Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
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12-01-2015, 02:34 PM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
She sounds toxic. Sadcryface

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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12-01-2015, 02:37 PM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
(11-01-2015 12:50 AM)freetoreason Wrote:  Ok so I,like this topic. One thing I think the bible gets right is polygamy. I think it's closer to the natural state.

Ok, so I don't really mind whether or not someone is polygamous or monogamous. I think each person needs to decide what is right for them.

Personally, I'm monogamous at this point in my life. It's right for me ethically, emotionally, and for my personality right now. It feels natural to me. Honestly, I don't know if I could be polygamous if I tried. I've always been bad at picking up guys, because I'm too awkward about flirting. Laugh out load I'm like a preteen in that I avoid my crush like the plague, stare at him, and giggle a lot. Rolleyes Seriously, the only reason I was able to date my husband is because we were friends for like 6 years.

Lol, but that's just where I'm at right now. If I've learned anything, it's that life is unexpected. I also used to say that I could never stop being a Christian. Lol

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
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12-01-2015, 02:42 PM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
(12-01-2015 02:34 PM)Dom Wrote:  She sounds toxic. Sadcryface

Unfortunately. Sad

It sucks, but the bright side is that I now know she's like this. I was very manipulated for a long time. That is no way to live!

"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me."

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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12-01-2015, 07:37 PM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
Is it wrong? No. But when your spouse behaves that way, denying them access to your social media accounts is likely to just make things worse.

"Why can't I get into your Facebook anymore? What are you hiding? What don't you want me to see?! WHO IS SHE? WHAT'S HER NAME?!?!?!" Evil_monster

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
Ridi, Pagliaccio, sul tuo amore infranto! Ridi del duol, che t'avvelena il cor!
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18-01-2015, 07:08 AM (This post was last modified: 18-01-2015 07:15 AM by freetoreason.)
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
(12-01-2015 02:37 PM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  
(11-01-2015 12:50 AM)freetoreason Wrote:  Ok so I,like this topic. One thing I think the bible gets right is polygamy. I think it's closer to the natural state.

Ok, so I don't really mind whether or not someone is polygamous or monogamous. I think each person needs to decide what is right for them.

Personally, I'm monogamous at this point in my life. It's right for me ethically, emotionally, and for my personality right now. It feels natural to me. Honestly, I don't know if I could be polygamous if I tried. I've always been bad at picking up guys, because I'm too awkward about flirting. Laugh out load I'm like a preteen in that I avoid my crush like the plague, stare at him, and giggle a lot. Rolleyes Seriously, the only reason I was able to date my husband is because we were friends for like 6 years.

Lol, but that's just where I'm at right now. If I've learned anything, it's that life is unexpected. I also used to say that I could never stop being a Christian. Lol

Ha, that's great! I love my wife so much. We have an amazing marriage. The trust, compassion, understanding, sexiness (oh we get dirty!), communication etc, are off the charts. Given how I feel about her as the by far best love of my life, I don't know if polygamy works for me either. It would seem to dilute that one amazing bond. But I sure do like it in concept! Especially the group loving. Thumbsup

Wish I wasn't so horny. I was at an athletic recruiting conference yesterday where they bring out the best of the young coeds for the recruits and a couple were making eyes at me (well in my mind anyway, but I'm biased Smile). Lost my mind. I blame gawd.

You're a neat lady. The shy thing cracks me up. Shy
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18-01-2015, 07:11 AM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
(12-01-2015 02:37 PM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  
(11-01-2015 12:50 AM)freetoreason Wrote:  Ok so I,like this topic. One thing I think the bible gets right is polygamy. I think it's closer to the natural state.

Personally, I'm monogamous at this point in my life. It's right for me ethically, emotionally, and for my personality right now. It feels natural to me.

Oh, I'd really like to hear your thoughts on the ethics part.
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18-01-2015, 08:05 PM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
After I had wakeup sex with my wife this morning, I was laying there thinking about what it would be like if there were a couple other women in another room in the house. I realized I couldn't feel as close to my wife. So yeah, I think polygamy would have a downside. Definitely with the kids.
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20-01-2015, 08:34 AM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
(18-01-2015 08:05 PM)freetoreason Wrote:  After I had wakeup sex with my wife this morning, I was laying there thinking about what it would be like if there were a couple other women in another room in the house. I realized I couldn't feel as close to my wife. So yeah, I think polygamy would have a downside. Definitely with the kids.

I tend to agree. I don't object to other people wanting to be polygamous. It's not for me though. My reasons for being monogamous are right for me and they make logical sense to me. However, my reasons don't apply to anyone but me. Each person should consider their own views and feel confident about their own reasoning. Okay, I'm about to have a bitch-rant...lol.

Some people say that polygamy is natural and monogamy isn't. Personally, I think that's kind of a cop out. No one owes anyone an explanation to why they choose a certain lifestyle, however I do think there should be a more sensible reason than "monogamy isn't natural." I mean, if that's really their reason, I guess that's fine...but it kind of seems like it's something someone might say if they don't feel fully confident in their own lifestyle. Isn't that what homophobes do to homosexuals? "It's not natural!" Like, why do we have to discredit other lifestyles and other peoples sexuality in order to feel better about our own choices?
I have no problem with polygamy in general, I just think it's more about finding out what's natural for each individual. By natural, I mean it makes sense for the individual- it's right for the persons lifestyle, goals, socially, emotionally, ethically, and of course, sexually.

Not to mention, if we're using the "it's natural" excuse, then I can just marry a guy for his money, because it's natural for me to find a man who can support me and our offspring.

I used to work with some ladies that gave me the same criticism about me being married young. If you don't want to get married, don't get married. You can even base your decision to not marry on divorce statistics. Everyone should have an opinion on marriage, but you don't know shit about MY marriage. Drinking Beverage

I'm all fired up! Lol! *Z snap* Yes

Back to the polygamy and monogamy thing, a person also shouldn't be monogamous just because it's the social norm. Perhaps there wouldn't be as many failed marriages if more people would be honest with themselves to begin with about how they want to live their life! Smile

Ok, bitch-rant over. Laugh out load

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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20-01-2015, 10:54 PM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
Agree, let's not judge. I would never judge you for marrying young. There are definite advantages.

I do think that women are biologically more suited to monogamy than are men, and there's a sense in which monogamy has been imposed on men as a social construct. Having sex with only my wife feels extremely unnatural to me physically. Rarely a day goes by that I don't see multiple women that my brain responds to sexually.

One piece of advice I would give women is there's a disconnect between how your partner feels about you and their desire to have sex with other women. They can think you're the most desirable thing around and they'll still desire the variety and conquest. Don't let that get you down, and maybe even consider giving men a little freedom occasionally if it's safe and there are no strings.
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21-01-2015, 07:00 AM
RE: Your opinion: trust, respect, and insecurity in relationships
(20-01-2015 10:54 PM)freetoreason Wrote:  Agree, let's not judge. I would never judge you for marrying young. There are definite advantages.

I do think that women are biologically more suited to monogamy than are men, and there's a sense in which monogamy has been imposed on men as a social construct. Having sex with only my wife feels extremely unnatural to me physically. Rarely a day goes by that I don't see multiple women that my brain responds to sexually.

One piece of advice I would give women is there's a disconnect between how your partner feels about you and their desire to have sex with other women. They can think you're the most desirable thing around and they'll still desire the variety and conquest. Don't let that get you down, and maybe even consider giving men a little freedom occasionally if it's safe and there are no strings.

I agree that most women would probably have an easier time with monogamy than men. I wish monogamy wasn't imposed on anyone. It would be perfect if everyone could just be honest with themselves and not be pressured one way or the other. I hate the idea of anyone feeling trapped or pressured.

As a woman, I would agree that there is a disconnect between knowing that my husband loves me and the fact that he has sexual desires for other women. It doesn't bother me knowing that he has sexual desires for other women, because that's normal. However, it does make me jealous and insecure to think about him actually having sex with other women. I don't want to feel that way though. I want to have more self confidence that doesn't rely on what someone else does. I do think I've gotten a lot better about different things. For example, I used to not be okay with porn, but now I am. I figured, if we're gonna be monogamous, I've at least gotta not break my husbands balls about porn- right? Lol I like to watch it every now and then too.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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