bearing my soul
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05-09-2013, 12:23 PM
RE: bearing my soul
Relic,
Not everyone is meant to be a social butterfly...some of us are pretty content with limited contact with people...my preference being alone....totally alone though I seldom get that chance.

I would suggest that you not set the goal of having a girlfriend. Start with small interactions with people and build up your confidence in speaking with people in general. the more confidant you are the more likely you will be to find a companion.

Start with a little small talk with a server at a restaurant or a cashier in a store. Something simple like 'how is your day?' Listen to those around you to see what small talk and the social give and take sounds like. Over time you won't be so nervous about those routine types of interchanges and the stuttering may become less of an issue. Kind of fake it till you make it.

Along the way you are bound to find people that want more interaction with you.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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05-09-2013, 04:09 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(05-09-2013 11:58 AM)Ameron1963 Wrote:  At least we know we're not alone, guys!

I know this is a stupid question: But does anyone know what this is? For many years, I've known that something is not normal with me. Some kind of neurosis or mental illness.

Personally, I'm good with one person. Maybe three. But even as small a number as five or six will have me shrinking into introversion. I don't know how to make "small talk". And that makes me feel inferior in a conversation. When others are talking about sports, or whatever, I'm completely lost. But it also happens when they are discussing something (say movies) that I am interested in. My mind analyses movies and nobody wants to hear that.

People are almost a foreign entity to me. They talk a lot, but seem to have very little to say.

I'm interested from people who have this "neurosis", if that's what it is. And from those of you who don't.

I can relate to most of what you said there. Apart from the analysis of movies, everything there could easily describe me. My uneducated and mostly uninformed opinion: this sounds much like what would be described as social anxiety disorder. Since I have never seen a mental health professional, I cannot say with certainty that is what causes my severe social stupidity. It seems somewhat accurate, though.
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05-09-2013, 04:16 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(22-08-2013 05:42 PM)Relic of the Darkling Wrote:  
(22-08-2013 03:46 PM)Caveman Wrote:  You're pretty new here, what part of the world are you from?

Canada around Toronto

Good man, now let's have a picture.

Follow up question: what do you do for hobbies?

Also, I feel your pain, but know that having no relationship is still worse than having no relationship. Believe you me!

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Eternal Pragmatist.
With the uncanny ability to see all sides in every argument.
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08-09-2013, 12:26 PM
RE: bearing my soul
"Also, I feel your pain, but know that having no relationship is still worse than having no relationship. Believe you me!"

Huh???
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08-09-2013, 12:36 PM
RE: bearing my soul
Pay me a visit and I'll set you up with some Scottish slag. Wink

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08-09-2013, 12:39 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(05-09-2013 04:09 PM)darv Wrote:  
(05-09-2013 11:58 AM)Ameron1963 Wrote:  At least we know we're not alone, guys!

I know this is a stupid question: But does anyone know what this is? For many years, I've known that something is not normal with me. Some kind of neurosis or mental illness.

Personally, I'm good with one person. Maybe three. But even as small a number as five or six will have me shrinking into introversion. I don't know how to make "small talk". And that makes me feel inferior in a conversation. When others are talking about sports, or whatever, I'm completely lost. But it also happens when they are discussing something (say movies) that I am interested in. My mind analyses movies and nobody wants to hear that.

People are almost a foreign entity to me. They talk a lot, but seem to have very little to say.

I'm interested from people who have this "neurosis", if that's what it is. And from those of you who don't.

I can relate to most of what you said there. Apart from the analysis of movies, everything there could easily describe me. My uneducated and mostly uninformed opinion: this sounds much like what would be described as social anxiety disorder. Since I have never seen a mental health professional, I cannot say with certainty that is what causes my severe social stupidity. It seems somewhat accurate, though.

"Social Anxiety Disorder" certainly describes it! It's an inability to function in social situations.

I think the reason I mentioned analyzing movies is because I am very judgmental about artistic things (which imitate life). I don't actually live life very well, but seem to feel that I have some insight into it that others don't have. Isn't that foolish and ridiculous? I create art, love it search for all it has to offer. But I am lost as an Easter Egg, when it comes to real life.
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08-09-2013, 12:52 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(05-09-2013 12:23 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Relic,
Not everyone is meant to be a social butterfly...some of us are pretty content with limited contact with people...my preference being alone....totally alone though I seldom get that chance.

I would suggest that you not set the goal of having a girlfriend. Start with small interactions with people and build up your confidence in speaking with people in general. the more confidant you are the more likely you will be to find a companion.

Start with a little small talk with a server at a restaurant or a cashier in a store. Something simple like 'how is your day?' Listen to those around you to see what small talk and the social give and take sounds like. Over time you won't be so nervous about those routine types of interchanges and the stuttering may become less of an issue. Kind of fake it till you make it.

Along the way you are bound to find people that want more interaction with you.

Are you alone? Do you have a spouse? Children? Wanting to be alone, because an abundance of family and friends take up much of your time is different from actually being alone.

I'll put forth an example: I own two houses. One of them is being vandalized and I am still paying for it. Therefore I have a lot of work to do. Stuff to move and sell. But much of it is heavy! And there's just me. I can't grab both ends of that "Chest of Drawers" and load it onto my trailer.

That's a logistical thing. You shove any need for emotional support aside and pretend you don't need that.

I thank you for your response, but I doubt that you really live alone....
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08-09-2013, 12:55 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(25-08-2013 06:43 AM)Relic of the Darkling Wrote:  i dont have asperger's nor will i ever self diagnose with asperger's. everyone who self diagnoses, does so to say "i have a medical condition, i dont have to improve my self." only a doctor can diagnose it, and my doctor hasn't.

I've been sticking to my newyears resolution to improve my self in some way (its amazing i know a still on a newyears resolution in august.) its slow going but its working. it doesnt mean i can suddenly get on with people better, but i'm working on it.

u should not insist to change, seeing urself as having to b better in order to accept ur state, is wrong
u cant ever get to positive from negative in all ways possible

if u really mean being positive then u should reduce urself to the positive u constantly r, so take it where it is and try to support it
u can mean better of positive not of less

so why dont u accept for a while not having a gf, live the positive sight u see out of that fact too, there must b a reason that urself is positive about without being with a girl, otherwise u couldnt handle without, and would have taken anyone
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08-09-2013, 03:08 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(08-09-2013 12:26 PM)Ameron1963 Wrote:  
Caveman Wrote:"Also, I feel your pain, but know that having no relationship is still worse than having no relationship. Believe you me!"
Huh???

I was in a 5 year relationship, broke it off because after 3 years of living together I barely saw her anymore, she stayed in bed until I left for work and stayed at her computer until I went to bed. She basically used me for housing and food.
She admitted to sequestering herself because "she didn't see anything there anymore".
Man, I met some hot girls in that last year. If she didn't keep leading me on, I might have been able to get with one of them.

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With the uncanny ability to see all sides in every argument.
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08-09-2013, 03:30 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(08-09-2013 12:52 PM)Ameron1963 Wrote:  
(05-09-2013 12:23 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Relic,
Not everyone is meant to be a social butterfly...some of us are pretty content with limited contact with people...my preference being alone....totally alone though I seldom get that chance.

I would suggest that you not set the goal of having a girlfriend. Start with small interactions with people and build up your confidence in speaking with people in general. the more confidant you are the more likely you will be to find a companion.

Start with a little small talk with a server at a restaurant or a cashier in a store. Something simple like 'how is your day?' Listen to those around you to see what small talk and the social give and take sounds like. Over time you won't be so nervous about those routine types of interchanges and the stuttering may become less of an issue. Kind of fake it till you make it.

Along the way you are bound to find people that want more interaction with you.

Are you alone? Do you have a spouse? Children? Wanting to be alone, because an abundance of family and friends take up much of your time is different from actually being alone.

I'll put forth an example: I own two houses. One of them is being vandalized and I am still paying for it. Therefore I have a lot of work to do. Stuff to move and sell. But much of it is heavy! And there's just me. I can't grab both ends of that "Chest of Drawers" and load it onto my trailer.

That's a logistical thing. You shove any need for emotional support aside and pretend you don't need that.

I thank you for your response, but I doubt that you really live alone....

I didn't respond to you.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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