"You are interpreting the bible wrong"
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09-01-2014, 10:02 PM
RE: "You are interpreting the bible wrong"
My favorite is Jepthah's daughter in Judges 11. Most Christians won't know the story. They also won't know that Jepthah is praised in the NT chapter on faith in Hebrews 11. They will run to their commentaries which will tell them Jepthah didn't really sacrifice his daughter but consecrated her as a virgin in service to the lord.

'If you will give the Ammonites into my hand, then whatever comes out from the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the Ammonites shall be the Lord's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering.” Burnt offering = consecrated as a virgin.
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10-01-2014, 01:31 AM
RE: "You are interpreting the bible wrong"
(09-01-2014 08:33 AM)RobbyPants Wrote:  
(09-01-2014 08:27 AM)Reltzik Wrote:  You know, I'd be more impressed with Christianity if Christians could just agree on how to interpret the Bible RIGHT. The observable fact that there are so many alternative interpretations, even among the believers, is the surest indicator that this book is not a reliable guide to some universal truth. If it were reliable, it would not produce such wildly variant results.

Don't get me wrong, I'd still have much of the same factual issues when examining the dogma. But at least Christianity would be able to stand upright for the examination, rather than behaving like a QWOP athlete.

Well, if you'd stop being so skeptical and listen to the Holy Spirit, you'd know which interpretation was correct. And when anyone else tells you that their interpretation came from the Holy Spirit, you'd know it was actually from Satan. So, you could solve this problem by being less skeptical and by being better at determining which non-falsifiable spirit was communicating with you. It's simple, really!

If all the people with wrong interpretations could just admit to their Satanic influence, the Christians could finally move forward. This is why we can't have nice things.

Well, hey, how about I just tape a bunch of names of books of the Bible on the wall, put a table in front of them, spin a bottle on the table, and then that will tell me which book I should believe is literal? Surely the Holy Spirit could provide that level of divine(ing) guidance, and then I can do the same thing with chapter and verse numbers to narrow it down.

.... hmm. The bottle is pointing at the bookshelf on the opposite wall. .... at the Hitchens book.
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10-01-2014, 02:19 AM (This post was last modified: 10-01-2014 02:31 AM by sporehux.)
RE: "You are interpreting the bible wrong"
this will explain why you should not bother trying to convince a "Believer" in the Bible is beyond the laws of logic.

[Image: ken-ham-620x379.jpg]

unless there are onlookers who will benefit from hearing batshit creationists talk out their asses.
i bet $100 to any takers that Ken Ham opens the bible up several times, citing it why all science is wrong unless it does not contradict the Bible. .

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Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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10-01-2014, 02:33 AM
RE: "You are interpreting the bible wrong"
(10-01-2014 02:19 AM)sporehux Wrote:  this will explain why you should not bother trying to convince a "Believer" in the Bible is beyond the laws of logic.

[Image: ken-ham-620x379.jpg]

unless there are onlookers who will benefit from hearing batshit creationists talk out their asses.
i bet $100 to any takers that Ken Ham opens the bible up several times, citing it why all science is wrong unless it does not contradict the Bible. .

Is it too late to ship Hammmy-Ham back to Australia? Maybe feed him to a drop-bear or something?

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10-01-2014, 02:51 AM
RE: "You are interpreting the bible wrong"
Its just Australia's gift to highlight the absurdity of YEC views, name an Atheist that can do a better job then Ham in converting sane minded Christians to Atheism.

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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10-01-2014, 03:00 AM (This post was last modified: 20-01-2014 06:01 PM by Buddy Christ.)
RE: "You are interpreting the bible wrong"
If words were genitals and semantics were hands, arguing the meaning of the Bible is one giant circle-jerk. Using the methods of apologists, you could take any book and make it a completely different book through metaphor and double meaning.

Take Harry Potter for instance. Hogwarts is clearly meant as a metaphor here and not as an actual place. It's simply a state of mind that we must seek to attain if we are to learn the teachings of Dumbledore (a personified representation of God if I've ever seen one). This is why the so-called Muggles (unenlighted ones) can't "find" the entrance to Hogwarts. They aren't looking in the right spots and are stubborn of mind. Once you attain the mindset, you can receive the message about evil and how to overcome it by controlling your fears. Hogwarts is an anagram of warthogs, creatures that have four tusks protruding from their face. This clearly represents the four elements of the earth - bacon, earth, wind, and fire. In the nirvana state of Hogwarts, one may engage in a mental game of Quidditch, in which you attempt to obtain pure enlightenment by "catching" the proverbial Golden Snitch. Harry Potter itself suggests a Smooth Carpenter - a reference to Jesus Christ, the smoothest carpenter of all. We are also taught that redheads are God's mistakes and should not be trusted for they are bumbling and awkward.

I'll stop here but you get the idea. When you are forced to verbally battle someone that far out into metaphorical space, words no longer have meaning and squares can become triangles if they really want to.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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10-01-2014, 01:19 PM
RE: "You are interpreting the bible wrong"
What cracks me up is people who insist that every word of the Bible is literally true, and must be taken literally, and then when you point out a contradiction, they say: "Well that's not really a contradiction, because it really means this..."

So it means exactly what it says except when it contradicts itself -- then it means something else. Gotcha.
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10-01-2014, 01:31 PM
RE: "You are interpreting the bible wrong"
All religions use this argument, "You just don't understand".

Yes we do, which is why we are atheists.

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12-01-2014, 10:46 PM
RE: "You are interpreting the bible wrong"
The problem is that you cannot really argue against it...
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20-01-2014, 06:11 AM
RE: "You are interpreting the bible wrong"
(09-01-2014 03:39 AM)Just Another Atheist Wrote:  And a man's foes shall be they of his own household." - Matthew 10:34-36

Kill the wife!

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