bearing my soul
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08-09-2013, 06:32 PM
RE: bearing my soul
Dude, first and foremost, don't feel bad. No one teaches us these skills, we are just expected to have them. You can learn these skills later in life, but you have to be willing to do your homework and read a lot.

1. +1 on The Game By Neil Strauss, but more than this, read all the books you can on this topic and practice what they teach, especially the ones that advocate being cocky and funny. There ARE rules of attraction and this is a learned skill that you can implement. If you can afford a coach, do it. But don't believe the Nancy's when they tell you that you don't have to be cocky, funny and quick-witted to get a girl's attention, you do. You have to EXUDE self-confidence. With practice you can do it.

2. Practice so much you let go of the fear. Half of your problem is that if you want it, you won't get it. Meditation can help letting go of this attachment, but if you want it they can smell it. You have to find a way to come off as if you don't want it - The Game will help with this, creating a light hearted "game" out of it helps you not think about how badly you want it.

3. Work on you. Take a lot of pride in how you dress, your hair, how you walk, and how you present yourself to people - both men and women. Start to work on generating an attitude that anyone should want to be with you. FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT - work on this self-esteem and self belief until you trying to become that actually does become that. Some positive self-talk and learning to overcome rejections will have you on your way. It takes a lot of confidence to talk to women but you have to start practicing now. Read those books to figure out what to say and how to present yourself.

4. Work on your skills. Find an interesting hobby that might introduce you to some chickys and learn to do it well. Maybe Yoga classes, maybe flying a kite. Get out there and be someone who is having genuine fun. When the opportunity at the beach flying the kite arises, introduce yourself to the cute girl. Use skills learned above.

Good luck.

Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're an incredible slouch.

Martin Luther was the "father" of two movements - The Reformation and Nazism.
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09-09-2013, 05:23 PM
RE: bearing my soul
"I didn't respond to you."

No. I responded to you. My apologies, if I am breaking some laws here. But the questions are still the same. If you advise someone that being alone is O.K. Don't be surprised if someone challenges that notion. Being alone is very hurtful for many of us. You don't have to respond to me or even acknowledge that I exist. If you want to have private messages with Relic: Maybe you should P.M. the person.

I am responding to people in this forum, because I have personal experience with the issue. I know what it's like to be alone. Live it every day. So, don't think that your one line: "I didn't respond to you." is going to make me duck and run. I am here to help anyone I can, and to get help! Sorry if I broke a rule. But the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.
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09-09-2013, 05:30 PM
RE: bearing my soul
My suggestion was to start to get more comfortable in social interaction so that the stuttering would perhaps lessen. That would result in a higher comfort level in talking to people.

It was a suggestion. A thought that might help.

Being alone can be hurtful, being in a relationship and feeling alone isn't a bowl of cherries either.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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09-09-2013, 06:38 PM
RE: bearing my soul
(25-08-2013 05:01 AM)Luminon Wrote:  
(21-08-2013 08:46 PM)Relic of the Darkling Wrote:  I need to get this out. This is the place to do it.

I've never had a girlfriend, never, I'm 28 and never had a girlfriend.

I'm so lonely i can taste it. SNIP
I've got a 3-step solution for you.
SNIP Jonathan Griffiths - Asperger Meets Girl: Happy Endings for Asperger Boys. And all related literature.

(09-09-2013 05:23 PM)Ameron1963 Wrote:  "I didn't respond to you."

No. I responded to you. My apologies, if I am breaking some laws here. But the questions are still the same. If you advise someone that being alone is O.K. Don't be surprised if someone challenges that notion. SNIP

This is one of those sticky wickets. If you feel being alone is shitty, then when you go out you exude that you want someone in your life. Which goes against the rule of attraction. But if you get excited about being alone, as a choice, then you exude that whatever happens - you are going to have some serious fun. Your goal in going out must be maximum fun for you and your boys. (If you don't have some boys, you will need some. Find some dudes that are cool and can talk to girls.) And you can.

Buy a motorcycle, ride up to bars and have a drink, meet cool people to hang out with and be the life of the party. Really its a choice. You can chose to mope, or you can choose to be the master of your life. To do your hair, wear cool clothes from the thrift shop, and to sit at the coffee shop and talk to girls about Sartre and how he inspires you. You only need 5 bucks to have a coffee, or $20 to meet chicky's at the bar.

Or to do a magic trick, and shots in the alley from a flask you carry around. Be wild, be exciting, be someone anyone would find sexy - even men. Then you know you are rocking it. Its a choice, buck up or stay home, your call. Be spontaneous, unpredicatable. Know some cool places to take the girl that decides to go for a ride with you.

Learn a card trick or a joke that will make anyone laugh - just one. Use it on strangers 20 times and learn to deliver it like no one else. Then use it that one time to start a conversation with that girl. It will feel old, boring, and wrote, but it will work and you will sleep with a beautiful girl, and you will believe in yourself. If you do well, she will call your number. If you don't, try until you do. I've had short ugly friends get laid more than I did. But they were hilarious little shits, the life of the party. The first step is believing enough to go get the book that will change your life. Then, after you get your skills, you can land the girl of your dreams.

Sorry for the long post. Really trying to help, so please forgive any oversteeping on my part everyone, but the guys saying Neil Strauss are correct about what you need my man. I wish I could emphasize how much this is really in your control. I've tried my best, but you CAN do it. You really can. I swear. You can PM me if you need help man. I feel you.

Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're an incredible slouch.

Martin Luther was the "father" of two movements - The Reformation and Nazism.
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13-09-2013, 12:42 PM
RE: bearing my soul
"This is one of those sticky wickets" etc.

Thanks for your response, Skippy. And I know you're trying to help. But. . .

I feel that this is a pretty simplistic response to a complicated issue. From someone who, obviously, has no personal knowledge of the problem. It's like telling someone who has a brain tumor that they should buck up! Eat healthy meals and exorcise.

Can't speak for anyone else in this forum. But, for me, walking into a crowded room elicits a physical response. It's automatic. Blood pressure rises and there's a fear response. It's like if one were to walk into a bank robbery or something. You get that fight or flight thing. It's automatic. So, look at it as a "flight" response (the response to run). If your brain sees a bear in attack mode, you're likely to be in flight mode. You're not likely to even consider being charming to the bear.

In high school I was actually voted "Funniest person in class". I am attractive, intelligent and an artist. I really have it all. . . Except this one thing.

I'm not moaning and crying about it. I've dealt with it for so long I'm resigned to it. Kind of like how starving people lose interest in eating. But not eating will kill you. Just as not cuddling will make you cold and indifferent.
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13-09-2013, 07:50 PM
RE: bearing my soul
Point taken.

But please don't assume you know what I went through, either. Ultimately, I do believe its a choice. I might be self-deluded, but hey, its better than being deluded by religion right?

"If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right." - Henry Ford

Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're an incredible slouch.

Martin Luther was the "father" of two movements - The Reformation and Nazism.
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14-09-2013, 01:28 PM
RE: bearing my soul
Me and Skippy may not see things 100 percent eye to eye, but Skippy has some good points. We're not going to get anywhere hiding in the closet. Thanks Skip! VERY nice hearing from you!
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14-09-2013, 09:59 PM
RE: bearing my soul
When I first started playing golf in tournaments, my entire body would shake with fear, my mind would race horribly with every bad possible shot, I would nearly vomit in the bathroom before every tournament, and I would hyperventilate sometimes on the course. Two years later I got my first letter from a small college that wanted me to come play for them. What changed? Practice, tons of it. At least 1,000 hours a year. Probably way more than that.

I still got totally nervous before every round and wanted to throw up, but instead I learned to channel that negative nervous energy into intense focus.

Everyone feels varying amounts of this. I am not saying mine equals yours. But, what I am saying, is that there are mental techniques to help you project confidence into yourself when you don't "feel" it, and to everyone around you when you "feel" like you are going to ralph. The feelings don't ever really change, the only thing that changes is how you channel that energy.

This guy did the hardest possible thing to do as a golfer, WIN on the PGA tour, after having a PANIC ATTACK mid round. How? Mind tricks to calm himself back down and be confident by getting rid of negative self-talk:

http://www.kmov.com/video/featured-video...87071.html

The only reason I am so passionate about this is because I know there is a way to become what you want. But you have to remove the seriousness of it, and make it fun, you have to make it a GAME. Read the book boys, it changed my life.

Also, if you want to get rid of the mind chatter that creates the panic, start listening to this podcast:

Happiness Through Self-Awareness, by Gary Van Warmerdam. This guy is the fucking buddha for reals. Just sayin'.

Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're an incredible slouch.

Martin Luther was the "father" of two movements - The Reformation and Nazism.
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15-09-2013, 12:32 PM
RE: bearing my soul
I'll check out the podcasts. Art will probably be the direction for me. I've been drawing since I was maybe seven or eight. Doing some painting, now, when I have the time. I've shown, a couple of times, with other artists, in a very small, local gallery. I'm told that my work was well received. (I actually won some runner up type thing some years ago. In a juried show. Wasn't one of the main winners, but still!)
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15-09-2013, 10:51 PM
RE: bearing my soul
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.

I swear to you, you can do it.

When Churchill said "We have nothing to fear but fear itself" - I always took this to mean that the worst possible thing we could imagine has already happened. What is there left to fear, when the worst thing that could possibly happened, already has?

Isn't being alone and in pain the worst thing that could possibly happen? How could the ten or twenty or fifty rejections you know you will receive in this process of finding someone you enjoy being with be worse? Unless we give those rejections an audience! Be a skeptic about those who reject you - she's not very smart, she clearly doesn't know me, she .... fill in the blank. Don't just blindly accept a rejection "claim" about you without evidence.

The key is not to put any belief energy in those rejections. Don't give them merit - they are only as valid as we give them credit, and why should we? You know you are kind, you know you are considerate, you know - that she just doesn't know YOU.

Once you find this mindset you will bear through the rejections to the "yesses." When you are cognizant that no rejection merits your belief - just like no god idea merits your belief - you will beyond the paradigm of acceptance and rejection. You will then have the power over your romantic destiny.

You can do it.

Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're an incredible slouch.

Martin Luther was the "father" of two movements - The Reformation and Nazism.
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