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03-03-2017, 03:28 PM
RE: #alternativefacts
(03-03-2017 03:01 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  
(01-03-2017 03:47 AM)Vera Wrote:  Trump Sons Detained At Vancouver Airport Due To Alleged Ties With Fascist Dictator Gasp

RICHMOND, BC—Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump are in police custody at YVR airport this evening, after alleged ties to a fascist dictator surfaced during routine questioning.

The two sons of a former American billionaire, had flown to the pacific northwest for the unveiling of the new Trump tower in Downtown Vancouver.

However upon arrival the brothers were reportedly selected for random inspection by the Canadian Border Services Agency and ultimately detained under suspicion that they may be connected to an oppressive regime in a foreign nation.

The Trump boys, who have followed in their family’s rich tradition of leeching off their father, are believed to be in contact with at least one leader accused of suppressing free speech and limiting the rights of migrants.

“We have reason to believe that these individuals are linked to a dictatorship and have held them for further questioning,” an official RCMP statement read. “Canada has strict laws about supporting tyrants and the safety of British Columbians is paramount.” According to the statement, the unnamed individual was among the “most vile” they had ever seen.

The brothers insist they are being unfairly targeted and have threatened legal action:

“Suing someone is literally the last thing anyone in this family wants to do but this is discrimination, plain and simple,” Eric Trump told CBC Vancouver. “We were made to feel like terrorists, in front of the entire airport. Does anyone have any idea how embarrassing that is?”

“They’re refusing us entry to this country based on circumstances we have nothing to do with. It’s inhumane,” Donald Jr. piped up. “We have rights you know.”


The decision to detain the pair has caused such controversy that even the President of the United States has personally tweeted about the incident. “Detaining people at the airport is disgusting. How the hell can the people of Vancouver look at themselves in the mirror after this,” he said, claiming the entire incident was all he needed to “finally justify invading Canada”.

RCMP added that the cost of detaining the Trump bros. will be gladly paid for by BC taxpayers.

Is the Burrard Street Journal like The Onion? Or is this real?

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04-03-2017, 04:00 AM
RE: #alternativefacts
Most assuredly not, Full Circle. This is the BS Journal, of course it's real! Drinking Beverage

Trump Offers Obama Newly Created Role As Ambassador To ISIS

[Image: President-Trump-Offers-Obama-New-Role-As....jpg?w=998]

WASHINGTON, DC—Former President Barrack Obama has been surprisingly offered a new role under the current administration, as the United States’ first official ambassador to ISIS.

Trump confirmed at today’s press briefing that he had personally reached out to his predecessor in an effort to “finally bring down” the infamous terrorist organisation.

“I want to settle our differences and move on,” Trump said of the 44th President. “ISIS are incredibly dangerous and must be stopped. A man of his vast experience will be invaluable in the fight for peace.”

President Trump, who promised to defeat ISIS within his first 30 days in charge, claimed Obama is ideally placed to act as America’s official representative in “Syria or Iraq or wherever his duties take him”.

“Barrack’s experience with terrorist groups is second to none,” Trump said, glowingly. “I mean who better than the founder of ISIS to help bring down the very organization he himself created.”

The 45th President outlined that if Obama accepts the position he must officially resign as leader of the Islamic State due to the “obvious” conflict of interest.

“I know it’ll be an adjustment for him, but I believe in Barry. I think this could be his first step towards repaying the tremendous debt he owes this country,” adding that unfortunately due recent overspending, no Secret Services detail will be afforded to the former president on diplomatic missions outside the U.S.

Number 44 confirmed that Trump had called him to “bury the hatchet” but admitted the phone call quickly descended into the current President hounding Obama for “inside secrets” on his “people”.

“I told him ISIL are primarily based in Milan but have sleeper cells in Paris, Rome, Tokyo, and Hawaii. In fact, especially Hawaii,” Obama said, packing various suitcases.

(Some of the comments have been priceless. Not sure which ones are better, the ones who play along or the ones who genuinely believe even the most outrageous articles)

[Image: 16999215_1608322445851609_5158932805042567275_n.png]

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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28-03-2017, 09:21 AM
RE: #alternativefacts
Trump Claims America Should Never Have Given Canada Its Independence

[Image: Trump-Claims-America-Should-Never-Have-G...=777%2C420]

NEW YORK, NY—Donald J. Trump has told Fox and Friends that he believes the U.S. “should never have allowed” Canada to gain independence.

The President freely admits to being “a little rusty” on Canadian history, but feels confident that the United States owned Canada “at some point”, and claims giving it back was a “major mistake”.

BREAKING: Trump Changes From Orange To Green In Honour Of St. Paddy’s Day

The former reality tv star was responding to a question about Puerto Rico possibly becoming the 51st state of the US, when he made the statement. “It used to be 51 you know, when we had Canada,” Trump said, pointing to an American flag, “Or 52 if you count Mexico which I never will, no matter how much they beg.”

The interviewer Brian Kilmeade, seemed unmoved by Trump’s remark and asked him to explain his understanding of Canadian/American history, as the Fox host began scribbling notes:

“I personally think it was the biggest mistake in American history, giving Canada back. Look at that place now, it’s falling to pieces. It’s overrun by godless, gunless hippies and it’s such a shame to see.”

As the host nodded along, Trump explained that America got a “terrible deal” with Canada who “stole” the land over a thousand years ago “or something like that”.

“It was a truly awful deal. Canada gets Toronto and Vancouver, which has the hottest women, and what did we get? Alaska? The Florida of Canada? Such a terrible deal.

“Well now your elected, what are you going to do about it?” Kilmeade asked. “Forcefully take Canada and claim it as part of America?”

“I think that’s gotta be an option,” Trump responded. “You know, they’ve got a lot of oil up there, a lot.”

“I’m not sure there is any evidence to support this theory, Donald,” Kilmeade intervened. “I mean wasn’t Canada founded by Britain and France who invaded–” “No, are you kidding me?” Trump interrupted. “You think that either of those guys know the first thing about war? No Canada has belonged to America since Jesus’ time, and that’s a fact.”

Shortly after the controversial interview, Trump reiterated his stance towards Canada with a tweet that was deleted 20 minutes later, not before being retweeted over 6,000 times.”

It's not easy being green...

"Trump Changes From Orange To Green In Honour Of St Paddy's Day"


[Image: 17355086_10154470787497076_1844457560_n.jpg?w=800]

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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05-04-2017, 05:06 PM
RE: #alternativefacts
Mike Pence Hospitalized After Becoming Trapped In Elevator With Woman

[Image: Mike-Pence-Hospitalized-After-Becoming-T....jpg?w=850]

WASHINGTON, DC—The Vice President of the United States of America is said to be in a “critical condition” in the White House Medical Unit tonight after becoming trapped in an elevator with an unknown woman for almost 20 minutes.

Doctors at the WHMU say Pence is “lucky to be alive”, claiming “another minute” in the 8×6 ft. death chamber would have surely ended the Indiana native’s life.

“To be exposed to a young female in such a concentrated dose would be enough for any man, let alone one with such an extreme sensitivity to estrogen,” Dr. Mann told the NY Post. “It’s best that he avoid contact with any woman for a few months, aside from his wife of course.”

Related: Female Legislators Unveil ‘Male Ejaculation Bill’ Forbidding The Disposal Of Unused Semen

A White House spokesman claimed the V.P. had become momentarily separated from his Secret Service detail, leading to him entering the elevator unescorted. It is believed that Vice President Pence was unaware a solitary female was already present at the time, and as we now know, tragically this woman was neither his wife, daughter or mother.

The mysterious woman, currently being interrogated by Secret Service, was believed to have been fully grown, possibly reaching as tall as 5 feet 7 inches, meaning the Vice President stood little chance of suppressing his natural instinct to accept the woman’s undoubted lust for him.

“The fact that he was able to hold out for nearly 20 minutes without grabbing her is a testament to the kind of man, husband and feminist Mike is,” President Trump later told reporters. “God knows I would have cracked inside 60 seconds.”

According to CCTV the woman did attempt to dash out of the elevator once the VP entered, as is standard White House protocol for all female staff, but she was too late. The video shows the Vice President remained calm initially, casually ordering the woman to stand in one corner of the elevator and stare at her feet, with him doing the same in the opposite end. However, disaster struck once the elevator jerked to an abrupt stop and technicians informed the pair it could be up to 30 minutes before they would be freed.

Pence immediately began gasping for air and desperately trying to loosen his tie as he slowly slid down onto the floor. “I tried to help him,” the young lady screamed as Secret Service dragged her away, but this only made the situation worse as video evidence shows the woman was not wearing a skirt that fully covered her knee, sending the VP into anaphylactic shock.

Luckily emergency services were able to blast open the doors of the elevator in time to save the Vice President’s life and in all likelihood save the young lady from the electric chair.

Pence is expected to make a full recovery physically, however doctors warn the entire incident could result in some long-term psychological issues for the V.P. surrounding women.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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19-04-2017, 05:50 PM
RE: #alternativefacts
Trump Approaches United Airlines About Managing Guantanamo

[Image: Trump-Approaches-United-Airlines-About-M....jpg?w=843]

WASHINGTON, DC (By Maxamillian Wallace and Anthea Morritt)—White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer confirmed the Trump administration’s commitment to drastically increase the severity of its interrogation techniques today, by announcing that United Airlines has been officially approached to take over management of the contentious Guantanamo Bay Detention Facility.

This move comes just days after footage surfaced online of a 69-year old American doctor being forcibly dragged from an overbooked United Airlines flight, in what President Donald Trump is calling a “very impressive audition tape.”

“The advanced torture techniques on display, show that United is ready to do away with ridiculous Obama-era weaknesses, such as Human Rights and The Geneva Convention.” Said Spicer, adding that “the company’s ample experience confining [passengers] into small metal boxes with absolutely no contact to the outside world, makes them a perfect candidate for the job.”

“We’ve been a proponent of waterboarding for some time, but we never even considered pre-waterboarding, for those who require a little extra time! Clearly these people would take things to a whole other level” Spicer told reporters, outlining some of the potential changes he hopes that United Airlines will bring to the table.

If they accept the position, Trump would reportedly expect the airline to “heavily increase current sleep deprivation tactics” by forcing prisoners to “stay in the upright, extreme stress positions while the seatbelt sign is on”, and interspersing crying baby/irresponsible parent teams throughout the controversial facility 24 hours a day.

While United Airlines has been encouraged to bring its current level of brutality to the Cuban shores of Guantanamo, Trump has requested one slight reduction, urging United to improve the quality of their food, as many experts agree their current menu constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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