Wish I Had More Backbone in Debates
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24-05-2013, 09:26 AM
RE: Wish I Had More Backbone in Debates
(22-05-2013 08:36 PM)PersephoneK Wrote:  I'm wondering do you worry about hurting people's feelings?

Ah, no. Why not? Because I write, and speak, for myself. Not for anybody else. The only thing I worry about is being excessive in my exuberance over Gwyneth Paltrow, but as you may have noticed, it really doesn't slow me down. Big Grin

And!

(23-05-2013 03:39 PM)Chas Wrote:  Tell him to go fuck himself. Your beliefs are none of his fucking business.
Un-friend him - he's a bigoted jerk.

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24-05-2013, 09:34 AM
RE: Wish I Had More Backbone in Debates
(23-05-2013 07:51 PM)PersephoneK Wrote:  
(23-05-2013 09:11 AM)LadyJane Wrote:  Your youth councillor should know better and be more responsible. It sounds as if he is getting emotional about his beliefs and using you as someone to get angry at instead of being concerned for your wellbeing. Even if you were to convert back, is this someone who is a good mentor, now? Maybe in the past, but the current reactions make me wonder.

I totally agree with you on a logical perspective. I'm having trouble letting go of the past with him though. He was someone I respected as much as my parents. I think its fair to say that if he and I met today, we would not probably become close or even friends. But we have a history, and I'm not completely willing to just let that go, at least not without explaining it to him first. My problem is I also hate conflict, so I haven't been able to muster up the courage to do so.



I completely understand and have experienced this myself. Relationships that were once very meaningful that become more-so a poison but you want to honour what they once were.

I don't think there are many people who don't at least have some relationship fall to the side as they grow older, for whatever reason. Even some that were super important. People either move in separate directions or become toxic. Takers and givers, etc.

For now it seems like putting boundaries up and not being a doormat are important for you, and that's what's healthy. Your mentor is not a friend right now, or a mentor. He is on a war path for his belief system and it doesn't matter who's in the way.

I think it's best to do whatever it takes to keep your environment healthy, if that means getting help with respectful and clear responses or ignoring and cutting out completely. It doesn't mean it's forever, but it's obvious that right now it's necessary.

It's not too much to let him know how you feel about him like you tell us (that your really looked up to him etc, and considered him an important part of your past) but at the same time asking for some respect back (and if it's not given, put up those boundaries).

Good luck!
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24-05-2013, 02:55 PM
RE: Wish I Had More Backbone in Debates
I loved your blog post Smile I thought it was beautifully written.
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29-05-2013, 06:27 PM
RE: Wish I Had More Backbone in Debates
(24-05-2013 09:34 AM)LadyJane Wrote:  I completely understand and have experienced this myself. Relationships that were once very meaningful that become more-so a poison but you want to honour what they once were.

I don't think there are many people who don't at least have some relationship fall to the side as they grow older, for whatever reason. Even some that were super important. People either move in separate directions or become toxic. Takers and givers, etc.

For now it seems like putting boundaries up and not being a doormat are important for you, and that's what's healthy. Your mentor is not a friend right now, or a mentor. He is on a war path for his belief system and it doesn't matter who's in the way.

I think it's best to do whatever it takes to keep your environment healthy, if that means getting help with respectful and clear responses or ignoring and cutting out completely. It doesn't mean it's forever, but it's obvious that right now it's necessary.

It's not too much to let him know how you feel about him like you tell us (that your really looked up to him etc, and considered him an important part of your past) but at the same time asking for some respect back (and if it's not given, put up those boundaries).

Good luck!

Wise words. Thanks much! We'll see if I have the gumpshun to tell him that.

"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things." ~Rene Descartes.
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29-05-2013, 06:28 PM
RE: Wish I Had More Backbone in Debates
(24-05-2013 02:55 PM)morondog Wrote:  I loved your blog post Smile I thought it was beautifully written.

Thank you very much. I sincerely appreciate that and you (and everyone) taking the time to read it.

"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things." ~Rene Descartes.
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29-05-2013, 06:50 PM
RE: Wish I Had More Backbone in Debates
(23-05-2013 08:04 PM)PersephoneK Wrote:  
(23-05-2013 03:39 PM)Chas Wrote:  Tell him to go fuck himself. Your beliefs are none of his fucking business.
Un-friend him - he's a bigoted jerk.

I don't think I could in good conscience do that as much as it might feel nice. We have too much of a history together. I don't think he's a bad person, just a person warped by religulousness.

There comes a time to walk away from a relationship that is full of drama, it becomes a burden and it keeps you from spending that time with people that actually care about you and that make you feel good about yourself.

Life is short, pull the plug on this one. As I've heard it say, I don't want you to go away mad, I just want you to go away.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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29-05-2013, 08:05 PM
RE: Wish I Had More Backbone in Debates
(29-05-2013 06:50 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  
(23-05-2013 08:04 PM)PersephoneK Wrote:  I don't think I could in good conscience do that as much as it might feel nice. We have too much of a history together. I don't think he's a bad person, just a person warped by religulousness.

There comes a time to walk away from a relationship that is full of drama, it becomes a burden and it keeps you from spending that time with people that actually care about you and that make you feel good about yourself.

Life is short, pull the plug on this one. As I've heard it say, I don't want you to go away mad, I just want you to go away.


I couldn't possible agree more with FC. Adult relationships are voluntary. If you aren't getting something enjoyable out of the relationship, end it. No need for yelling, insults, et al. Just end it.

You're free to associate with whomever you choose and when you choose to associate with those who bring you down, you can't really blame them for it. Wink

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. - Chinese Proverb
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