atheistinhiding82 aka Tyler from Kansas
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01-08-2013, 11:41 PM
atheistinhiding82 aka Tyler from Kansas
Hello all!
As the subject says, my name is Tyler and I am from Kansas in the good ole U S of A.
I grew up in a household that wasn't very churchy, at least to my mind, but it was always understood that "God" existed and was the reason for everything. I trusted my parents that this was the truth. So when my school started teaching me that science was the reason for everything, I was confused. But I had always liked to figure things out on my own, so I developed a theory:
Yes, science had been the method of how everything came to be, but "God" had directed nature in His endeavor to get things to turn out the way He wanted them. The "Creation Story" was just a metaphor for how it all worked. God certainly couldn't have expected primitive man to understand the concepts of how it all worked, so he put it in terms that they could understand, hence the whole "creating the world in 6 days" bit. It made sense to me, at the time, as 6 billion years (the rough estimate for how long the Earth has been around) could certainly pass as 6 days to God.

I didn't talk much about my theory to people. I was afraid to be persecuted for not accepting the Bible, the Word of God, as it was. Plus, it never really came up. In my mind, it was just as well.

I lived much of my life that way. But a couple of years ago, I began to have my doubts. I became more interested in the way the universe worked. In how life came to be.

And I began to understand: Nature doesn't need God.

That naturally lead me to question whether or not I needed God or anything written in that silly, violent, misleading bundle of scrap paper called a Bible. (I had read more of it by this time and was deeply offended by a lot of the stuff in it.)

Then, finally, the rejection of the existence of any deity at all.

My eyes were opened and I felt like I could see clearly for the first time. It was like a non-religious religious experience, if that makes any sense at all. I found all sorts of things that I disliked about religion and what it did to people. But, I decided, I wouldn't force my beliefs on someone else, as that was el numero uno on the list of stuff that I disliked about religion. I was content for people to believe what they chose to. Other people being Christian, or Muslim, or whatever they chose to be certainly didn't hurt me, so why rock the boat?

Also, there was this other little issue, and the reason for my forum name, atheistinhiding: My wife, who I love very much, and who was, at the time of my personal revelation, pregnant with our daughter, who I also love very much, is a Mexican Catholic (We didn't get married in a Catholic Church as I had been married once before and refused to have the contact with my ex-wife necessary to get the annulment) . If you don't know (although I am sure most of you do), religion is a pretty big deal to Mexicans, regardless of how much they actually attend church. I can count on one hand the amount of times that my wife has gone to mass, outside of religious holidays and such. Still, when I floated the idea that I might be "losing my religion", so to speak, during a conversation about how wrong it is for religious people to reject homosexuals (She agrees that it is wrong, by the way), she freaked out. Her words were "I can't be with someone who doesn't believe in God."

I managed to convince her that I still believed in God, and that I was just pissed off at the religious establishment for how they treat people. But from that point forward, I was an atheist in hiding. I was OK with it. I rationalized it by saying to myself, "If you don't believe in all the bullshit anyway, you can just go along with it to make life easier on you. No harm done."

Our daughter is now 18 months old, and we will soon be christening her. I wasn't wild about the idea before I de-converted, but it was her culture and I was willing to go along with it. After all, I had been baptized twice, and I was still able to see reason. I should, if I am very careful about it, be able to instill my children with some critical thinking skills so that they won't become sheep. That is my hope, anyway. I intend to make sure that they get exposed to everything and that they are able to answer their own questions about the origin of life, the universe, and everything.

But still this guilt remains: I feel like I am lying to my wife. The question of my faith doesn't come up often. But when it does, response is always, "Yeah, I believe in God..."

Anyway, that's my story. Sorry it was rather long.

Banned from ChristianChat.com for "Spreading Disbelief"
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02-08-2013, 11:12 PM
RE: atheistinhiding82 aka Tyler from Kansas
The letters aren't a problem for me. I know the 26 of them. But when they comes in large numbers and in different formations ...

I just love 'em. I am a translator. Reading is my occupational obsession.

Welcome. And don't feel bad about the fact that you are always polite about the religious belief thing. You will get over it eventually.

Want something? Then do something.
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02-08-2013, 11:26 PM
RE: atheistinhiding82 aka Tyler from Kansas
Couple of things spring to mind.

First, being involved with the Catholic church means you are in for a bunch of ceremonies (sacraments) if your daughter is raised in the religion. (And for Catholics it isn't a Christening, it's baptism and that's the first of the fun and games).

Second...I find that you can only be what you aren't for so long. Eventually the truth comes out because you either can't stand the falseness any more or you begin to resent the people you are hiding your real self from.

You have already convinced your wife of a lie...that's a tough way to live dude.

I think it may be time to determine exactly where you stand and figure out how to deal with future religious affiliation for your child.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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03-08-2013, 02:27 PM
RE: atheistinhiding82 aka Tyler from Kansas
(02-08-2013 11:26 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Couple of things spring to mind.

First, being involved with the Catholic church means you are in for a bunch of ceremonies (sacraments) if your daughter is raised in the religion. (And for Catholics it isn't a Christening, it's baptism and that's the first of the fun and games).

Second...I find that you can only be what you aren't for so long. Eventually the truth comes out because you either can't stand the falseness any more or you begin to resent the people you are hiding your real self from.

You have already convinced your wife of a lie...that's a tough way to live dude.

I think it may be time to determine exactly where you stand and figure out how to deal with future religious affiliation for your child.
I've started to come to that conclusion. The problem lies in easing her into it. My fear is that once I tell her, she will abandon me, and take our daughter with her. Is this a rational fear? I'm not sure. I could handle my parents not talking to me any more, as much as it would hurt. But losing them in addition to my wife and daughter seems almost unbearable.

Banned from ChristianChat.com for "Spreading Disbelief"
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