Women reclaiming the word SLUT
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12-12-2013, 09:26 AM
RE: Women reclaiming the word SLUT
(12-12-2013 09:14 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  
(12-12-2013 09:02 AM)Kavos Wrote:  It's funny how when you really get down to it, all therapy, counselling, self help, psychoanalysys and all the rest of it, all it really boils down to at the end of the day is "pull your socks up". It's just that in non western countries, they get straight to it, which makes them come off as primitive, when in fact there is a lot of wisdom in simple words. This is why the best teachers are those who can simplify, and why in science the best formulas are the most simple and elegant. You got raped? Well, sorry to hear that, now pull your socks up and move on. Simple.


No Kvos - No!
Sorry - this is where you and I must split. As the victim of rape (more than once) I assure you it is far more difficult than "pull up your socks and move on".
Please don't ask me to explain that. But....... unless you've been raped it's really hard to *know* what is involved. You can't know and that's ok. But let's give the victims of rape a little bit more respect, more space and more compassion - please.

As it is - I see myself as fair and reasonable considering Far more than just the victim part alone. But no........ it's far from simple recovering from rape.

sorry

A few years ago, I was in a bar and I was hanging around the women's toilet, and I was dragged in by a few girls (I kind of asked them to, in a roundabout way). It was all done in a humorous manner. They pulled my trousers down, and at first it seemed like fun, Then it got out of hand and rather silly, and quite aggressive, and unpleasant.

So I do have a taste of what it feels like to be raped. A taste, not the full picture, but a taste is still insightful. I don't want to sound like a pussy but it did feel like I was being violated. I was expecting some flirting and messing around, but what I got was pretty nasty.

But am I traumatised? Not at all. In fact, I can laugh about it. It was a ridiculous situation, but I find it very easy to be philosophical about it. I pulled my socks up and I moved on. I took away from it whatever there is to take away, and that's that.

The point I'm trying to make is that although it's not always as simple as saying get over it (I do understand that, and some people are more sensitive than others), the point is that it often can really be that simple. People complicate things too much.

I've also been run over, mugged, and other things have happened to me. But the real way to get empowered is to learn to laugh. Also, hardship is good for you. It builds character. Am I saying that women should be raped? Of course not.
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12-12-2013, 09:28 AM
RE: Women reclaiming the word SLUT
(12-12-2013 09:25 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  
(12-12-2013 09:02 AM)Kavos Wrote:  You got raped? Well, sorry to hear that, now pull your socks up and move on. Simple.

While I actually agree with this to an extent, I hope you would never say something like that to a rape victim. I think pulling your socks up (which I assume means the same thing as dust yourself off) and moving on is so much easier on the outside. And that's ok. You can't just wallow around in self pity and put your life on hold. You have to keep living as if you were never raped. Emotionally it can be so much harder to move on. I think it really depends on who/what/when/where/why of the rape also.
I guess you're right about people not being super unique. I think what I meant was that some people are crushed with emotional grief while others are fine after a day or so.
Also I totally agree about drunk sex not being rape. Ok if a sober person takes liberties with a drunk person who is passed out or only semi conscious then yea that is rape. But if two drunk people have sex that is not rape.
I never really understand being too drunk to concent. What does that mean? How drunk is too drunk? IMO the only time you're too drunk to consent it if you're passed out.

No, I wouldn't actually say pull your socks up.
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12-12-2013, 09:31 AM
RE: Women reclaiming the word SLUT
(12-12-2013 09:14 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  
(12-12-2013 09:02 AM)Kavos Wrote:  It's funny how when you really get down to it, all therapy, counselling, self help, psychoanalysys and all the rest of it, all it really boils down to at the end of the day is "pull your socks up". It's just that in non western countries, they get straight to it, which makes them come off as primitive, when in fact there is a lot of wisdom in simple words. This is why the best teachers are those who can simplify, and why in science the best formulas are the most simple and elegant. You got raped? Well, sorry to hear that, now pull your socks up and move on. Simple.


No Kvos - No!
Sorry - this is where you and I must split. As the victim of rape (more than once) I assure you it is far more difficult than "pull up your socks and move on".
Please don't ask me to explain that. But....... unless you've been raped it's really hard to *know* what is involved. You can't know and that's ok. But let's give the victims of rape a little bit more respect, more space and more compassion - please.

As it is - I see myself as fair and reasonable considering Far more than just the victim part alone. But no........ it's far from simple recovering from rape.

sorry

Definitely not simple. I tried to just take it as maybe an outwardly moving on. Emotionally it's been over 18 months and I still haven't moved on. Like I said before kavos, I hope you never have to learn from personal experience.
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12-12-2013, 09:34 AM
RE: Women reclaiming the word SLUT
(12-12-2013 09:26 AM)Kavos Wrote:  
(12-12-2013 09:14 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  No Kvos - No!
Sorry - this is where you and I must split. As the victim of rape (more than once) I assure you it is far more difficult than "pull up your socks and move on".
Please don't ask me to explain that. But....... unless you've been raped it's really hard to *know* what is involved. You can't know and that's ok. But let's give the victims of rape a little bit more respect, more space and more compassion - please.

As it is - I see myself as fair and reasonable considering Far more than just the victim part alone. But no........ it's far from simple recovering from rape.

sorry

A few years ago, I was in a bar and I was hanging around the women's toilet, and I was dragged in by a few girls (I kind of asked them to, in a roundabout way). It was all done in a humorous manner. They pulled my trousers down, and at first it seemed like fun, Then it got out of hand and rather silly, and quite aggressive, and unpleasant.

So I do have a taste of what it feels like to be raped. A taste, not the full picture, but a taste is still insightful. I don't want to sound like a pussy but it did feel like I was being violated. I was expecting some flirting and messing around, but what I got was pretty nasty.

But am I traumatised? Not at all. In fact, I can laugh about it. It was a ridiculous situation, but I find it very easy to be philosophical about it. I pulled my socks up and I moved on. I took away from it whatever there is to take away, and that's that.

The point I'm trying to make is that although it's not always as simple as saying get over it (I do understand that, and some people are more sensitive than others), the point is that it often can really be that simple. People complicate things too much.

I've also been run over, mugged, and other things have happened to me. But the real way to get empowered is to learn to laugh. Also, hardship is good for you. It builds character. Am I saying that women should be raped? Of course not.

I am sorry about what happened to you and I am glad you were able to laugh it off. Maybe if I shared my stories with you, you wouldn't find rape so laughable anymore.
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12-12-2013, 09:38 AM
RE: Women reclaiming the word SLUT
(12-12-2013 09:34 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  
(12-12-2013 09:26 AM)Kavos Wrote:  A few years ago, I was in a bar and I was hanging around the women's toilet, and I was dragged in by a few girls (I kind of asked them to, in a roundabout way). It was all done in a humorous manner. They pulled my trousers down, and at first it seemed like fun, Then it got out of hand and rather silly, and quite aggressive, and unpleasant.

So I do have a taste of what it feels like to be raped. A taste, not the full picture, but a taste is still insightful. I don't want to sound like a pussy but it did feel like I was being violated. I was expecting some flirting and messing around, but what I got was pretty nasty.

But am I traumatised? Not at all. In fact, I can laugh about it. It was a ridiculous situation, but I find it very easy to be philosophical about it. I pulled my socks up and I moved on. I took away from it whatever there is to take away, and that's that.

The point I'm trying to make is that although it's not always as simple as saying get over it (I do understand that, and some people are more sensitive than others), the point is that it often can really be that simple. People complicate things too much.

I've also been run over, mugged, and other things have happened to me. But the real way to get empowered is to learn to laugh. Also, hardship is good for you. It builds character. Am I saying that women should be raped? Of course not.

I am sorry about what happened to you and I am glad you were able to laugh it off. Maybe if I shared my stories with you, you wouldn't find rape so laughable anymore.

There is only one appropriate response to learning someone has been raped at some point in their lives:

*((hug))* I am so so sorry that happened to you.




nuff said
Unless............. you *do* need me. Then may I suggest a PM?


Heart

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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12-12-2013, 09:45 AM
RE: Women reclaiming the word SLUT
(12-12-2013 09:38 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  
(12-12-2013 09:34 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  I am sorry about what happened to you and I am glad you were able to laugh it off. Maybe if I shared my stories with you, you wouldn't find rape so laughable anymore.

There is only one appropriate response to learning someone has been raped at some point in their lives:

*((hug))* I am so so sorry that happened to you.




nuff said
Unless............. you *do* need me. Then may I suggest a PM?


Heart

I have been in therapy for some time now. It's still hard but I have been trying to embrace the life goes on philosophy for a while now. I am sorry for you too.

I have a hard time dealing with people who say things like, it'd make your life easier if you would learn to just laugh it off. Not everyone is sort of almost jokingly raped (Which could still be really horrible). My situation was certainly not laughable. Laughing it off was never an option for me and I think kavos would change his tone if he had any idea.
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12-12-2013, 09:46 AM
RE: Women reclaiming the word SLUT
(12-12-2013 09:34 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  
(12-12-2013 09:26 AM)Kavos Wrote:  A few years ago, I was in a bar and I was hanging around the women's toilet, and I was dragged in by a few girls (I kind of asked them to, in a roundabout way). It was all done in a humorous manner. They pulled my trousers down, and at first it seemed like fun, Then it got out of hand and rather silly, and quite aggressive, and unpleasant.

So I do have a taste of what it feels like to be raped. A taste, not the full picture, but a taste is still insightful. I don't want to sound like a pussy but it did feel like I was being violated. I was expecting some flirting and messing around, but what I got was pretty nasty.

But am I traumatised? Not at all. In fact, I can laugh about it. It was a ridiculous situation, but I find it very easy to be philosophical about it. I pulled my socks up and I moved on. I took away from it whatever there is to take away, and that's that.

The point I'm trying to make is that although it's not always as simple as saying get over it (I do understand that, and some people are more sensitive than others), the point is that it often can really be that simple. People complicate things too much.

I've also been run over, mugged, and other things have happened to me. But the real way to get empowered is to learn to laugh. Also, hardship is good for you. It builds character. Am I saying that women should be raped? Of course not.

I am sorry about what happened to you and I am glad you were able to laugh it off. Maybe if I shared my stories with you, you wouldn't find rape so laughable anymore.

I don't find it laughable. I'm just saying that there are ways to brighten up one's outlook.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaGMrbJAIzU
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12-12-2013, 10:17 AM
RE: Women reclaiming the word SLUT
(12-12-2013 09:46 AM)Kavos Wrote:  
(12-12-2013 09:34 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  I am sorry about what happened to you and I am glad you were able to laugh it off. Maybe if I shared my stories with you, you wouldn't find rape so laughable anymore.

I don't find it laughable. I'm just saying that there are ways to brighten up one's outlook.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaGMrbJAIzU

You can't always just laugh things off, love. Sometimes you just can't and to try would be more damaging than helpful. When I first went to therapy I didn't even remember most of the things that had happened to me. I remembered being raped and abused but it was all just fuzzy and glossed over. I couldn't understand why I was so messed up by the things that had happened. Panic attacks, breakdowns, insomnia, zombie like depression, fear that just never went away, you just can't brush that off and move on. It took months of therapy before I started remembering details. Months more before I could accept them and start trying to work through them. I know my situation isn't the same as everyone's but there are plenty who have been through the same thing and plenty who have experienced worse. When people are ready they should definitely dust off and move on at least outwardly. For me it made the emotional stuff easier too. Maybe I am just being a jerk but your attitude (which very well may be imagined by me bc I am sensitive about the subject) just erks me. Like oh yea I asked these girls to push me into the bathroom and take advantage of me and then they took it a little to far but I just laughed it off, so obviously everyone else should too. That is all I saw when I read that post. Anyways, love, I will leave you with the advice that you should try to be more considerate with your wording when talking about rape.
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12-12-2013, 11:58 AM
RE: Women reclaiming the word SLUT
(12-12-2013 06:34 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  Let us not lose focus that RAPE is an act of violence and NOT just sex.
I fear far too often that fact is ignored.

Agree, and I think rape is much more than that. If it was just a simple act of violence it would be easy to get over it. But it's dehumanizing to the victim and that's what makes it so difficult for victims to recover from it, imo.

I know that I can't begin to understand what victims are going trough, but I think that every victim should realize that nobody can take your human dignity from you, even if it seems that is exactly what the rapist did.
It's not easy, I know, but at the end you have to pick yourself up and stand tall , don't let the bastard win.

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12-12-2013, 12:15 PM
RE: Women reclaiming the word SLUT
My take on the slutwalks that the cause of rape is RAPISTS.

-not the way a woman dresses
-not that she sleeps around
-not that she's had too much to drink
-not because she's alone in a dark alley

Rape happens because of rapists. Stop blaming the victim. Clothes do not give a person permission to rape, promiscuity does not give permission to rape, not because she's alone, not because she's drunk.

None of that matters, none of it should be brought up in court, NONE.OF.IT.

rapists need to learn to not to commit crime.


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