can't be happy
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04-04-2015, 04:46 PM
can't be happy
I was thinking there are probably some people (partly myself) who just can't be happy, no matter the good things that come one's way. The mind interprets them negatively.Or there is an original bitterness lingering that spoils everything- recognized and acknowledged or not. Yet I can be happy, the note of a bagpipe, a true authentic connection, an honest days work. So many things can go wrong- but sometimes everything's going right. It doesn't always last but then nothing always lasts and the good comes back, and half the time it's an inner state that is arbitrary. Be happy for no reason. At least be in a good or decent mood that is not off-putting. Get your life in order, in every way, home-wise, job and finance wise- health-wise, etc.

And foreskin-wise. I maintain that men who are lacking a foreskin are missing an essential part or component of their bodies and psychologies and mind. the brain and skin are related and we're missing a critical piece of skin indeed- highly innervated and protective and pleasing and for bonding. Whoever invented this act of genital circle cutting is one of the world's true perverts, and those who practice it though it may be cultural norm are the true large perverts. what you do to the boy you do to the man he is to become. They are a profession of criminals. Anyway I feel better in my body and mind for some reason when I have my restoring device on. It feels more natural that way than be bare exposed. Yet I can't talk about this subject with anyone. How could you? Unless you wanted to be branded that circumcision guy and risk professional career.

Ode to the american mind- so good in so many ways and so dumb and proud in so many other ways. I'm not perfect. I'm ashamed of where I went wrong. I just want to be happy and whole, and build a life and attract. I criticise this barbaric act strongly. I also realize more and more, and I criticize while realizing it, that its better to make than make fun of, better to build something than critique. But this needs to be scorned for the sake of peace on earth. People need to learn to hate circumcision and learn to restore. It puts me in a better mood. I'd love to be able to spend the time I do restoring and setting up devices on something more significant but I wasn't give that option at birth. If you know how I can better spend my time let me know. I'm going for the CPA friends! Smile

I'm trying hard to put order in my life. Really, first of all starting with my own life, and it needs it. That said it would be nice if I was ever able to help put order in the life of my community or country or world. It has a lot of order, and in many ways more than I can do and it takes everyone, working together. But nobody is addressing these local human rights violations. I can't because I don't want to impair my career. Maybe it would be nice to feel empowered to put order in the outer world, but right now I want order and restoration in my world, inner and outer- in terms of home and health and body and mind and financial and career, and social. It's hard. I've made a lot of progress in the last two years when my life was in so much disorder. I started with career and studies and that is still my base- having always had decent health. I got rid of theology from my mind. There is no place for theology or doctrines asserted as being from a god or religion taken as fact without critical thought. This helps me get order but life is not always a cinch. The masters make it seem like a cinch to show off but they spent hours training.To get good at something like the mandolin or to master life or get on top and be stable and secure- its not so easy. Or why are there so many unhappy divorces, marriages, so many suicides so much obesity (self-hate and self-injury I consider much of it to be), so much depression, etc? Life is hard. Thanks this helps remind me that life is hard or can be. Nobody said it was destined to be easy.

Now even the people who like me, I can't always connect. Take my cousin, married, three kids. They like me and want to connect, but I am intense, even when I try to be soft spoken and try to be understanding. So now though I write 1000 words here I try to be silent- avoid family functions but try to build my career, dress for success, look and feel my best.

Some people can't be happy, no matter the good that comes. I believe this is because they are troubled by deeper things or lacking deeper things. They don't have a true sense of belonging perhaps. They didn't do an honest days work. They are lacking essential body parts that make them subconsciously feel off. If you can't be happy good luck building a social network.
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