave everything else behind" type of situation.

Despite anyone's opinions on here, including my own, it sounds like you're in a tough spot and need to do a lot of thinking for your sake and your wife's. Good luck, brother.
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02-06-2018, 11:03 PM
RE: Wife wants to move to Canada
(20-10-2017 06:41 AM)RobbyPants Wrote:  Ever since November, my wife has wanted to move to Canada. I understand her sentiment; she doesn't feel like this country really reflects her values and would rather go somewhere more aligned with them. The problem is, everything I know and care about is here. I just started a new job less than six months ago that I really like. It's the first time in nine years that I work and live in the same city.

I'm still trying to sort out how I feel about everything and how I want to proceed. She isn't planning on permanently moving there (or at least, that's the plan now), but she wants to do a two year teaching stint there. Part of my worry about this (apart from the obvious "zomg pick up everything and move!") is that she's been rather depressed for the last few years, and I think she's searching for things to fix this. She's frequently undergone some rather major life changes (several of which were supposed to help), and this has persisted. So, I have no real reason to believe that "pick up everything and go to Canada" is going to fix anything, and it's a big investment on my part to run through this experiment. One potential bright light at the end of the tunnel is that I might be able to work remote and keep my job, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.

She and I have been growing apart for years, occasionally interspersed with periods of partially coming back together. Those periods have always felt temporary. This really started when I stopped believing, nearly seven years ago. She never took it well, and begrudgingly tolerates it, now. Several times over the last few years, she's brought up divorce, and each time, I've acquiesced to whatever brought it up. After that last time, I kind of felt like... it was the last time. Like, I'd just gotten sick of having divorce brought up, potentially to be used as some blunt object to get what she wants. I'd told myself that one more time, and I'd just say "Yeah, okay. It's probably better this way." and be done with this shit. So, it's been six or more months since she's brought it up, for better or for worse. I still can't help but feel this is the beginning of the end. I'm still trying to process how I feel about this whole move, whether I want to, whether I can, and what my options really are.

Take me with you please?

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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