Young Adult Sterilization [Miniature Rant]
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18-05-2017, 08:50 PM
Young Adult Sterilization [Miniature Rant]
So, I went on a YouTube binge and saw a documentary that caught my attention. It was about 20-somethings trying to get sterilized.

It caught my attention as I have considered doing the surgery myself on many occasions. I, being, a person of early twenties.
I'd like to think that I am an informed person. I've read that most, like myself, have never wanted children. Even the thought of getting pregnant/ getting someone pregnant was never an attractive option for a road to take in our lives. I, for one, decided I didn't want children at the age of 9 years old.

Most of the arguments I hear are that of maturation.
"You change so much in ten years, you may change your mind but you won't be able to reverse it, it's so permanent!"

Most people who use this argument use it from a place of either condescension or genuine concern. Less of the latter usually.
I hate to sound whiny but, in America, at the age of 21 you are able to do even the most drastic things with your life. Hell, you are allowed to die for your country at the age of 18.

Maybe I'm being hopeful (though I doubt that they don't) that people who consider SERIOUS operations such as these have given it serious consideration. I also have no doubt that there are people who regret the surgery later in life... However, should that really impede others from getting it?

I feel like I've failed to address the stigmatization of doctors who fail to give the surgery out of concern/ or innate personal biases. It takes years or multiple doctors for someone under the age of 30 to get the surgery.

Another thing I hear is "Why not use contraceptives or get temporary implantation? Is it really a big deal that you cannot get something permanent?"

Well, yes. Yes of course you could do that. And yes, it is quite a big deal that it isn't a choice for younger people. I think the issue is less to do with options and more to do with the restriction. I feel like if you're an adult and you decide that children aren't for you, it should be treated with the same respect as any other cosmetic/lifestyle procedure. However, I don't speak for everyone. Some even have paralyzing fears of pregnancy as, though it is effective, there's always a chance that something could go wrong with contraceptives.

If you question why people feel this way, I think it's about the same as the want to have a child, just in reverse. From my own experience I first told my parents that I did not want to have children at age 15. My parents laughed in my face and asked why I would say something so idiotic. I explained that the idea of motherhood just wasn't appealing and that I wanted to do other things with my life instead of raising a child. Year, after year, after year my relatives would ask me if I changed my mind and would scold me when I said I did not. I'm not sure why it is not acceptable to choose not to have children in general, but it is annoying to those who are pretty set in their ways about this issue.

I think it is a person's right, no matter what their age, to decide what lifestyle they want to have. If that is child-free or child-filled, I give no stigma. I only wish others happiness. Should either of their choices be a mistake in their eyes later is upsetting, no doubt. It's just that it's shameful to look down at others because of their age in any decision.


Anyway that was my first proper rant here. Thumbsup
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18-05-2017, 09:00 PM
RE: Young Adult Sterilization [Miniature Rant]
Try a non-permanent method, is my vote. Maybe you are convinced now, but I think you might leave the option open just in case. We have three children. My wife said "No more!" after the second one, but changed her mind after a few months. I was, of course, happy to help. Ohmy I come from a family of 8 children, and would have liked to have had more than three, but this was not to be.
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18-05-2017, 09:10 PM (This post was last modified: 18-05-2017 09:23 PM by Larai19.)
RE: Young Adult Sterilization [Miniature Rant]
(18-05-2017 09:00 PM)Fireball Wrote:  Try a non-permanent method, is my vote. Maybe you are convinced now, but I think you might leave the option open just in case. We have three children. My wife said "No more!" after the second one, but changed her mind after a few months. I was, of course, happy to help. Ohmy I come from a family of 8 children, and would have liked to have had more than three, but this was not to be.

I have decided not to go for the permanent method. Not because I particularly want to but because I feel like it would save me some stress and some stigma.
I would, however, like to point out that I imagine you wanted to have children at least once in your life? Smile

I never have. It's difficult to explain it's just that the desire has never been there. I've thought I was pregnant before (false alarm- thank god) and, (for the sake of not sounded like I'm over dramatic) spend over a week crying over it... It feels like your life is breaking apart in a way. It wasn't because of my being young (though I would say that it definitely is a factor) but because I never wanted my life to be like that.

I really hope this didn't come across as rude. I really wasn't trying to make it sound that way. Undecided

Though I am sorry that you didn't get the amount of children that you wanted...
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18-05-2017, 09:11 PM
RE: Young Adult Sterilization [Miniature Rant]
I never wanted children. And now, that I am old and watching my peers who do have children, I feel twice as good about not having had any.

Some of us just aren't fit for children, we just don't want them. We don't have ticking clocks. It's when people like us feel pressured to have children, you gotta believe those children will be the neglected and abused ones by a good portion of the unwilling parents.

There are thousands of children in that horrible position.

Nobody should feel pressured to procreate. It would cut down a lot on suffering children, dead beat dads and moms, and - yep - abortions.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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18-05-2017, 09:22 PM (This post was last modified: 18-05-2017 09:26 PM by Larai19.)
RE: Young Adult Sterilization [Miniature Rant]
(18-05-2017 09:11 PM)Dom Wrote:  I never wanted children. And now, that I am old and watching my peers who do have children, I feel twice as good about not having had any.

Some of us just aren't fit for children, we just don't want them. We don't have ticking clocks. It's when people like us feel pressured to have children, you gotta believe those children will be the neglected and abused ones by a good portion of the unwilling parents.

There are thousands of children in that horrible position.

Nobody should feel pressured to procreate. It would cut down a lot on suffering children, dead beat dads and moms, and - yep - abortions.

I have a theory that people who do not want children have had family members who have had them and were discontented or are those children who have ambivalent parents themselves.

I don't think that in any way decreases the validity of not wanting to reproduce...

Also, it seems (from the documentary I watched) that a lot of people who don't want children have either an active lifestyle of travel, sport, or something like that... or they have preexisting genetic issues or a family history of mental disorder.
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18-05-2017, 10:04 PM
RE: Young Adult Sterilization [Miniature Rant]
This is not something I ever say to my children, but I never wanted kids, either. I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 16, had her at 17. Wasn't educated properly about sex or birth control and did not have access to information to educate myself. I wanted to try for adoption because I felt that would be the better choice but the baby's father talked me out of it. Now, I will say that as the pregnancy progressed, my feelings for the baby grew and I felt very motherly and protective (which I believe was via the help of all the hormones swirling within me at the time). I had my son when I was 20 - not too much excuse for that one except that my ex-husband didn't want to spend money on birth control for me and refused to use a condom. Dodgy I do love my kids, though a lot of times I feel like most of what I feel for them is just a tremendous amount of responsibility and duty, but I digress.

Fast forward to last year and I was in a new-ish relationship with Rev (from the forum here), my kids were older and Rev and I had both already talked about neither of us wanting more children. I was on the pill and took it very faithfully and was careful with it but there was still the terror of getting pregnant. As it stands right now, I'll be under 40 by the time both of my kids graduate from school and I very much wanted to keep it that way. I'd thought about getting "fixed" in the past but again my ex-husband wasn't keen on that and I was nervous about a surgery and he refused to get a vasectomy. Dodgy This time around, I had the full support of my partner, I was over 30, and though I was still nervous about the surgery, I felt very deeply that it was the right thing to do.

I have a responsibility to the kids I already have, but I wanted no part of bringing more into the world. The thought of getting pregnant again after 30 scared the shit out of me. So I went to my gynecologist and he was very supportive. He said it seemed like I was sure of what I wanted, so they could schedule me quickly. Smile Of course, again I was over 30 at the time and I already had kids, but I think usually they are not so hesitant about it after 30 even if you don't have kids (though I know they do usually give you shit if you try to get sterilized before 30 - my best friend's husband had a hell of a time getting his vasectomy before 30, and they already had two kids!).

It's the first time I've had a real surgery and it was scary, but that was August of last year. No regrets. I felt good about taking responsibility for my fertility. I do think that people just know if they "aren't meant" to be a parent. I felt that way. And though I feel like I do a decent job with my kids, I still feel someone else could have done better or enjoyed them more. Or, I'll feel bad because I didn't plan for them. I felt like kids should be wanted and planned for - not be an accident visited on someone. Undecided

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18-05-2017, 10:07 PM
RE: Young Adult Sterilization [Miniature Rant]
Oh, my mom is someone who did plan for her kids but she didn't really want them. And she told us, unfortunately. Sad It sounded like it was something she just thought she "had" to do at a certain age. Plus my dad wanted children. I think she should have just stuck with her gut and not had kids, even if it meant divorcing my dad or whatever.

I have caught some flak from the girls at my work about getting sterilized, even at my age and even though I already have two kids. I guess because I'm with someone new and they think he and I should have kids. But that is one thing me and Rev agreed strongly about and that I made very clear from the beginning that I had zero desire for more kids. Luckily we both felt the same way. Smile

Hell, even my own kids had asked if me and Rev were gonna have a baby. I was like "oh hell no" - not if I can help it. -__-

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18-05-2017, 10:13 PM
RE: Young Adult Sterilization [Miniature Rant]
(18-05-2017 10:07 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Oh, my mom is someone who did plan for her kids but she didn't really want them. And she told us, unfortunately. Sad It sounded like it was something she just thought she "had" to do at a certain age. Plus my dad wanted children. I think she should have just stuck with her gut and not had kids, even if it meant divorcing my dad or whatever.

I have caught some flak from the girls at my work about getting sterilized, even at my age and even though I already have two kids. I guess because I'm with someone new and they think he and I should have kids. But that is one thing me and Rev agreed strongly about and that I made very clear from the beginning that I had zero desire for more kids. Luckily we both felt the same way. Smile

Hell, even my own kids had asked if me and Rev were gonna have a baby. I was like "oh hell no" - not if I can help it. -__-

I'm happy that you are, at the very least content with your life and love you children. I feel like most parents who find themselves in that situation take a very selfish turn. It's very refreshing to see someone who didn't let it ruin their life and made it a positive. I'm sure your children adore you. You sound like a very understanding mother (from what I've read elsewhere.)

I'm happy you found someone to support your decision too. Smile
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18-05-2017, 10:29 PM
RE: Young Adult Sterilization [Miniature Rant]
I have zero desire for kids. My bro has reproduced, so all that shit about genes is taken care of. I'll just be cool uncle Dog who teaches my bro's kids all the naughty words and how to set things on fire. But my own? Hell no. You have to spend like... two years just cleaning up baby shit. It's interesting as fuck to watch them grow and acquire language and reasoning skills, but not worth the admin. I have considered having kids myself, but I've never felt that I'll ever be ready for the responsibility, nor do I have any particular fatherly instinct. I have enough trouble keeping my own life together.

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(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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18-05-2017, 10:43 PM
RE: Young Adult Sterilization [Miniature Rant]
(18-05-2017 10:29 PM)morondog Wrote:  I have zero desire for kids. My bro has reproduced, so all that shit about genes is taken care of. I'll just be cool uncle Dog who teaches my bro's kids all the naughty words and how to set things on fire. But my own? Hell no. You have to spend like... two years just cleaning up baby shit. It's interesting as fuck to watch them grow and acquire language and reasoning skills, but not worth the admin. I have considered having kids myself, but I've never felt that I'll ever be ready for the responsibility, nor do I have any particular fatherly instinct. I have enough trouble keeping my own life together.

Cool Uncle Dog sounds awesome! Thumbsup
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