Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
10-01-2015, 02:46 PM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
My wife and I were married for 8 years. It never occurred to me that we should share passwords. Her emails were her business. If I had trust issues, they certainly wouldn't be solved by knowing her email password. Trust is what marriage should be built on.

But then again, now I don't have a wife, so I guess any advice should be taken with a grain of salt. Consider

So many cats, so few good recipes.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Stark Raving's post
10-01-2015, 04:17 PM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
(10-01-2015 10:38 AM)undergroundp Wrote:  Your sister's problem could cost her her marriage. It's very hard to be with someone who constantly makes you feel oppressed.
I've had boyfriends who were extremely jealous (to the point of calling me all the time when I'm out with male friends or crying because of feelings of inadequacy) and it was unbearable.
My current boyfriend does occasionally get jealous, but not to extreme levels. He says that a tiny bit of jealousy is needed in a relationship to "keep things going", and I tend to agree.
As long as there is good communication and honesty, there shouldn't be any insecurity issues.

I agree. If my sister and I were close, I would tell her how damaging her behavior is. There is no way she would hear me out.

Jealousy is totally normal. Insecurity is a very normal human emotion. Many people are embarrassed to admit jealousy because of the bad behavior that stems from it. I think it's perfectly fine to feel jealous as long as you manage it and keep treating people right.

For example, I've gotten a lot better, but I sometimes still get jealous of other women who are pretty. Blush But that doesn't give me an excuse to treat these women badly or to get mad at my husband for noticing their beauty. When I feel jealous, I try to replace my jealousy with appreciation for whatever quality I'm jealous of. Also, even if someone else is pretty doesn't mean I'm not pretty. Girl_nails Tongue

(10-01-2015 01:45 PM)Jack_Ripper Wrote:  Either she'll grow out of it eventually or drive him away. My wife used to be the same way, She finally grew up.
My wife's childhood and past were extenuating circumstances though. She had never had anyone she could trust before, including her parents.

I'm glad she grew out of that. That's very good of you to be so patient with her. Smile I hope it'll be the same way with my sister.

(10-01-2015 02:41 PM)gofish! Wrote:  My wife, my son and I alll have our own password and they are secret, period. No sharing. Quite apart from good security practice, and the small fact that there's usually a way to recover passwords if lost, the biggest issue for me is one of respect.
Sometimes it is the trust you show that gets you the trust you seek.

I like this. Thumbsup me and my husband share all passwords, but at this point it's more for convenience. However, I grew up in a VERY nosy family, and it would've been nice to not wonder who has snooped my Myspace, Facebook, emails, and even my journals. I didn't have any privacy.
I guess it's safe to say that we all have to determine what is the best for our relationships. Smile

(10-01-2015 02:46 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  If I had trust issues, they certainly wouldn't be solved by knowing her email password. Trust is what marriage should be built on.
But then again, now I don't have a wife, so I guess any advice should be taken with a grain of salt. Consider

I agree that trust issues can't be solved by knowing someones password. I don't agree that your advice should be taken with a grain of salt though. Your advice is solid. Thumbsup

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like LadyWallFlower's post
10-01-2015, 11:12 PM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
We interpret the future based upon the past.

Sounds possible that your sister has been hurt in the past and now expects the same to happen. Her worries could be completely unlogical and until she faces her own insecurity and issues then she will continue to oppress her partner.

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
11-01-2015, 12:04 AM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
Great thread. Really wish our culture didn't promote people owning each other after a marriage. Just listen to "love songs". The idea that you're going to find one person who is your "soul mate" and never desire others is damn naive, at least for men. Don't intend a double standard, just think it's a clearer case for men. We are wired to spread our seed. I want to fuck other women, period, especially young women who appear to be good child bearers. That's what my brain tells my crotch to do.

My wife and I have no jealousy. Hell, I like it if she thinks other men are attractive. Tells me she still has a sexual pulse, makes her sexier, and the competition triggers my adrenaline.

I see women every day that I'd like to spend time with. Sometimes I do. Life is short and personal interaction is a big part of what makes it beautiful. Wife doesn't care. Tells me I can fuck around if I want as long as I come back to her. We are closer than ever. Yes jealousy is normal, but also something that should diminish with maturity, in our case to the point of almost not being felt at all.

No ownership for us. And we love the hell out of each other, whatever that word means. And it's beautiful.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes freetoreason's post
11-01-2015, 12:26 AM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
I would add that I crave emotional connections more than sexual. Sex is throw away. I want to make as many meaningful connections with other human beings as I can before death. I shouldn't have to shut down half of the human race because I committed to raise children with one person. I am raising those kids with her, and will always protect, encourage and treasure her. She knows me better that any ever will, and I owe my life to her. But I can engage meaningfully with others too.

I want to fuck young women but connect with women closer to my age. For me women are much more fascinating to get to know than are most men. I can have better conversations with them. Maybe there's a subconscious sexual motivation, but I think it's more psych/emotion. I want to talk to the ladies!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
11-01-2015, 12:50 AM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
Ok so I,like this topic. One thing I think the bible gets right is polygamy. I think it's closer to the natural state. I have a serious case of white knight syndrome. Want to save every damsel in distress I come across. Especially want to help them understand their beauty, in whatever form that takes.

I could see having more than one lifetime partner, especially if the women could learn to cherish one another. Maybe make most of the sex group! Ha, now I'm dreaming. I'd have white, black, Latino and Asian all represented! Of course they could get some on the side too. Come on people now, everybody get together, try to love one another!

It's like wanting to bring home lost puppies. My wife understands it, and may even admire the compassion. It's just another opportunity to make a difference in someone's life. But I won't deny there are probably often selfish sexual motivations in the mix. This stuff is never black and white.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
12-01-2015, 08:17 AM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
(11-01-2015 12:04 AM)freetoreason Wrote:  Great thread. Really wish our culture didn't promote people owning each other after a marriage. Just listen to "love songs". The idea that you're going to find one person who is your "soul mate" and never desire others is damn naive, at least for men. Don't intend a double standard, just think it's a clearer case for men. We are wired to spread our seed. I want to fuck other women, period, especially young women who appear to be good child bearers. That's what my brain tells my crotch to do.

My wife and I have no jealousy. Hell, I like it if she thinks other men are attractive. Tells me she still has a sexual pulse, makes her sexier, and the competition triggers my adrenaline.

I see women every day that I'd like to spend time with. Sometimes I do. Life is short and personal interaction is a big part of what makes it beautiful. Wife doesn't care. Tells me I can fuck around if I want as long as I come back to her. We are closer than ever. Yes jealousy is normal, but also something that should diminish with maturity, in our case to the point of almost not being felt at all.

No ownership for us. And we love the hell out of each other, whatever that word means. And it's beautiful.

I agree that marriage shouldn't be about owning each other. Sometimes people do have a fairy tale view on love...I might add that Christian women are especially guilty of this. When I was a Christian I thought god was going to give me the the perfect fairy tale husband and marriage. Of course, now I have a more realistic and positive view on life. I would never expect such perfection out of any human being, because that would be unfair. The marriage I have now is amazing and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Smile

You mentioned polygamy, and I've actually thought a lot about how I feel ethically concerning polygamy and monogamy since becoming a freethinker. I'm going to share my thoughts on the subject later today (hopefully) when I have a second to write out a good post!

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes LadyWallFlower's post
12-01-2015, 11:40 AM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
(10-01-2015 07:44 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  Here's the point- I'm all for letting your spouse know your passwords to social media accounts and email accounts, but what if your spouse is like my sister? What if they have to log into your accounts regularly and check your history all the time?

I would commend her for being a skeptic and an exemplary critical thinker, who refuses to accept her husbands word on faith alone, but wants to look through the available evidence, and verify his claims, like any worthwhile scientist would do.

J/K.

I would wonder about her insecurity? Is it based on past experiences of men who broke her trust? The past indiscretion of her current husband?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Tomasia's post
12-01-2015, 12:15 PM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
(12-01-2015 11:40 AM)Tomasia Wrote:  
(10-01-2015 07:44 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  Here's the point- I'm all for letting your spouse know your passwords to social media accounts and email accounts, but what if your spouse is like my sister? What if they have to log into your accounts regularly and check your history all the time?

I would commend her for being a skeptic and an exemplary critical thinker, who refuses to accept her husbands word on faith alone, but wants to look through the available evidence, and verify his claims, like any worthwhile scientist would do.

J/K.

I would wonder about her insecurity? Is it based on past experiences of men who broke her trust? The past indiscretion of her current husband?

couldnt help but giggle a little on that Thumbsup


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
12-01-2015, 02:21 PM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
(12-01-2015 11:40 AM)Tomasia Wrote:  I would commend her for being a skeptic and an exemplary critical thinker, who refuses to accept her husbands word on faith alone, but wants to look through the available evidence, and verify his claims, like any worthwhile scientist would do.

J/K.

I would wonder about her insecurity? Is it based on past experiences of men who broke her trust? The past indiscretion of her current husband?

Hehe Tongue

I'm not sure if it's based on passed experiences. I have honestly wondered if she's narcissistic or something. She doesn't have the same standards for herself as she does for others. If you've read any of my other posts, this is the same sister who was breaking my balls about porn. She takes it really personally if her husband looks at it. She compares watching porn to cheating.

I can't say for sure if her husband has actually cheated or not because you never really know what happens behind closed doors, but I doubt it. Although, at this rate he probably will one day. She's claimed he has cheated, but she's a huge liar. She will lie for absolutely no reason.

She's talked to me before about being attracted to other guys, which I told her was totally normal and that I think other guys are attractive too. The problem with that conversation (and many others like it) is that she'll seek my "advice" on these subjects in order to lie about me. If she asks my advice, she knows I'll give my personal experiences. One time I told her I was attracted to some guy, and later I found out that she was telling people that I cheated on my husband with that guy.

A few years ago she tried to sabotage my other sister's new relationship by spreading a rumor that my other sister was in a "sex club". Dodgy You want to know where she got lie that from? Well, my other sister was raped when she was 7 years old by 2 neighbor boys, and they manipulated her by telling her that they were apart of a cool sex club. They tried to do the same to me.

What kind of person would use her sisters rape situation to lie and sabotage the same sisters relationship?

Sorry if that was more information than anyone wanted to know. I actually didn't intend on going so personal with my family life in this thread. But, as you can imagine, I'm contemplating cutting her out of my life.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes LadyWallFlower's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: