arguments with children-from one topic to the next
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11-06-2013, 09:35 AM (This post was last modified: 11-06-2013 09:39 AM by Bows and Arrows.)
arguments with children-from one topic to the next
Yesterday was NOT one of my best parenting moments. I will say that upfront- there were a hundred different ways I could have handled myself better-and well, I screwed that up. The good news-my children are just as forgiving as I am. We kiss, we makeup, we move on.

Yesterday we were cleaning out the over-stuffed toy room. Sorting thru tubs of toys deciding what will go into storage, what will be donated, discarding broken toys, etc. We are hoping to sell our house and move to a new one this summer.

My daughters are soon to be 8 & 10. And, well, sisters....which can be the best of friends and worst of enemies. Tasks like this never go easy and after awhile we start getting on each others nerves.

I finally got to the other side of the room and noticed the windowsill was all scratched up with basically kid graffiti. "x" marks, circles, carved into the wood. And it just set me off-that was my last straw. My temper went from zero to sixty in seconds flat. I wanted to know WHO did it--both girls say the didn't know. Lots of screaming about lying, honesty, truth, a trip to their rooms, more yelling. Dolls flying down the stairs, tears, denials...not just the whole 9 yards but atleast 50 yards, later we get to a moment of truth. One child starts saying that she "might have done it-but can't remember" GUILTY.

2 minutes later this same child is saying that *I* lie sometimes. wait!!! who turned the tables?!! I..I...I.........GUILTY.

We talked about how important it is to know the truth. That we would rather know the truth -even if it was something we didn't want to hear. That lying about something was a bigger offense than whatever crime was committed. I admitted that I did indeed tell a few lies, and I would tell them the truth-but they won't like it. They still wanted to know. My 8 year old said "I just want to know the truth-no matter what it is"

Back in January I had written a letter for my 4th grader about Santa. She was getting to that age where other kids were telling the truth about Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy. So I prepared a letter for when that day came. Today was that day. I sent the letter to their email accounts, sent them to their rooms to read it in private. And then we all talked together. It wasn't a surprise for my oldest, she had friends at school that had started bursting that bubble. The younger one wanted proof....I showed her photo's of the tree with presents all around. Answered questions, etc.

My lies are out in the open now--what a relief. My youngest is grounded from the piano for lying about the windowsill--she has now found interest in the guitar.

But the greatest part of all this was watching my children go from hiding the truth, to demanding the truth, demanding evidence for the truth, and learning lessons about hiding behind lies. I had reached my oldest daughter on an intellectual level about religion years ago. While I was sending her to a church preschool at age 4 - she had all kinds of questions. My youngest though I thought might be persuaded one day if she got sucked into a church, but after yesterday, and the conversations in the last 24hrs, I know she will always want & demand the truth. When she snapped back at me in the midst of heat of our argument about wanting to know the the truth-no matter how bad it is-and wanting proof it hit me--that this child will indeed grow up atheist too. In the middle of all that I smiled, because I was really worried her.

My youngest got confirmation from my husband at bedtime, we had forgotten to mention our argument earlier in the day to him-he was at work. Poor guy was put on the spot, about the truth about Santa. He fessed up too.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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11-06-2013, 12:24 PM
RE: arguments with children-from one topic to the next
Sounds like great parenting. I plan on telling my 8 going on 9 yr/old about Santa this summer, on some random warm day. I love having open and honest conversations after life events, these are what mold out kids into who they become and how they think. Your girls question things and call you on things, that is so good. Love it!
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11-06-2013, 12:34 PM
RE: arguments with children-from one topic to the next
(11-06-2013 12:24 PM)LadyJane Wrote:  Sounds like great parenting. I plan on telling my 8 going on 9 yr/old about Santa this summer, on some random warm day. I love having open and honest conversations after life events, these are what mold out kids into who they become and how they think. Your girls question things and call you on things, that is so good. Love it!

I think it really helped that we had this discussion outside of the holiday season. There wasn't so much pressure to believe.

Once they confirmed the gifts are still coming they are ok. Smile


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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11-06-2013, 01:45 PM
RE: arguments with children-from one topic to the next
(11-06-2013 12:34 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  
(11-06-2013 12:24 PM)LadyJane Wrote:  Sounds like great parenting. I plan on telling my 8 going on 9 yr/old about Santa this summer, on some random warm day. I love having open and honest conversations after life events, these are what mold out kids into who they become and how they think. Your girls question things and call you on things, that is so good. Love it!

I think it really helped that we had this discussion outside of the holiday season. There wasn't so much pressure to believe.

Once they confirmed the gifts are still coming they are ok. Smile

Yup! It's best to have any serious conversations about anything AWAY from the serious thing. It puts perspective in the conversation and less confusion from the emotions of the time, which equals better understanding. Smile
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11-06-2013, 02:06 PM
RE: arguments with children-from one topic to the next
All my kids cared about was still getting stuff! Lol. We never did the Easter bunny or tooth fairy.

But Santa was HUGE in our house.

I just got tired of him getting credit for all good gifts...

:-)

Now it's really more fun. Ok not really but almost as fun. Big Grin

You did good!


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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