"You're gay afterall!"
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10-10-2012, 05:32 AM
"You're gay afterall!"
Something dawned on me recently about attraction and what it means to be a homosexual; or even a heterosexual, for that matter.

I am a heterosexual male. I enjoy looking at, flirting with and - if circumstances permit - having sex with women. I could go on a poetic tangent about the female form and the ecstasy which ensues when a female whispers in the ear of a straight man. But I'm sure that any other straight men out there already know the intoxicating effects of a woman; thus they do not need repeating.

While I am a heterosexual man; I have a keen interest in and deep appreciation for physical beauty. This appreciation transcends societal, cultural and even gender norms. If I find an individual to be physically attractive, I am not afraid to say so. If that individual's attractiveness pushes the limits of simple attraction and becomes sexual in nature; again, I am not afraid to say so.

Having said that (and with you, the reader, keeping it firmly in mind), I admit to a measure of attraction to certain individuals of my gender. Jake Gyllenhaal and Rick Genest come immediately to mind.

Jake Gyllenhaal is, to my taste, a very good-looking man. His physical build - head-shape, bone structure, facial movement, body-build, etc. - are very striking. To put it crudely; my sister and I went to see "End Of Watch" recently, and as we exited the theater, my first words were "I would fuck Jake Gyllenhaal right in the face."

Rick Genest, for those who don't know, is a side-show performer, fashion model and artist. He has been featured in Vogue magazine; played small roles in Hollywood films, and was featured in Lady Gaga's music video for her song "Born This Way". Genest, while good-looking in his own right, is most notable for the fact that he has the facade of a rotting corpse tattooed across the majority of his body. In essence, he is a walking skeleton that looks as though it's in a late stage of decomposition. Personally, I think the guy is fuckin' hot. In fact, on Youtube in the comments section of the video which features him, I commented: "I'm not gay, but I would have a 3-way with Gaga and Genest...and I'd be in the middle."

Now, these comments about Gyllenhaal and Genest of course smack of blatant homosexual feelings...don't they? I don't think so.

Sexuality is not a choice. We can choose whether or not to act on our sexual feelings, but specific sexual orientations, such as homosexuality and heterosexuality, are not a choice. They are engrained within us. (Note: sexualities differ from paraphilias, or fetishes, which are sub-categories contained within an overall sexuality) I say again, I am a heterosexual man. My sexuality is primarily geared toward those of the opposite sex. So, why the seemingly homosexual attraction to certain men?

Because I appreciate beauty. Jake Gyllenhaal and Rick Genest are, in my opinion, incredibly good-looking people who each have their own attractive attributes. Whether it is in physical build, or in the macabre theme - respectively - I appreciate the beauty of these men. Contrary to what some may claim ("You're gay afterall!"), the fact that I am receptive to and acknowledge physical beauty, regardless of whether or not those feelings are sexual in some way, does not make me a homosexual, nor does it imply that I have homosexual tendancies.

In order for me to have homosexual tendancies, I would need to display an openess to romantic and/or sexual activity with other males, precisely because they're males. (I say "openess", because while I may not fuck every woman I meet, or even want to, I'm open to their presence by default, due to my heterosexuality) But I am not attracted to Gyllenhaal or Genest because they're men. I am not interested in them romantically (in general) or sexually because of their gender. And in fact, despite my humorous and over-the-top comments about them, I would not engage in sexual behavior with them if presented with the opportunity - regardless of their attractiveness. However, even if I DID, would that make my intentions (regardless of action) homosexual in nature? Again, I don't think so. Though the actions themselves would be blatantly homosexual in nature, my intention(s) would merely be to engage in a sexual activity with someone who is attractive.

I realize all of this seems to blur the lines between homosexuality and heterosexuality, at least to some extent, but I believe there are still two distinct categories (not counting bisexuality or pansexuality) here, and in my particular case, the category of homosexuality is not being encroached upon. This means that when people perceive the aformentioned comments to be "gay", they are speaking inaccurately. I am not open to their gender, and thus, am not speaking from a homosexual standpoint.

But, that is but one man's take on the situation.

[Image: jake_gyllenhaal_in_end_of_watch.jpg]

[Image: rick-genest-image1.jpg]

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10-10-2012, 05:58 AM
RE: "You're gay afterall!"
I think sexual fantasies are unboundless..... yet society and religion presses upon you how you should act, feel and judge yourself, then we have a problem Consider

What 2+ consenting adults get up to in their own time is up to them.... you can either let everybody else around you dictate on how to lead your life or you can dictate it to yourself.

With regards to labels then I think their is two........ The first is the one everybody else gives you and the other one is what you attain to give yourself.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

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10-10-2012, 06:39 AM
RE: "You're gay afterall!"
A common theme in het dude-bro society that I've noticed over the years is, "If you've ever had a sexy thought about another guy, then you're gay, bro!" n the instances I've noticed, the suggestion is that being gay is bad. I think it's limiting people through peer pressure. I've heard this shit on radio shows in my area too.

Labels shouldn't matter, but they make it easier for us to understand things, so they can be helpful. But they can be limiting too. In your case, you stick firmly to the het label, and that's fine. I doubt that you're gay by what you've described either. But from what I'm reading in your post- the point is that the label is really inappropriate in your case, and often the labels we use in society are not completely accurate. If that's the case, then it's a great point. And it's something that the LGBT community has been struggling with as well.

There are so many facets of sexuality that we don't understand, and society still generally frowns on anything not strictly het. Hell, even in the gay community there have been attacks on bi people for not being able to "pick a side" (although that's not something I've experienced personally).

In any case, why do you discount bisexuality and pansexuality? That part confused me. Considering you're aware of the term pansexuality (where many people aren't), I assume that you are also aware of the Kinsey scale?
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10-10-2012, 07:14 AM
RE: "You're gay afterall!"
I live the part of your confusion that you don't see yourself doing. I (while being seperate from any gender norm due to being neither male nor female) like women and want women. I still end up with guys now and then, but it is in no way a want. I put Lesbian out there cause I identify as more female than male, and rather than consider myself bi I state that I have a clear preference. My personal term is gender lesbian. I am attracted to women even when they don't turn out to be traditional women, though sometimes the parts confuse me =p

It's really not something to get hung up on. Society, primarily male society, looks for ways to press upon others constantly. People are trying to shame eachother for the fun of it because shame is what the general public knows. Ignore it and just remember that shame is a useless limiting device. Have fun with your life.

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
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10-10-2012, 07:48 AM
RE: "You're gay afterall!"
what a homo..

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10-10-2012, 08:41 AM
"You're gay afterall!"
(10-10-2012 07:48 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  what a homo..

Lol Magoo.

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10-10-2012, 09:38 AM
RE: "You're gay afterall!"
When I was in boarding school (didn't last long, hated the place and the routine there) the girls slept together. There were 5 in our room, and some nights we did "bed hopping" with everyone ending up having slept with everyone else. We were like 14 years old... and mostly just exploring.

In adult life, I very, very rarely am attracted to women. But it has happened. And one of the boarding school girls - we still see each other maybe once every ten years - and it always ends up the same way - in bed. She is straight otherwise too.

I really don't think it's all black or white, it's on a curve, and I am wayyy over in the hetero section. But that doesn't preclude the occasional lesbian attraction.

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10-10-2012, 10:29 AM
RE: "You're gay afterall!"
I'm in a similar, but with women. I am attracted to the female gender, but never acted on the impulse. Flirting for me doesn't have a gender boundary. I wouldn't consider myself to be bi-curious in the strictest sense.

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10-10-2012, 11:03 AM (This post was last modified: 10-10-2012 11:58 AM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: "You're gay afterall!"
There are lots of good books on the "human sexual response", starting way back with Kinsey.

I have yet to meet a (supposedly) straight guy, who at some point does not admit, that under certain circumstances, he would not "do it" with certain guys. Unfortunately "I" have happened to BE that (attempted) guy, more than once too often. Weeping

Jake Gyllenhall is one ugly dude, man.
Ben Browder, on the other hand, well :
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3093215232/nm0112871

The sexual response exists along a continuum, in at least two dimensions. (Yup .. freaky as it is, there are people who respond to door nobs, and other objects, such as shoes ??? Huh ). (Does this explain the "clothing" thing ? Don't know.). No one is 100 % "straight, or 100 % "not-straight". Behaviors exist along a vast complex continuum. Theoretically one could "imprint" on anything, and everything. Americans are SO boring. Blush

Some people confuse the male, (or female) bonding, or intentional group bonding, with those they, or those they perceive others WOULD perceive as having social status, secondary to appearance, (thus grant secondary *perceived* "friendship status") with anything sexual, and are 100% mistaken. For example look at any group of "firefighters". Why do they all look similar ? It has NOTHING to do with "sex". It's status.

http://rspb.royalsocietypublishing.org/c...1129.short
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1691703/

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Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music - Friedrich Nietzsche
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10-10-2012, 11:31 AM
RE: "You're gay afterall!"
I think everyone is missing the main point of my post.

I'm not confused about anything, I'm simply making a statement about what constitutes a "gay" act or thought. When I hear people make homoerotic (not "homosexual") statements, their peers often follow with "Dude...gay." My post is my explanation of why that's not entirely accurate; while using myself as a point of reference.

(10-10-2012 06:39 AM)kineo Wrote:  In any case, why do you discount bisexuality and pansexuality? That part confused me.

Neither bisexuality nor pansexuality were relevant to my post, so I wanted to clarify that while I am aware of them; I was tossing them aside to focus on heterosexuality and homosexuality specifically.

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