You should apologize
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09-07-2017, 06:56 AM
RE: You should apologize
(09-07-2017 12:48 AM)BlkFnx Wrote:  Not just tone, or soft peddling one's arguments, although that can be a useful tool for communication. It's also not about not hurting someone else feelings. At its root it's about what is someone trying to get out of the interaction. Being right is about scoring points. There are times when scoring points may have value. Having a public debate with someone in front of an audience which may be receptive for example. When it comes to interpersonal relationships however outscoring the other person never has any value.

I think I actually agree with that for the most part. There are times in interpersonal relationships where scoring points has value too, especially when dealing with somebody who already has that as their goal.

It would have been clearer from the outset if you'd mentioned scoring points instead of saying we should apologize for being right. Even when not trying to score points I wouldn't apologize for being right since that's nothing to apologize for. I might apologize for the way I treated the person but that's not at all the same thing.

The unwritten rule in the forum is "don't be a dick [first]" and that's a useful position in most situations.

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09-07-2017, 08:44 AM
RE: You should apologize
(09-07-2017 06:56 AM)unfogged Wrote:  
(09-07-2017 12:48 AM)BlkFnx Wrote:  Not just tone, or soft peddling one's arguments, although that can be a useful tool for communication. It's also not about not hurting someone else feelings. At its root it's about what is someone trying to get out of the interaction. Being right is about scoring points. There are times when scoring points may have value. Having a public debate with someone in front of an audience which may be receptive for example. When it comes to interpersonal relationships however outscoring the other person never has any value.

I think I actually agree with that for the most part. There are times in interpersonal relationships where scoring points has value too, especially when dealing with somebody who already has that as their goal.
In interpersonal relationship when scoring enters the equation I end it. If an interpersonal relationship becomes about who can one up the other its not a relationship I want.
Quote:It would have been clearer from the outset if you'd mentioned scoring points instead of saying we should apologize for being right. Even when not trying to score points I wouldn't apologize for being right since that's nothing to apologize for. I might apologize for the way I treated the person but that's not at all the same thing.

The unwritten rule in the forum is "don't be a dick [first]" and that's a useful position in most situations.
This is one of the wonderful things about forums. I hadn't thought of it in terms of scoring, but something I listened to made me think of putting it that way. You almost got the sentiment. It's not about how we treat other people (external) but how we approach them(internal).
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