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02-08-2014, 09:47 PM
divorce
I am divorced just under a year, and as I have thought it over, I wonder if shame and doubt and other side effect [or 'primary' effects] of my former life of religion may have played a critical role in my marriage falling apart; does anyone else feel religion screwed up their marriage?
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02-08-2014, 10:34 PM
RE: divorce
Well it sure played a role in mine.

My husband claimed to be a christian, although he didn't live it at all, but he did expect the kids and I to be good little christian clones. He was also a control freak, and used the bible as his excuse to control every move we made.

Actually, my deconversion may have started back then, even though I didn't realize it. I became very angry that the bible was written in such a way, that "some men" could use it as an excuse to dominate.

It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. ~Mark Twain
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06-08-2014, 04:04 PM
RE: divorce
Men using their holy book to control and suppress women??? Shoooocking. Wink
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07-08-2014, 07:35 PM
RE: divorce
It absolutely played a HUGE part in mine. First of all, by teaching me from a young age that it's a woman's duty to give her husband sex. That was so drilled into me that I remember being 16 and praying that I would never say "no" to my husband.
My ex husband and I dated for 4.5 years and didn't have sex at all (because our religion taught us that sex was for marriage only). Once we got married, after a couple months he started refusing to have sex with me and eventually couldn't get it up. The last 8 months of our marriage were completely sexless.
My husband also controlled ALL the finances, even though we both worked (and I mean, I had to ask him if I could buy toothpaste). I think this sort of patriarchal bullshit was drilled into us from a very young age through the church's teachings. It eventually got to the point that I wasn't "allowed" to eat the food in our house because "his money" bought it.
Those are two of the main reasons I divorced him, and I think religion played a huge role in both of them.
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08-08-2014, 02:52 PM
RE: divorce
(02-08-2014 09:47 PM)brett1974 Wrote:  I am divorced just under a year, and as I have thought it over, I wonder if shame and doubt and other side effect [or 'primary' effects] of my former life of religion may have played a critical role in my marriage falling apart; does anyone else feel religion screwed up their marriage?

I recently got divorced. While it was a pretty smooth one, I can't help but reflect on the fact that we were both considered religious when we met. Mid way through my relationship and my marriage, I ended up deconverting and realized I was an atheist.

She was totally cool with it and we both kind of deconverted but I still think she holds onto some of the woo from that time in her life but that's her issue.

But I do think it played a somewhat significant part in how I viewed my morals, who I was at the time, the values placed in my marriage at the time. I also think during my deconversion, reflecting on how I needed to change as a person and how I viewed things changed a lot and ultimately did lead to me becoming a very different person. I think it's for the better that we both changed, and I do not blame religion solely for it. However, who I am as a person is influenced by that a decent bit.

Learn from your mistakes, analyze and understand who you are and enjoy yourself. Be happy, move on and don't apologize for being happy Wink

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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08-08-2014, 03:15 PM
RE: divorce
I always say, Life is too short and precious to be miserable.

another one is; You know why divorce costs so much? because it is worth it (says the guy who pays $32k a year in child support) Laughat

Drooling

[Image: 2e563q1.jpg]

“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.” - Christopher Hitchens
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08-08-2014, 03:16 PM
RE: divorce
(08-08-2014 03:15 PM)goodwithoutgod Wrote:  I always say, Life is too short and precious to be miserable.

another one is; You know why divorce costs so much? because it is worth it (says the guy who pays $32k a year in child support) Laughat

Drooling

[Image: 2e563q1.jpg]

Depending on how you do it, it doesn't have to be expensive. Mine hardly cost anything (hundreds of dollars). No time in court. We also had no kids though.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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08-08-2014, 03:22 PM
RE: divorce
(08-08-2014 03:16 PM)Logisch Wrote:  
(08-08-2014 03:15 PM)goodwithoutgod Wrote:  I always say, Life is too short and precious to be miserable.

another one is; You know why divorce costs so much? because it is worth it (says the guy who pays $32k a year in child support) Laughat

Drooling

[Image: 2e563q1.jpg]

Depending on how you do it, it doesn't have to be expensive. Mine hardly cost anything (hundreds of dollars). No time in court. We also had no kids though.

Ya I took the high road, Yes Sadcryface2 I put $10k down on a home for her, bought her all new furniture, paid for the move...why? Because my kids are worth it and I wanted to ensure she stayed close so I had constant access and time with my children.

Worth it in the end, she is happy and just got remarried, and I got remarried 4 years ago...kids are stable, happy, loved and doing AWESOME!, and we all get along. Thumbsup

“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.” - Christopher Hitchens
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