Women cry...?
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20-11-2012, 04:07 AM
RE: Women cry...?
Thanks for the input, guys, and especially gals.

I talked about it with my hubby before I posted it on the forums. We both, have no clue why this sudden change.

@kim: I would see a doctor, but right now I can't afford it, that is why I came here to ask. Feel kinda save to do that here Smile

@ k37713: I'd be happy if those moment would be only a few minutes. Last time it was 2 friggin' hours on and off.

@ Anjele: I know the feeling. I had to learn not to cry very early, too. Not because of punishment though. In my family we were made fun of or completely ignored for tears. About frustrated: Well I was frustrated about something at that point, but as I said, normally frustration is not reason for me to cry. I usually suck it up, and this wasn't even anything big.

@ Vera: By now I learnt that your pain or you being unhappy does not have to be private. I share that with my hubby and that feels good, because I don't have to hide or so.

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20-11-2012, 06:38 AM
RE: Women cry...?
Age? I don't know your age but if it's roughly between 35 and 45 you are going through major hormonal stages. There is pre-menopause, menopause and post menopause, and for reasons I will never understand, people don't talk about it. Not every woman experiences it the same way, some hardly ever notice. But for some it's a big mess. It's kind of like a curve, and you don't know where on that curve you fit until it hits. The following is for people who are high on that curve.

At the height of menopause your tears become completely irrational and out of control. You cry and you have not the slightest notion why. You have monumental mood swings for no reason. You sit there and think: "what the heck is wrong with me?"

These are not emotional tears, meaning their root is not in what you would accept as a rational reaction. The root is purely physical.

There is a difference between this and a general state of being more emotional than others. This has a definite onset, and luckily a definite cessation. If that is what is happening, know that when you get over that stage, life will become SO MUCH BETTER. Your hormones will be more in balance than ever before, and they will not dictate your life so much anymore.

Menopause affects different women in different ways, any specific symptom or combination of symptoms, or none can occur.

You can cry, rage, sweat profusely day or night, be irritable, question your life and sanity, any or all of these. You can wake up at night because you have a hormonal surge that makes your heart palpitate to the point of feeling like a heart attack.

If that is what it is (and it for some reason seems to start earlier and earlier these days), you can take hormones (not really recommended) or you can take wild yam extract (at herbal stores) and testosterone cream (also herbal) and find a balance that works for you. The hormones need to be balanced, not replaced. Try a little of each and find your own combo. They are both affected. Black cohosh and the like don't really work for most people. Just taking one doesn't either. The effect is almost instant (as soon as absorbed into the system) so it's easy to balance.

If it's not related to menopause (you are under 35 or not anywhere near 35) then you have a hormonal imbalance that suddenly set in and you need to see a physician. It's definitely physical and not mental. Find out what the hormonal imbalance is and fix it.

If it is menopause, congratulations. It's tough to go through, but damn, life is so much more enjoyable once you're done.

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20-11-2012, 07:39 AM
RE: Women cry...?
I don't mind crying. Mostly because I have keratoconjunctivitis sicca - which is ophthalmologist-speak for "my dadgum eyes are really stinkin' dry" - so any time I cry for 20-30 seconds has probably lengthened the time I'll be spending with my eyes by another week or so. (The doctor estimates I'll be blind before I'm 65)


You know what does it for me? Commercials. Often commercials about ice cream, or life insurance. Anything that shows a happy family making it all work. It's completely unavoidable. I don't consider myself a sentimental person, but my lizard brain just can't turn off the water works.
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20-11-2012, 10:18 AM
RE: Women cry...?
Thanks Dom! I am not in menopause yet, and I agree, I should get my blood works done and hormones checked. I do in fact have a hormonal imbalance, that has been diagnosed a few years ago. But it was enough to take the pill to get it under control. Sadly, as mentioned, right now I can't afford a doctor. I have to wait until winter is over.

@ Seek: Wow, sorry to hear about your eyesight! I recommend watching a lot of sad movies if crying helps your eyes!

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20-11-2012, 10:42 AM
RE: Women cry...?
So I was a little lazy and skipped other people's posts. So I'm sorry if I repeat things that have arleady been said.

I don't think it's something you should write off as normal and "Oh, I'm a woman, I must cry a lot." What a load of bullshit. If you are experiencing extreme reactions and mood swings, go see a doctor. Some people are more sensitive than others. Some people react differently to others. Some people fly into a rage, some people cry. Men and women alike. If you're acting outside what is normal for you, then something might be wrong.
Have you started taking any new medication (some women have these awful reactions to going on or off the pill)? Have you changed your diet recently? Have you had a big change in your life (you moved not so long ago, away from my awesome influence Big Grin)?

"But the point is, find somebody to love. Everything else is overrated." - HouseofCantor
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20-11-2012, 12:01 PM
RE: Women cry...?
Well no new medication, yes diet changed, but to the positive, and yes I moved away from your awesome influence heh

I think for the moment I will observe. If that crying stays and if the unreasonable behaviour stays I will have to see a doctor, right now I can't, no money for that, but After christmas that may be possible. There is also a family friend who is a doctor who has good connections. She won't be able to do stuff free of charge but she is a good doctor and her connections are as well. So I hope to see a doctor asap. Not only for that sudden change with the crying. There are a few things I wanna get checked anyway.

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20-11-2012, 12:08 PM
RE: Women cry...?
Evolutionarily speaking, crying has its uses.

(I'll completely ignore the hormonal argument and stick to evolution).


Babies cry because they can't communicate any other way yet. Cry for food, cry to be changed, cry to just be held. We learn at infancy that if we want something, we cry and then we get it. Even more reinforcement is the fact that after we cry and our mom feeds us, or holds us, or whatever, we feel better than we did before we cry.

So:

Want ---> Cry ---> Feel Better

It's a simple formula, so simple that even an infant can figure it out, metaphorically speaking.

All through childhood this is reinforced. A child is running and falls down, getting a couple scrapes on his knee. So he cries. Mom comes and comforts him so he feels better. More positive reinforcement.

This applies to males and females equally.

Then we grow up. As adults we are much better at communicating, but a lifetime of positive reinforcement for crying is still programmed into us.

But men go off to war, to hunt, to do manly stuff with other men. We tease and harass and insult each other over any perceived weakness, and since crying is a childish thing to do and grown men should not act childish, we learn very quickly not to resort to childish programming in the company of other grown men or we will be insulted endlessly for it. Worse, in a group of men in a dangerous situation, war for example, we tend to avoid, ostracize, even isolate the weak, childish guys. They could get us all killed by being so weak. They, on the other hand, are now isolated and in danger - no strength of numbers to protect them. They die, or they fix their problem. It's cruel, it's harsh, but it weeds out the male cry-babies - our survival as men depends on being able to not cry as adults.

Women don't have quite so much pressure to be manly (as it were). Still, everyone feels like "Well, I'm not a child anymore so I shouldn't cry like one". Nevertheless, without the peer-pressure to be manly, there is less reason for women to hide their crying.

Even further, while I agree that not all grown women do this, many of them do use their crying to get results. Just like the infant who cries, gets mom to do something, then feels better, a grown woman can cry, get husband to do something, then feel better.

Further still, this is acceptable and expected. Ages ago, men took what they wanted by force. They didn't ask a woman on a date, they just dragged her back to their cave and had their way. Sorry girls, we were all beasts back then. But men, being the warriors and hunters, had the size and muscle advantage over the women, and they used it for whatever they wanted. Women could get nothing, nothing at all, by force. So they found another way. Even brutal, might-makes-right cavemen had an evolutionary need to protect their women, not just so they had ready sex partners, but so they could propagate the species - we're very good at that, better than almost all creatures on the earth, so this is a big instinct. So for us men, when a woman cries, we try to fix it. It's basic instinct. Fix the woman crying so the species can survive. Women learned that they can't take what they want, but they can cry for what they want.

Evolution kicks in. Men who ignore women's crying don't pass on useful survival instincts to their offspring so their tribes/clans fail. Women who don't get what they want/need fulfilled by using their tears don't pass on useful survival instincts so their tribes/clans fail. But the tribes/clans where women freely get what they need, when they need it, and men are responsive to this process, they pass on very useful survival instincts so their tribes/clans succeed, dominate the others, wipe out the less successful tribes/clans, and evolve into us.

Today, we don't need any of that. Modern humans are much better communicators, men aren't at war or on the hunt nearly so much, etc. But we all carry millions of years of evolutionary baggage.

Women carry that evolutionary survival instinct to get what they need through emotional warfare and men carry that evolutionary survival instinct to get what we need through physical might. Only, today most cultures have laws that don't allow us to drag women off to our caves and have our way with them, so we (most of us, anyway) repress this instinct. Although, given the number of rapes and spouse abuse cases in the modern world, we don't all suppress it very well. On the other hand, there are no laws motivating women to suppress their survival instinct, so it is alive and well and unsuppressed in most women.

Now, obviously, not all women resort to this as a tool to manipulate others. But the instinct is millions of years old, consciously overriding it to be non-manipulative doesn't mean that the tears go away, or that the instinctive need for them goes away.

So women cry. Some of them use it as a survival tool - some more than others. Some women don't at all.

But that's where the instinct came from and why we have it now, and why it's stronger in women than it is in men.

Now, the real question is, why do I cry like a baby when the boy gets the girl in a romantic comedy?

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20-11-2012, 02:26 PM
RE: Women cry...?
If you can't get with a doctor right away, start looking at any changes you've made lately. Go through each little change you've made and research the effects. What has changed? There might be some lotions that contain something that could adversely effect your hormone balance. However, diet is always a good place place to start...

Have you started eating more soy lately? You might want to cut it back... soy contains isoflavones. The best-researched isoflavones are commonly found in soy and red clover. Isoflavones are phytoestrogens and have the ability to cause estrogenic or/and antiestrogenic effects. So, if you've started eating a lot of soy lately, as many people are starting to do, it might be enough to upset your natural balance of estrogen.

I know years ago I got a hold of some face cream with wild yam extract... loved the stuff, but it screwed with my hormones. I wasn't really sure what was going on until I ran out of the cream and everything kind of went back to normal in a few months. I did some research and found that some women had it suggested to them by their doctors as a part of their hormone replacement therapy. WTF?! Wish it would have said something like that on the label - I just thought I was going crazy. Ok, crazier. Dodgy

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20-11-2012, 02:46 PM
RE: Women cry...?
You mean I might be crying at movies because of my wild yam face cream? Think it's worse if I don't put it on my face?

Joking aside, I gotta say, wow, I didn't even know stuff like face cream could tip the emotional scales like that. Maybe companies that make this stuff should be held accountable for their product, labeling, and safety warnings. I can just see the lawsuits now, right after some woman axe-murders her whole family and then gets acquitted on grounds of temporary insanity induced by face cream (and no, I'm not really joking about that).

"Whores perform the same function as priests, but far more thoroughly." - Robert A. Heinlein
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20-11-2012, 02:46 PM (This post was last modified: 20-11-2012 02:50 PM by Dom.)
RE: Women cry...?
(20-11-2012 12:08 PM)Aseptic Skeptic Wrote:  Even further, while I agree that not all grown women do this, many of them do use their crying to get results. Just like the infant who cries, gets mom to do something, then feels better, a grown woman can cry, get husband to do something, then feel better.



I personally don't see how that is even possible. I couldn't cry on purpose if my life depended on it.

Here are some explanations:

http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/family/crying1.htm

You should really read the whole thing, it's interesting. But here is about men and women:





Quote: Another theory put forth to explain why men cry less is that they sweat a lot more on average, thereby releasing some of the toxins found in emotional tears. With age, however, the tables turn on men and women as it relates to crying. According to Women's Health Magazine, in middle age, men begin to cry more and get angry less, while women experience the exact opposite. This is due in large part to our old pals testosterone and estrogen, which begin to decline in men and women respectively and help to even out the playing field.

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