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31-07-2012, 01:04 PM
RE: conversion
(31-07-2012 09:36 AM)Xinoftruden Wrote:  My home situation is almost perfect. The only major issue is my brother. However this makes me feel even worse for complaining. There are others who have gone through far worse than I have.
As for myself, I'm a bisexual, autistic (aspergers), atheist with suicidal tendencies to put it plainly. My family is completely supportive of me, but I have trouble with the Event(I have trouble talking about it).

I doubt I'll be able to believe again, all I need is a direction.

Also to go with my description apparently I'm a genius. I dont believe it,
but my teachers and family do. <-- I am very stubborn

Oooh! Join the club.
I'm thinking "me too"... the autism (family trait), genius (I was always disappointed I didn't get a higher IQ rating. Btw, the IQ concept is somewhat out-dated). But you win regarding your sexuality... I'm just a boring mono-sexual.

And the serious bit.... First, I wholeheartedly agree wih Matt (Ghost) with a small reservation/ addition...
not everyone lives with or needs a purpose/ direction. I have never had a single goal or objective. I am not outcome-driven. At least, not on a personal level; if I have committed to doing something for someone (at work, home, anyone) I will do it. But that is at the operational day-to-day level... I mean I have never had even a smidge of a plan at the strategic level.
I am ok with this.
Suicide? It's a daily thing. Not a sadness in any way at all. I just wake up, briefly weigh the pros and cons of continuing and usually decide to have another day (there have been a few occasions when I decided not to).
Again, I am ok with this; it is not a problem.

It is strange for others when they realise I am literally hope-less. Hope is the the only thing that makes me cry in movies... I haven't worked out why this is cos I am fine about not hoping.

Anyway, enough about me... just wanted to attempt a little empathy and point out that seeking happiness through hope, therapy, drugs, whatever, or spending a lifetime trying to find your direction is not necessarily a goal for everyone. So don't stress if you don't find anything immediately.

I was once shown a diagram (I think it was called Life Positions, or something)... four quadrants marked:
I am ok / you are ok
I am ok / you are not ok
I am not ok / you are ok
I am not ok / you are not ok
and was asked to point to my life position. I pointed to the centre point and said "I am / you are".

I reckon "I am" is reason enough to go on living.

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31-07-2012, 02:51 PM (This post was last modified: 31-07-2012 02:55 PM by Logica Humano.)
RE: conversion
Losing your faith in the entirety of humanity is ridiculous, even for that reason. You can lose your faith in the person or persons responsible for said incident, but to lose faith in any of the people for a situation that are not involved in is rather drastic.

I have lost two very close people in my life, and while I feel angry at the people responsible, I do not take it out on the innocence of the rest of the world.

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31-07-2012, 03:12 PM
RE: conversion
Xino - When I wake up in the morning, it would be grand to have a beautiful woman on each arm, and a mansion as my home, but instead I open my eyes to a comfy bed, my fixer upper house and no women. I like my life and seeing it for what it is gives me a sense of joy. If I walked through my "mansion" never making any repairs and talking to the beautiful women who never grow tired of my jokes, then this life of delusion is all I will ever have. It won't change.

You took a step to see the world as it is. You can now see all the wonders of change. You can participate in life and not simply wait around for the fantasy to begin.
When you are suicidal as I've been in the past, I like to put this question to myself. Seriously ask yourself if at this very minute, I would rather die or would I rather be eating the most delicious dessert made of ice cream, cookies, chocolate syrup, caramel, with a warm brownie fresh from the oven on the side.

That simple desire to have that dessert tells me everything I need to know. Life is tasty and I want to experience as much of it while I have the chance.
At 16 you have so much ahead of you. I'm 47 and at one point in my life, when the woman I loved most died, I took my own life and died for a brief period of time. (I got better)
That was nearly 20 years ago. I have a son and a grandson who mean the world to me. I have my own house, a nice garden and a good car.

There were times in my life when I would have long conversations with the god in my mind looking for answers that I couldn't find. No answers ever came, so I stopped talking to myself.
I stopped all those long conversations that only lead me in circles with so much uncertainty, doubt, blame, anger and confusion.

You are now free to think for yourself and see the world with open eyes for what it is.
This is your reward, now go live your life as you want, on your terms, discovering the world and all it's wonders.

Insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
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31-07-2012, 03:22 PM
RE: conversion
Hello, Xino. If I remember correctly, you were the one that was argueing for a super race that created humans, not an eternal being.

Nice to see you come to our side, may we help restore your faith in Humanity.

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01-08-2012, 10:51 AM
RE: conversion
hey guys thx for the support.
I did some reading and others things and have reached a conclusion.
Most of it is angsty teenaged stuff, but for the most part I managed to think things through(I have not slept since last post) it took a lot of work though. So I've found my footing on the way back to fun times.

Thanks again you guys


When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
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01-08-2012, 10:54 AM
RE: conversion
Hehe. Good stuff dude. I like your self awareness. When I was an angsty teenager I was convinced my problems were the worst anyone has ever had to endure... Tongue
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01-08-2012, 11:18 AM (This post was last modified: 01-08-2012 11:25 AM by fstratzero.)
RE: conversion
I'd say learn how to think, take a Critical thinking class, or get a book, or visit my thread

Then learn about the world. You might just be the one who discovers something that changes the world, and at the least you might improve our knowledge by proving something wrong.

Member of the Cult of Reason

The atheist is a man who destroys the imaginary things which afflict the human race, and so leads men back to nature, to experience and to reason.
-Baron d'Holbach-
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01-08-2012, 07:04 PM
RE: conversion
(31-07-2012 08:21 AM)Xinoftruden Wrote:  I joined this site about a month ago. At that point I was confident in my abilities as theist. However the community I found here was like nothing that I had expected.
After spending a few weeks surfing the forums I went dark. I spent a lot of time by myself in the dark thinking over what I believed and what I had learned on the forums. I spent weeks like this, deep in thought.

Eventually I had to make a choice, it was not hard. So now I am an atheist, but I'm lost. I have no real drive anymore. Converting was not a truly emotional moment, it was the result of long hours of careful thinking, debating over each of my beliefs.
Where can I find somethimg to believe in, my faith in humanity was shattered a few years ago, why, thats the reason I fully turned to God.

I do not know what to do, but any ideas you guys and girls have would be helpful.

Welcome to the A-Team Smile
You really want to know what to do now? I'll make it as simple as possible for you:
Go out and live your life!! You are now enlightened at a point in your life where you don't have to let the superstitions of ancient civilizations define who you are. Your life has no pre-destined path. No one calls the shots on your behalf. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN DESTINY! There's a huge world out there full of experiences for you to go out and enjoy... so go enjoy it! This is your only life. You only get one shot at it, so make it count. Fall in love. Make mistakes. Get your heart broken. Make friends. Help the poor and sick. Climb Mount Everest. Become a doctor. Help an old lady across the street. Write a song. LIVE YOUR LIFE! It's all a part of the human experience, and it's a beautiful thing.


"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." Carl Sagan
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