a long overdue rant....
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04-04-2013, 11:49 PM
a long overdue rant....
My grandmother was a devoted Christian for all of her life. she also had the misfortune of not only outliving all of her brothers and sisters, and her parents, but also my grandfather, their only child (my dad), and developing Alzheimer's. she suffered a massive stroke and was bedridden for the last 2 months of her life. my mom, brother, and i moved into a house together to provide care for her from about 2 years before the stroke up until her death.

For the last year before her stroke, she didnt know who we were and we had to tell her multiple times that everybody she asked for was gone. it was a terribly painful and trying time for us all. for the last 6 months before the stroke, she would cry for hours for god to save her.

Alot of people think that this has alot to do with my disbelief. anger at god or whatever. but it doesnt. i was an agnostic long before this. it does have alot to do with my leaning more towards atheism, though.

And it is the main reason for my disgust for the inherent crap that spews from religion. im angry that this type of crap was pumped into her from birth and she held onto it through her last words. even when she forgot us, she never forgot that load of crap. If she hadnt believed it wouldnt have made a damn bit of difference, i know that. but at least she wouldnt have shed tears over a god that couldnt hear her.

Shes been gone for 2 years now but sometimes i still hear her crying out in my sleep. i absolutely adored her and i try to be as gracious and beautiful a person as she was.

It just pisses me off to think of what an utter letdown she must have experienced towards the end. what could have went through her head when she realized he wasnt going to save her, if she ever realized at all.

And its odd to think that after giving up religion 17 years ago, im still recovering from it.
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05-04-2013, 12:00 AM
RE: a long overdue rant....
Like I said to another guy on the forum, you could be an atheist without showing it. You were not anti-theist. Your grandma would feel better if you show a little increased interest in religion.

But what kind of god it is whose followers don't like honest disbelievers !

Want something? Then do something.
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05-04-2013, 12:05 AM
RE: a long overdue rant....
Be thankful that she no longer lives in fear and questioning. The last part of her life was difficult, I'm sure, but the rest of it hopefully filled with good experiences and memories which she kept with her till the end. She no longer suffers. That's what matters.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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05-04-2013, 06:32 AM
RE: a long overdue rant....
(04-04-2013 11:49 PM)lovelybones Wrote:  My grandmother was a devoted Christian for all of her life. she also had the misfortune of not only outliving all of her brothers and sisters, and her parents, but also my grandfather, their only child (my dad), and developing Alzheimer's. she suffered a massive stroke and was bedridden for the last 2 months of her life. my mom, brother, and i moved into a house together to provide care for her from about 2 years before the stroke up until her death.

For the last year before her stroke, she didnt know who we were and we had to tell her multiple times that everybody she asked for was gone. it was a terribly painful and trying time for us all. for the last 6 months before the stroke, she would cry for hours for god to save her.

Alot of people think that this has alot to do with my disbelief. anger at god or whatever. but it doesnt. i was an agnostic long before this. it does have alot to do with my leaning more towards atheism, though.

And it is the main reason for my disgust for the inherent crap that spews from religion. im angry that this type of crap was pumped into her from birth and she held onto it through her last words. even when she forgot us, she never forgot that load of crap. If she hadnt believed it wouldnt have made a damn bit of difference, i know that. but at least she wouldnt have shed tears over a god that couldnt hear her.

Shes been gone for 2 years now but sometimes i still hear her crying out in my sleep. i absolutely adored her and i try to be as gracious and beautiful a person as she was.

It just pisses me off to think of what an utter letdown she must have experienced towards the end. what could have went through her head when she realized he wasnt going to save her, if she ever realized at all.

And its odd to think that after giving up religion 17 years ago, im still recovering from it.
It sounds like a terrible way to get tortured by one's own mind. Gives a good idea of Hell or Tartaros, to go over and over through a traumatic experience. I would consider drugging her as one does when in great pain.

That being said, my irreverent nagging mind asks, why did not her religion help her? If we believe that our loved ones are in Heaven, waiting for us, how can we be sad to know we're going to be soon with them forever? A sadness would make sense that they're not here with us now, to comfort us before death. I get that. But why would she want god to save her? What is there to save? I'd look forward to the stay in Heaven and not being parted again from the family.
This is what the religion is supposed to do, to comfort us! Why did it fail? What is it that we really want, even with god on our tongue? It seems to me worse for that, because although your grandma held onto god till the end, this did not seem to help her the least bit to suffer less, death was still death, loss is still a loss. No kind of fake, empty crap can change that. If anything does, I'll make sure to tell others.
I don't want anyone close to me die, but I know it will happen some day and I don't know how my beliefs will hold me up when that comes.
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05-04-2013, 03:34 PM
RE: a long overdue rant....
(05-04-2013 06:32 AM)Luminon Wrote:  
(04-04-2013 11:49 PM)lovelybones Wrote:  My grandmother was a devoted Christian for all of her life. she also had the misfortune of not only outliving all of her brothers and sisters, and her parents, but also my grandfather, their only child (my dad), and developing Alzheimer's. she suffered a massive stroke and was bedridden for the last 2 months of her life. my mom, brother, and i moved into a house together to provide care for her from about 2 years before the stroke up until her death.

For the last year before her stroke, she didnt know who we were and we had to tell her multiple times that everybody she asked for was gone. it was a terribly painful and trying time for us all. for the last 6 months before the stroke, she would cry for hours for god to save her.

Alot of people think that this has alot to do with my disbelief. anger at god or whatever. but it doesnt. i was an agnostic long before this. it does have alot to do with my leaning more towards atheism, though.

And it is the main reason for my disgust for the inherent crap that spews from religion. im angry that this type of crap was pumped into her from birth and she held onto it through her last words. even when she forgot us, she never forgot that load of crap. If she hadnt believed it wouldnt have made a damn bit of difference, i know that. but at least she wouldnt have shed tears over a god that couldnt hear her.

Shes been gone for 2 years now but sometimes i still hear her crying out in my sleep. i absolutely adored her and i try to be as gracious and beautiful a person as she was.

It just pisses me off to think of what an utter letdown she must have experienced towards the end. what could have went through her head when she realized he wasnt going to save her, if she ever realized at all.

And its odd to think that after giving up religion 17 years ago, im still recovering from it.
It sounds like a terrible way to get tortured by one's own mind. Gives a good idea of Hell or Tartaros, to go over and over through a traumatic experience. I would consider drugging her as one does when in great pain.

That being said, my irreverent nagging mind asks, why did not her religion help her? If we believe that our loved ones are in Heaven, waiting for us, how can we be sad to know we're going to be soon with them forever? A sadness would make sense that they're not here with us now, to comfort us before death. I get that. But why would she want god to save her? What is there to save? I'd look forward to the stay in Heaven and not being parted again from the family.
This is what the religion is supposed to do, to comfort us! Why did it fail? What is it that we really want, even with god on our tongue? It seems to me worse for that, because although your grandma held onto god till the end, this did not seem to help her the least bit to suffer less, death was still death, loss is still a loss. No kind of fake, empty crap can change that. If anything does, I'll make sure to tell others.
I don't want anyone close to me die, but I know it will happen some day and I don't know how my beliefs will hold me up when that comes.
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05-04-2013, 03:48 PM
RE: a long overdue rant....
Luminon, exactly. After all those years, i had never had anger towards religion until i watched her suffer like that. I wouldnt wish that type of illness on my worst enemy.

And then as if that wasnt bad enough, she became trapped inside her own body as well as her mind in the end. to say it was terrible is a massive understatement.

It was torture on both ends, really. for her, it was having to relive those painful memories numerous times a day, everyday. for us, having to deliver that news repeatedly and comfort her in her pain of reliving it. i dont regret a minute of taking care of her and i would do it all over again. I cherish all of it because she was an amazing grandma. she would do absolutely anything for us and to us, taking care of her like that was the least we could do.

To me, in the end, it was the final nail in the coffin for the Christian god. if he did exist, he deserves to be bitchslapped for things such as this.
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05-04-2013, 04:03 PM
RE: a long overdue rant....
(04-04-2013 11:49 PM)lovelybones Wrote:  My grandmother was a devoted Christian for all of her life. she also had the misfortune of not only outliving all of her brothers and sisters, and her parents, but also my grandfather, their only child (my dad), and developing Alzheimer's. she suffered a massive stroke and was bedridden for the last 2 months of her life. my mom, brother, and i moved into a house together to provide care for her from about 2 years before the stroke up until her death.

For the last year before her stroke, she didnt know who we were and we had to tell her multiple times that everybody she asked for was gone. it was a terribly painful and trying time for us all. for the last 6 months before the stroke, she would cry for hours for god to save her.

Alot of people think that this has alot to do with my disbelief. anger at god or whatever. but it doesnt. i was an agnostic long before this. it does have alot to do with my leaning more towards atheism, though.

And it is the main reason for my disgust for the inherent crap that spews from religion. im angry that this type of crap was pumped into her from birth and she held onto it through her last words. even when she forgot us, she never forgot that load of crap. If she hadnt believed it wouldnt have made a damn bit of difference, i know that. but at least she wouldnt have shed tears over a god that couldnt hear her.

Shes been gone for 2 years now but sometimes i still hear her crying out in my sleep. i absolutely adored her and i try to be as gracious and beautiful a person as she was.

It just pisses me off to think of what an utter letdown she must have experienced towards the end. what could have went through her head when she realized he wasnt going to save her, if she ever realized at all.

And its odd to think that after giving up religion 17 years ago, im still recovering from it.

I so hear you....
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06-04-2013, 09:17 AM
RE: a long overdue rant....
"Alot of people think that this has alot to do with my disbelief. anger at god or whatever. but it doesnt. i was an agnostic long before this. it does have alot to do with my leaning more towards atheism, though."

Screw them. There's nothing wrong with being mad at the God who tortured her.
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06-04-2013, 10:57 AM
RE: a long overdue rant....
(06-04-2013 09:17 AM)Lienda Bella Wrote:  "Alot of people think that this has alot to do with my disbelief. anger at god or whatever. but it doesnt. i was an agnostic long before this. it does have alot to do with my leaning more towards atheism, though."

Screw them. There's nothing wrong with being mad at the God who tortured her.

You are so right. im more mad at the institution, though. i cant be mad at a nonexistent being.
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