RE: does it really matter?
(09-03-2013 10:59 PM)bbeljefe Wrote:
(09-03-2013 10:14 PM)Starcrash Wrote: There's no doubt that parenting matters and has a psychological effect. I'm glad that you cited examples, but it's still not convincing enough because of those unexplained exceptions. I told the story about the father whose sons turned out completely different, and though it's only an anecdote I've seen real-life examples. I have a little brother who is a Christian. He's completely irrational and I can't even discuss matters with him because of how unfairly he argues. He thinks nothing of name-calling or mud-slinging, which is something I can't even imagine doing. When I make arguments that he can't debate against, he skips over them and changes topic like those questions never mattered. He and I are very dis-similar. And so are a lot of siblings, raised in the same environment and with the same parents. Because my little brother and I are only 1.5 years apart in age, there's almost literally nothing different in the way that we were raised.
Everything we experience affects our psychological health, not just parents. But I understand what you're saying, as there do seem to be a lot of unanswered questions. But I'm sure you'd agree that just because one two different people think they saw a ghost.... that doesn't prove the supernatural. Why? Because there is an explanation, even if we haven't figured it out yet. As exceptions go, I have another example to share with you. My father has a younger brother who is just about as different than him as you and your brother... if not a lot more so. My dad is a non violent man who doesn't yell and scream and who treats people with respect almost all the time. His brother is a brutal, sadistic son of a bitch who beat his kids and his first wife (maybe the later one's as well) often. He's the kind of man who will reduce a waitress to tears because his steak was delivered rare rather than medium rare. Not long after I read that in utero and early infant stress was a major determining factor in empathy, I set out to test that claim. Through separate conversations with both my mother and father, I found out as much as possible about the two men's early environments. As it turns out, Dad was born when his mother was first married and she was able to stay home and tend to him as an infant. Since it was early in her marriage, I can only assume that the honeymoon phase was still, at least to some degree, going on. However, by the time Dad was about a year old, she was pregnant again and his father had become violent with his mother. During her pregnancy with his brother, she set off looking for a job and making plans to leave this violent man. As you can imagine, a pregnant woman looking for work so she could leave her husband wasn't a common thing circa 1948 and to be sure it wasn't looked upon with high regard. So I think it's safe to say that my grandmother was under considerable stress while pregnant with my uncle. Once he was born, she was at a new job and had left her husband, so my uncle was left with a sitter five days a week which isn't a good thing for the infant mother bond. After my uncle was born, you'd think it would be safe to assume that their environments were identical. However, because one sibling demonstrated calmer behavior and higher intelligence, that's not the case. People treat kids differently just like they treat adults differently... so even though they lived in the same house, they weren't treated the same by their parents or anyone else who frequented their company. The results are two remarkably different men from the same mother and father, who were raised in the same house(s).
I have my daughter at my house this weekend, and I'm constantly reminded of what an influence I am on her life. But she still surprises me, and despite being 6 I think her personality still isn't very "set". But I don't suppose there's any way to know for certain until many years from now.
I've also read of another such instance where one sibling was sent to a very caring and empathetic nanny for the first four or five months of his life while the brother had been raised full time by their dysfunctional mother. The results are quite similar.
As for more convincing, I would recommend you read as much as you can about childhood development. After all, there isn't anything else you'll do in your life that's as important as creating another human being. Your daughter didn't choose you so it's your responsibility to make sure that what you do to foster her development is beneficial to her.
Also, ages five to eight are called the formative years because that's exactly what's happening in their little heads. Her personality is pretty much formed at age six.
Biggest load of shit I have ever read. Seriously....How fast can a man generate so much SHIT?