Your Potential Children and Kids
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10-08-2012, 04:45 PM (This post was last modified: 10-08-2012 04:48 PM by LadyJane.)
Your Potential Children and Kids
If you don't have kids yet, I suggest not taking that road. Parenting children hurts- like, a lot.

So. Much.

There is this survival instinct in us that drives us to live on as a species. There is this part that maybe only parents can know and feel, I mean to know exactly. Not just understand it. I realize not every parent is like this, there are post-partum depressions or attachment disorders, or other factors, that might not strengthen this biological component to parenthood. But, for me, I'm completely fucked.

I never ever thought love could actually hurt. When I realize how much I love my children, as a mother, it makes me physically ill. Like someone has stabbed me in the heart- a sharp and dull ache at the same time. I want to puke.

And just when that is bad enough, I realize how time is against me. Everyday they are bigger, every day they are slipping from my arms. Who knew unconditional love could make a person this sad.

When I had my eldest daughter I knew the night before I had her that I was going to because I had a scheduled induction. Before I saw her face, knew her gender or felt who she is- I cried myself to sleep. I didn't want a still birth, I didn't want to drop her, I didn't want her to choke, I didn't want a kidnapper to steal her, I didn't want her to get a horrible disease, I didn't want her to be bullied at school, I didn't want her to become addicted to drugs, I didn't want her to have an abusive spouse and I want to see her until she is an old grandma, years after I have died.

I didn't want her to have a human experience for its treachery.

I cried myself to sleep.

Holding her in my arms the next day, I won't lie, was a single truly magical feeling and it was surreal, in the most amazing way.

And ever since then, for both my girls, I feel helpless that they already aren't mine. They don't belong to me and I can't keep them. It is freakin' brutal.

When I held them as babies, I wanted to stop time. I wanted to find the largest mass in the universe so we could live on it and have time slow down to nearly zero.

I try not to have this overwhelm me. Maybe I should never listen to music, because that doesn't usually help (ha ha). But I usually try to turn this into something positive. Fill our days with simple meaningful moments, like eating popcorn around a fire or silly fun. Maybe I make art or go running to just deal with what's bubbling over. But it's a shadow that is always here.

So yeah... jus so ya know, that might happen to you. And as much as babies are cute (and tasty!) they come with doom.

(usually an upbeat poster, I am- but this is what you get today.)
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10-08-2012, 04:50 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
Yes, I'm right there with you. Which is why I know for fact that if anyone was to hurt my child I would snap. I wouldn't be me anymore. And if someone hurt my child on purpose I would have a very long jail sentence ahead of me.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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10-08-2012, 05:15 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
We don't have kids, yet, but soon we want to get pregnant (yes I am saying that as plural because my hubby is going to get a fair share of my pregnancy hahaha).
I know that I have a very strong mommy gene in me. I always had a very protective side of me, so when I was little I would protect smaller kids and animals, later I would be protective for my friends and pets...
From my profession and having worked with kids, I know how much some things do hurt (I connect with the kids quite fast), like seeing how some kids with so much potential will never have a chance in live because of their stupid parents. Such things do hurt me and I want to be a better mother than a lot that I have seen.
I want to love, and educate my child, I want to protect it, I want to make it laugh and think about things, I want to teach it good values and moral.

Yes, I know that love can hurt physically, it can hurt like getting a bad punch in the stomach, like being hit by a truck. But I don't want my kids to be the center of my negative emotions, of being all scared about all the bad things on the planet. I want to enjoy as much time with them as I can and when they grew up, I want to send them into the world with the knowledge that they will do just fine.

...

Sorry, this is a big topic for me, because we have been waiting for the good times and of being able to try for babies, so long and now this is actually becoming possible... And I am curious and excited.... hehe

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10-08-2012, 06:34 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
I felt similarly when my older brother left the house. I thought he would be a brother, right there for me forever...

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10-08-2012, 07:20 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
Sounds to me like you're pregnant again. Especially the part about feeling like you want to puke. Drinking Beverage

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10-08-2012, 07:45 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
I'm fairly confident your girls are not yet teenagers. If they were, I suspect the op would have looked more like this:

I hate children. Especially my own.





Lol, just messin with ya. But the thought of them "leaving the nest" really does get a little easier as they get older. Only a little though.

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10-08-2012, 07:49 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
(10-08-2012 07:20 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  Sounds to me like you're pregnant again. Especially the part about feeling like you want to puke. Drinking Beverage

Then that'd be an eight year pregnancy- yikes!

I'm not pregnant, just still mothering the ones I do have Heart
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10-08-2012, 07:58 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
(10-08-2012 07:45 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  I'm fairly confident your girls are not yet teenagers. If they were, I suspect the op would have looked more like this:

I hate children. Especially my own.





Lol, just messin with ya. But the thought of them "leaving the nest" really does get a little easier as they get older. Only a little though.


Nu-uh! No


I'm sure I've said it here before, and I try not to let my daughter know, but teens are my absolute favourite. I worked at a teen drop in for years, best time of my life!

I'm secretly one of those moms who probably would have breast fed them until their wedding day if it weren't against my better judgement, lol. It takes a lot of effort on my part to take them out of the bubble I want to keep them in.

If I'm anything like my mom, which I am, she tells me it never gets easier and she still worries about us all the time. I'm sure I'm following the family footsteps.

Makes me wonder if it's an instinct that is genetic in some way- or maybe a nurtured behavior. Consider
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10-08-2012, 08:16 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
Been a mom now for almost...gasp...36 years. There were times I was ready to kill to protect my kids.

Then estrogen made my daughters nuts.

When I signed up on Myspace, I was tempted to put 'undecided' for an answer to do you want to have children...at that point, I'd have sold both girls for a nickel. Actually I may have paid someone to take them. There are still days like that.

'See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way.' -JF
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10-08-2012, 08:38 PM
RE: Your Potential Children and Kids
I don't have kids, and at 41 am not likely to. But every dream I've had about babies has been about me dropping them, or leaving them at the grocery store, or forgetting their names and birthdays.

I work in a school though. Kids are pretty rough and I'm kind of glad I don't live with any. Smile

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