and another one down....
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06-03-2015, 04:34 AM
and another one down....
I found out another one of my good friends died about a month ago. Our lives had taken separate directions a couple of decades ago, but we had stayed in touch periodically. We would go for a year or two and then one or the other would make contact and we would catch up on everything that happened in the meantime and what we thought of it.

Jerry was the kind of person you could share anything with and who would share anything with you. Being with Jerry was always relaxing and comfortable.

So, I am not grieving in the sense that everything I do reminds me of him, but I do feel a strong loss. Thing is, he was the only person I know of who was still alive and knew me well in my 20s. What that means is that now my life sort of starts at around 30 - the life that anyone alive shared with me. Life before 30 might as well be a figment of my imagination - my memories are strong but there are no more witnesses.

Maybe it is not so much that older people lose touch with reality - maybe it is that reality disappears along with the people who shared it with you. It's all in my head now, and no one will ever really understand what it was really like. And so you turn into an older person who revels in recalling things that no one but them has seen - no one still alive that is.

This is a part of life that no one is ever ready for. And it is not talked about, either. Too emotional. Not something people want to think about. So, you don't think about it, and bam, one day it hits you in the face. What once was your reality is now but a dream. A memory no one shares.

So, when Jerry died, another segment of my life went with him. Seems like life shrinks as you get older - not just what you have left in front of you, but also what's behind you. More and more you live in the present, no more long term plans, and no more shared fond memories.

This is in the support section but I am not really looking for support or condolences, just musings about life.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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06-03-2015, 06:28 AM
RE: and another one down....
I understand completely Dom.

This very topic was once brought up in a conversation I had with my grandmother before she died. She was in her mid 80’s at the time and my grandfather had died years before. We were talking about her younger years and she said no one but her remembered them now...very melancholy moment.

I suppose you have no choice but to make new memories.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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06-03-2015, 06:40 AM
RE: and another one down....
The older you get, the more often it happens.

You never really get used to it.

It's just life.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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06-03-2015, 07:59 AM
RE: and another one down....
Well Dom, first I'm sorry for your loss. Sometimes I think about this topic and it gets me depressed. You reminded me of this Carlin quote:

"[...] the one I keep resisting is when they look at an old guy and they’ll say, “Look at him, Dan, he’s 90 years young.”

Imagine the fear of aging that reveals. To not even be able to use the word old to describe someone, to have to use an antonym. And fear of aging is natural, it’s universal, isn’t it? We all have that, no one wants to get old, no one wants to die, but we do. So, we bullshit ourselves."


A small laugh for a terrible reality.

孤独 - The Out Crowd
Life is a flash of light between two eternities of darkness.
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06-03-2015, 11:39 AM
RE: and another one down....
I lost a very good friend last Friday. I was going to start a thread, but had no idea what the thread would be about, so I didnt.

Thanks Dom. I needed somewhere to let that out. Hug

So many cats, so few good recipes.
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06-03-2015, 12:08 PM
RE: and another one down....
(06-03-2015 11:39 AM)Stark Raving Wrote:  I lost a very good friend last Friday. I was going to start a thread, but had no idea what the thread would be about, so I didnt.

Thanks Dom. I needed somewhere to let that out. Hug

Yep, sometimes just saying something makes it better. Hug

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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06-03-2015, 05:35 PM
RE: and another one down....
I lost a good friend when we were very young. Kind of saw it coming because she wouldn't take care of her diabetic condition.

Other than that, I have only lost one other peer (not counting my first husband). Was a hard pill to swallow. We both had cancer at the same time. Different cancers and different health to start with but I am still here and she's gone.

I am at the age that my quite small inner circle could start shrinking any day now. Confused

Sorry to hear of the loss.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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06-03-2015, 05:50 PM
RE: and another one down....
Yeah I get it Dom.

Nothing to add, just know I was nodding in agreement.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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06-03-2015, 06:32 PM (This post was last modified: 06-03-2015 06:37 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: and another one down....
That is very good Dom. Thanks. I liked it a lot. Thumbsup

(06-03-2015 04:34 AM)Dom Wrote:  Maybe it is not so much that older people lose touch with reality - maybe it is that reality disappears along with the people who shared it with you. It's all in my head now, and no one will ever really understand what it was really like.

Think maybe it always was.

(06-03-2015 04:34 AM)Dom Wrote:  What once was your reality is now but a dream. A memory no one shares.

Think maybe it always was.

(06-03-2015 04:34 AM)Dom Wrote:  Seems like life shrinks as you get older - not just what you have left in front of you, but also what's behind you. More and more you live in the present, no more long term plans, and no more shared fond memories.

It becomes immediate. It always should have been immediate.

#sigh
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06-03-2015, 06:35 PM
RE: and another one down....
Oh and this.




#sigh
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