bearing my soul
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22-08-2013, 03:59 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(22-08-2013 05:42 AM)Relic of the Darkling Wrote:  I just don't get on with people very well.

What generally happens when you try to get on with people?
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22-08-2013, 04:27 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(22-08-2013 06:12 AM)Dom Wrote:  Ok, you need to explain what you mean by "I don't get on with people all too well".

What happens exactly? Does it happen with everyone or just specific people? Have you been with prostitutes? What kind of person are you attracted to, initially when you see them?
studdering (if i talk at all), head down, standing by the drink table or bar not talking to people. it happens with anyone I'm not comfortable with or don't know.
(22-08-2013 01:23 PM)cbb2274 Wrote:  Is there anything else at play that you haven't mentioned? Do you think you could benefit from an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication? What were your teen years like for you?
high school sucked i hated it

I'm signing up for e-harmony now, due to your suggestions, hopefully that helps
thank you all
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22-08-2013, 05:38 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(22-08-2013 04:27 PM)Relic of the Darkling Wrote:  studdering (if i talk at all), head down, standing by the drink table or bar not talking to people. it happens with anyone I'm not comfortable with or don't know.
That sounds pretty normal.

Except for stuttering. But many people stutter. Mature people don't worry too much about stuttering, maybe school kids make fun of it, but adults are generally respectful.

I assume you only stutter when nervous or anxious?

I don't think a bar is a great place for introverts to meet people. Better to join a club, maybe take up dancing, or badminton or Toastmasters would be good for meeting people and gaining social confidence.

Set a goal for yourself to initiate a conversation with at least one person a week, gradually increase to at least once a day. It's a confidence thing and takes practice. Don't be too hard on yourself, don't be afraid and don't beat yourself up if it goes astray, try, learn and try again.
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22-08-2013, 05:42 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(22-08-2013 03:46 PM)Caveman Wrote:  You're pretty new here, what part of the world are you from?

Canada around Toronto

(22-08-2013 05:38 PM)Stevil Wrote:  I assume you only stutter when nervous or anxious?

when I'm nervous, yes
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24-08-2013, 06:16 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(22-08-2013 04:27 PM)Relic of the Darkling Wrote:  I'm signing up for e-harmony now, due to your suggestions, hopefully that helps
thank you all

Try OKCupid instead.

"That's not the proof I want."
"You'll have such proof as exists. You are the only one responsible for your own wants."
- Isaac Asimov, I, Robot
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25-08-2013, 05:01 AM
RE: bearing my soul
(21-08-2013 08:46 PM)Relic of the Darkling Wrote:  I need to get this out. This is the place to do it.

I've never had a girlfriend, never, I'm 28 and never had a girlfriend.

I'm so lonely i can taste it. I'm sick with it. Most of the people I know who are my age are married or engaged, some even have children, many people i know who are younger than me are married or engaged. I'm still alone.

I'm introverted almost to the point of self destruction, I have no social skills. I have no idea how to change my situation. It hurts to see everyone around me loving some one, hand in hand with some one, and I'm left behind, alone. Sitting on the outside, wishing i had what they have. Reduced to the quiet guy in the corner or at the bar, too terrified of stupid things to do any thing, too terrified that the girl at the bar will say "no", despite the fact that rejection is part of life. Too afraid of scammers to go the online route. I don't what to do, I don't know how to do it.

Christ it feels good to get that the hell of my chest... i feel a little better now, thanks for listening.. or reading... or what ever
I've got a 3-step solution for you.
1) First, check if you have Asperger's syndrome. It is an inborn neurological impairment of social functions - too great specialization of brain on non-social things, so it screws up relationships a lot. Not being laid at 28 is common. Asperger's is common. You being on the internet as the only place to be social and talk openly is common. I am commonly explaining this stuff again and again.
http://www.aspergerstestsite.com/75/auti...hnkGzCQa-s
rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

2) If you don't have AS or any related autistic traits, then it's probably not hardware, it's software. In that case, first read a book by Neill Strauss - The Game.

3) If that doesn't help or you do have autistic traits, which would be no surprise at all as you describe them, read a book by Jonathan Griffiths - Asperger Meets Girl: Happy Endings for Asperger Boys. And all related literature.

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25-08-2013, 05:16 AM
RE: bearing my soul
(25-08-2013 05:01 AM)Luminon Wrote:  First, check if you have Asperger's syndrome.

All the best people have it.

But it's an exclusive club. We don't just let anyone in.

Thumbsup

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25-08-2013, 06:43 AM
RE: bearing my soul
(25-08-2013 05:01 AM)Luminon Wrote:  1) First, check if you have Asperger's syndrome. It is an inborn neurological impairment of social functions - too great specialization of brain on non-social things, so it screws up relationships a lot. Not being laid at 28 is common. Asperger's is common. You being on the internet as the only place to be social and talk openly is common. I am commonly explaining this stuff again and again.

i dont have asperger's nor will i ever self diagnose with asperger's. everyone who self diagnoses, does so to say "i have a medical condition, i dont have to improve my self." only a doctor can diagnose it, and my doctor hasn't.

I've been sticking to my newyears resolution to improve my self in some way (its amazing i know a still on a newyears resolution in august.) its slow going but its working. it doesnt mean i can suddenly get on with people better, but i'm working on it.

Assume nothing, Question everything
Assumptions build barriers, Questions break them down
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25-08-2013, 07:20 AM
RE: bearing my soul
"everyone who self diagnoses,does to say "i have a condition,no need to improve myself" "

wrong.


"my doctor hasnt"
have you spoken to the doctor about your social problems? I'm betting no.

KC IS A LIAR!!!! HE PROMISED ME VANILLA CAKES AND GAVE ME STRAWBERRY CAKE Weeping
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25-08-2013, 09:40 AM
RE: bearing my soul
(25-08-2013 07:20 AM)Lightvader Wrote:  "everyone who self diagnoses,does to say "i have a condition,no need to improve myself" "

wrong.


"my doctor hasnt"
have you spoken to the doctor about your social problems? I'm betting no.

Ok, poor choice of words on my part, But you have to admit alot of people who self diagnose do so for that reason even if they dont know it. also aspereger's has a lot of symptoms similar to being a teenager or being crap with people.

I went to a behavioral specialist as a kid i was diagnosed with ADD but nothing autism related, and one does not develop autism its something your born with.

Assume nothing, Question everything
Assumptions build barriers, Questions break them down
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