Your Potential Children and Kids
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12-08-2012, 10:35 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
(12-08-2012 10:23 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  
(12-08-2012 10:17 PM)ddrew Wrote:  ha ha.. he's a good lookin' kid.... going to have the women lining up...

He must've gotten that from his mother. Laughat

haha.. damn near the truth.. very strange tho.. cause me and the mother are both ugly.. Blink

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13-08-2012, 01:00 AM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
Here is me, sticking my nose in a personal thread where it doesn't belong, but here I go.

Being a teen, I don't think I can relate to you on a level that some might warrent for me to write this post, but I wanted to share my perspectives and my commentaryTongue

When I was a child, one who was about the age of eight, I was very very clingy. I didn't like to lose things, or abandon things. If I saw a lonely rock on the road, I would pick it up, and look at it, and then I would set it down and try my hardest to keep on walking ahead, but my child brain kept my head looking back, and I ended up running back to that rock, and carrying ot back to my house.

I have always feared abandonment, and I hated leaving stuff. I can totally relate to you wanting time to stop, I want that to happen everyday of my life, because I wanted to keep everything I have had, and have with me. I. Don't. Want. To. Lose. Anything.

This still happens, but on a less frequent basis, right now, I have a giant rock collection of rocks I thought were lonely and needed a friend, and I have kept them with me this long. Shocking

I have no idea if that is normal or not.Drinking Beverage

Anyways, I, sadly, am not planning on having kids, though I would like to pass on my genes, as I am the VERY first of my family to touch American soil, I have a feeling I won't even get the chance to marry.

To many things I have planned before That moment.

Though, I have been on the otherside of the stick.

I feel overly attached to things, and my previous caregivers aren't an exception. Sometimes I really yearn to talk to them, and sometimes I yearn to talk to my REAL parents (something I still am denied to). To me, its an overwhelming urge not to leave that makes me really really, REALLY hate myself.

I just can't leave things that I deem special.

Awwww, now this has post is all about me; I guess I am obligated to talk about you now:

your daughters should be proud, and when they leave, if they have a lick of sense, they WILL call and visit you frequently.

There will be rough times, and awesome times, and times in which you forgot that they even left you.

Just think on the very precious moments you have had, and undoubtably will have with them.

Just like I remember the very special moments that I have had with my accidental rock collectionTongue

Hang in there, its ALL going to be worth it in one way, or another.

With much sincerity,

Steven.

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14-08-2012, 02:46 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
I'm not against the idea, having kids some day. Maybe two, that's a nice number. If I ever find the...a right woman, not having kids would be a betrayal of the nation and kin. I feel quite confident about parenting, once we get over the perilous phase of noises and various substances coming out of both ends. I suspect I'm bad at taking care of little animals, but too responsible to ever get one. I look forward to later phases, when kids start asking questions. I love answering questions.

I try to keep all the memories of what I appreciated as a kid and what my parents screwed up.
For example, I admired all these ladies around, family or not, who could be so empathetic, helpful and understanding with a kid. Seemingly always in a good mood, smiling and stuff. Regardless if it's a genetic reaction, it's pretty cool.

Another part of proper upbringing is a firm parental discipline. Clear rules, unanimous parents' opinion, clear expectations, explicit description of tasks to do and how. I know it kind of sucks, but if parents are consistent, then the kid will get used to it and develop some discipline to maintain itself without direct supervision and later in life. It's anyway kind of sad when parents eventually slack off and neglect the rules they made. I almost missed them.

As for what my parents screwed up, I had an exceptionally happy childhood, but there still was a room for improvement. The room itself, but more about that below.
I hated being indirectly called a moppet (in translation) or being referred to as moppets with my brothers. That was so demeaning. I hated being talked at when something went wrong - in plural, to address all to whom it might concern, present and not present. Specially the not present brothers were the most guilty.
And most of all I hated de facto a three language household. Dad's language, national language and the local dialect. It feels so wrong to talk to someone and to have another family member with another language join in. It makes communication impossible, except one on one. It's so ludicrous to have to switch languages or dialects between persons. It could drive me crazy sometimes.
And what next? I hate my name. It's normal, but it has so many colloquial semi-diminuitive varieties that I never know how to introduce myself informally and if I use the basic form, then it sounds too formalistic. Seriously, parents, before you name a kid, use your head!

As for economics, our home desperately needed the One Laptop Per Child charity program. There never was peace, too many people and too few computers. We don't use Macs, but the computer was always a proverbial apple of discord. No wonder, in the middle of nowhere there's no way to have fun and computer is the most interesting thing around. A similar situation was with rooms.
I firmly believe that children need a computer and a room each, or there will be conflicts that will make them hate each other for a time and then be indifferent. I don't know how sibling relationships go in other families, but there are supposed to be some, right? Maybe greeting each other when they pass by?

As for teens and tweens, we have to let them out of sight sometime. Here are our genes, years of life, whole paychecks and countless feelings walking around, so carelessly. And they'll do stupid and dangerous things sometimes. Specially me. If my parents only knew what I did for fun, they'd almost wish I'd perform premature sex experiments instead. A bored kid with Asperger's and inherited chemistry penchant (thanks dad for both) may be like a raccoon set loose in your plasterboard room isolation.
The things I did with drugstore chemicals or just petrol would raise a policeman's eyebrow. I had a gardening hobby as a kid and kind of returned to it as a teenager. Furthermore, from a lack of pocket money and part-time jobs in this region, I raided (less or more) abandoned buildings miles around for a loose aluminium or copper. Cigarettes, pot and ocassional booze were normal.
I don't know how would parents feel about that. Who knows what kind of twisted entertainment will our descendants have, considering that today's teens are de facto promiscuous. Or so I heard. Truth be told, looks like the age of innocence is becoming a history.
http://www.drjillandjudgepamshow.com/sho...%93-part-1
http://www.drjillandjudgepamshow.com/sho...ens-part-2

I guess I want to say, I realize that I was not a saint at all and did some crazy things and then of course lied about them. And it probably won't be better with our future children. So what do we do about that? If I tell my kids about my youth and illicit hobbies (which I mostly don't even regret), what lesson will they take? Maybe hopefully they'll be horrified by the primitivity and reject this as an old-fashioned parental uncool custom from corny times. Or maybe they'll get hooked and we'll have to do illicit pyrotechnics and botanics at home together as a family fun, or they'll do it secretly without my supervision.
How can I ask any judgement from them, when I didn't have any, just a huge dose of luck? If I demand judgement from them, all I get in return will be lies. Lies about how good kids they are. Specially the sweet silent obedient types like I was, they do the most freaky stuff, while reputedly the rebelious talking back types can resist peer pressure. What do you think?

If you claim there are nuances to principles, there are no nuances to getting arrested or shot for disobeying the power.
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14-08-2012, 04:18 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
(13-08-2012 01:00 AM)Atothetheist Wrote:  Here is me, sticking my nose in a personal thread where it doesn't belong, but here I go.

Being a teen, I don't think I can relate to you on a level that some might warrent for me to write this post, but I wanted to share my perspectives and my commentaryTongue

When I was a child, one who was about the age of eight, I was very very clingy. I didn't like to lose things, or abandon things. If I saw a lonely rock on the road, I would pick it up, and look at it, and then I would set it down and try my hardest to keep on walking ahead, but my child brain kept my head looking back, and I ended up running back to that rock, and carrying ot back to my house.

I have always feared abandonment, and I hated leaving stuff. I can totally relate to you wanting time to stop, I want that to happen everyday of my life, because I wanted to keep everything I have had, and have with me. I. Don't. Want. To. Lose. Anything.

This still happens, but on a less frequent basis, right now, I have a giant rock collection of rocks I thought were lonely and needed a friend, and I have kept them with me this long. Shocking

I have no idea if that is normal or not.Drinking Beverage

Anyways, I, sadly, am not planning on having kids, though I would like to pass on my genes, as I am the VERY first of my family to touch American soil, I have a feeling I won't even get the chance to marry.

To many things I have planned before That moment.

Though, I have been on the otherside of the stick.

I feel overly attached to things, and my previous caregivers aren't an exception. Sometimes I really yearn to talk to them, and sometimes I yearn to talk to my REAL parents (something I still am denied to). To me, its an overwhelming urge not to leave that makes me really really, REALLY hate myself.

I just can't leave things that I deem special.

Awwww, now this has post is all about me; I guess I am obligated to talk about you now:

your daughters should be proud, and when they leave, if they have a lick of sense, they WILL call and visit you frequently.

There will be rough times, and awesome times, and times in which you forgot that they even left you.

Just think on the very precious moments you have had, and undoubtably will have with them.

Just like I remember the very special moments that I have had with my accidental rock collectionTongue

Hang in there, its ALL going to be worth it in one way, or another.

With much sincerity,

Steven.

Your self-awareness continues to amaze me!


You just gave me the biggest childhood flashback I've had in a really long time. I was a major rock collector, too. When I saw one, I'd pick the one that I thought was the most unique- even if it was deemed 'ugly' by others maybe- as if it had a personality. Then I would also get attached to it. As in feelings for it. So interesting how our brain can do this, and what purpose does this serve for us, to have feelings for inanimate objects? My mom would make me leave rocks behind, or just chose one from the bunch, when we were camping (that's usually when this would happen). I'm not this way anymore, but I notice my daughter is.

Also, young children have these 'security' feelings, too. A special stuffy or blanket that they have to have, to cuddle to sleep or when they are sad. It comforts them. I used to imagine all my stuffed animals as real, with feelings, and I'd feel bad leaving them in the dark in the basement where our play area was. I felt like a bad owner and that they deserved a better person. Guilty feelings, weird.



Thanks for the well wishes. Mama said there will be days like this! Wink
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15-08-2012, 01:58 AM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
(13-08-2012 01:00 AM)Atothetheist Wrote:  I have always feared abandonment, and I hated leaving stuff. I can totally relate to you wanting time to stop, I want that to happen everyday of my life, because I wanted to keep everything I have had, and have with me. I. Don't. Want. To. Lose. Anything.

This still happens, but on a less frequent basis, right now, I have a giant rock collection of rocks I thought were lonely and needed a friend, and I have kept them with me this long. Shocking

I have no idea if that is normal or not.Drinking Beverage
I don't know if it's normal either, I'm short on normality, but certainly there's nothing wrong about it. I used to collect my share of rocks too. Mostly quartz but ocassionally mom would buy me semi-precious stones, which today make a nice decoration. The weirdest pieces I have is a blue glassy rock that looks brown through light (possibly a copper manufacture byproduct) and a mysterious silver shiny rock, that is reputedly some kind of ore processing leftover to make semi-conductors. (it doesn't rust, so it's not iron apparently)
Furthermore, Geology is a respected area of study and in some areas it even becomes extreme sport with all these creationists around Smile

(13-08-2012 01:00 AM)Atothetheist Wrote:  Awwww, now this has post is all about me; I guess I am obligated to talk about you now:
Oh damn, I forgot! The posts about people's daughters seem so complete, what could I add with my little experience?
Maybe, I'd like to know more about these parental feelings and attachments that get switched on in people's brains. Sounds interesting, even scary, should ever some parent evaluate me as a threat to his child. Stranger danger and so on.

(13-08-2012 01:00 AM)Atothetheist Wrote:  your daughters should be proud, and when they leave, if they have a lick of sense, they WILL call and visit you frequently.
Unless they have Asperger's. In this case they'll need a schedule when to call. Please don't keep a grudge for that Smile

If you claim there are nuances to principles, there are no nuances to getting arrested or shot for disobeying the power.
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04-09-2012, 06:55 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
It was her birthday yesterday. They grow too fast. Climbing trees now! Heart


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04-09-2012, 06:56 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
(04-09-2012 06:55 PM)LadyJane Wrote:  It was her birthday yesterday. They grow too fast. Climbing trees now! Heart


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04-09-2012, 07:15 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
What a gorgeous kid, LJ. Great pic, too!!! Smile

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05-09-2012, 01:44 AM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
A2: I used to collect stones too. And once there was no space anymore, my mother made me throw one for every new one I brought home Sad

LJ: How sweet! I want one like that!

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07-09-2012, 08:38 AM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
Must... not... use... photoshop...

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