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02-11-2013, 11:06 AM
I don't know what makes me happy sometimes.

Beating the system. Winning in spite of it. Not being manipulated emotionally, not chasing things in vain.

I'm a man, my will is the will to power, at least to a certain extent where I get my needs met. I am running a deficit and I just can't and don't trust my american sisters. They are too greedy and have been too programmed and scarred and terrorized by indoctrination, therefore they become manipulative, and they are self-righteous. However my brothers are not either so good, they are pornography viewers and jerk offs, idle lazy boys. I feel for both these groups, I want to love them unconditionally, they just make it hard sometimes. If they could only own up to their issues, but I always ask if I'm being contradictory. I don't want to have any contradictions that justify strange behaviors. A big fear is that I'm guilty of what I accuse others of.. but I still must accuse and get it out of my system. Then I can burn with shame for my own "sins". And I chase after what I need, which is obvious and logical, but it is hard to chase long term things which are of greater value, a CPA versus tail. If I become successful, would it have meaning if I don't have a loyal companion or several, who do not just love me as a success object and want to use me?

I can feel the gaming. Women game but in a different way. They ignore you if you are not what they want, successful, confident, etc. You are invisible. Men are the same way.. if a woman is not physically so attractive she is invisible, although she still has a good network of girlfriends I suppose, and can attract sympathy and pity. The beautiful and attractive women game the prize men in a different way. They put on this makeup, making cosmetic companies wealthy and fooling men into thinking they are turned on. Young women have a low sex drive actually, or the nature of a woman's sex drive is that it's turned on when they feel safe and desired, otherwise they think about sex maybe once a week and men about once a minute. Formula for stress in a democracy. But combined with this, women use their bodies to gain power- why else do they wear makeup to make themselves look aroused, and reveal parts of their body to allure? Such is how women game. Their goal, their primary fantasy, is a man to provide security so she can devote as much time as SHE wants to the following- career, raising children, hobbies, "self fulfillment". Their secondary fantasy is to be romanced, to have passion

Fishing is a good metaphor for men and women. You entice a fish with colors and shines, or hook em with bait, and keep em on the line and gradually reel them in. It's a good analogy because usually the more patient person wins. My happiness is not being hooked, and I don't really want to hook others either. I hate this system of things. My happiness is being free, and that includes free in the eye! Enticements happen on a primal biological level, and that is my pity. I'm doing well, I have a full time job and am a full time student on a karmic track. I journalize all my expenditures and cash receipts. I have a t account for cash and a balance sheet. I have hundreds in my wallet, of EARNED money. Work really makes one free. But my social life sucks. I keep getting bites on my line but then I find I cave, get needy or excited, combined with them gaming. I need to be strong and hard. Being strong and hard and not caving but remaining strong and hard- hard for life, that is my happiness.

Eros is my new 'god', not one I 'believe in' as actually existing in substance but as an energy and a value system if you want to be technical and spoil it all. Here's the rub for all you porno lovers and sex slaves, sex addicts. Eros is only partly to do with sex- although that's a critical part, or the end goal- actually whose end goal is a laughing child (yes laughing- a crying child is a sign of something wrong, not necessarily bad parenting, because who can keep a child calm on an airplane in the middle of the night)- but sex is essential for eros and it's a thing whose deficit may cause a deep void. Sex is like the culmination of good erotic karma. Eros is work, and hard work, which builds up power, and eros is labor and industry and incentive, and eros is economics, which bears fruit. Economics is based on work and good judgement and that's based on incentive and drive, and that's based on sexual desire, which is eros, but one has to feel incentivized, that one is not working in vain

'Christianity gave Eros poison to drink; he did not die of it, certainly, but degenerated to Vice.' Nietzsche

Eros is the highest god, or Zeus, which is the all father energy. ENERGY! But our power and system destroys this naturalness in favor of egalitarianism. Christianity is communist, which wants to deny DNA and the nature of the world. Our communist Christian cultural worldviews have polluted our brains. We definitely need to be brain-washed in good healthy happy hormones. I have experienced this state, you know, especially after a lot of good hard work and building karma, and when I was very tired, I have experienced this brain state, where bugs die and viruses of the 'mind' which is to say thoughts that are not your own which are no longer flowing out, they die, where worms and bugs and viruses and programs die and I feel awake even in my exhaustion, and this is happiness. Zeus let us not forget was a rapist or a hunter. We need more of this spirit in our men and more femininity in our women. Things are too over-policed. Zeus was virile and we need more virility, especially here in the yeunited States. Women will never complain because it's in their sexual nature to be recipients. They take what comes and if it doens't- it was not meant to be. When we men are handicapped, women don't suffer, not like we do, although they do suffer. The thing is, few people can trace it- men or women, what's wrong. They can only see the symptoms of the problem, but if they could diagnose it correctly, would they take drugs or medication? But you must also discover solutions (personal solutions especially in this hostile culture) and the means to their successful application. It's not easy but I am taught by life repeatedly that nothing worthwhile is easy, and I should hate what is too easy, especially in the city. Probably it is self-deception if something seems too easy to be possible, and easiness is not even erotic!

Paul was celibate, Jesus was too. These two celibate jews are going to inform western civilization and turn something beautiful into a vice? Ironically it was my jewish ex girlfriend (european) who was very sexual and very nurturing and feminine who attacked my christianity and prudishness and was everything I needed in destroying this worldview, although it took some time. She was instrumental in showing me a truth, though I didn't accept it while we were still together fully. Inhibition is the problem- masculine inhibition, and all that causes it. Of course we're assuming non-ambivalence, incentivizatoin, something worth going for. But in reality "chasing" is the obstacle, chasing is a wrong path, at least in the current system of things. Just make sure what you're chasing is being honest and not validation seeking or usurious. A man will do much better for himself when he chases wealth and career and his passions, and economic genius and independence- while not trading that for poor health, not putting himself out on a ledge, and while he keeps the door open for intimacy and passion.

It is hard to be erotic in a non erotic culture. I'm kind of alien in my own birthland. I'm really a german in diaspora, because germany was nice on my soul, and even that Germany is not the germany it could be. Tension is essential, we can't destroy tension. We must watch out for erotic black holes, which are pity and sympathy, niceness, distraction, criticism, irrelevance, complaining.

Circumcision is so unerotic both during and after. Christianity is so unerotic. Jesus does not live in my heart. I do not work to glorify him. god is a virus. I am more worried about the earthly gods and devils who run things, whatever their race, religion, gender or sexual orientation, those who come up with equal opportunity employment laws, and those who run the economic system, who create and run the markets, who teach and create the curriculums and build the architectures and make the influencing art and instill and install and alter the values we enshrine as a nation.

A folk makes me happy but I was reading the Constitution of the USA. I am not a constitutionalists. They don't allow for terms and titles of nobility! Therefore, money, dirty money will make one noble. Money is a god, not the ultimate or you will be unhappy. Eros is god. But money is a power, and as such, I should know something of how money works, since I put so much time into studying the hebrew scriptures. Most power is accrued, it doesn't come suddenly unless you are born into it. Karma is a path and you must enjoy the journey or you are lost. Power and wealth are accrued slowly, patiently, but first you must be on the path.

Working women read romance novels. Women love options and have them, especially beautiful women. I want to be a man with options, this is my freedom. Hard work generates this, and any enemy to work or focus, including women whispering in my class is an enemy to my victory and a disincentivication, and they only harm themselves.

I get stuck, I get blocked. My energy is seeking the way out of the labyrinth, and a labyrinth of the brain it really is, designed by 100 deadaluses. When women are independent financially, there goes eros. There goes the number of attractive men. There goes childbirth and the death/suicide of the european peoples. Insecurity breeds need and need breeds attraction and love. Love is based on need.

I was always the strongest and did my best when I was enjoying life- NOT when I was most compassionate! I am ashamed of my compassion. I am ashamed of seeing things from other people's points of view, going out of my way to do so, to be "good"!

"" Verily, I have done this and that for the afflicted: but something better did I always seem to do when I had learned to enjoy myself better.
Since humanity came into being, man hath enjoyed himself too little: that alone, my brethren, is our original sin!
And when we learn better to enjoy ourselves, then do we unlearn best to give pain unto others, and to contrive pain.
Therefore do I wash the hand that hath helped the sufferer; therefore do I wipe also my soul. "" - Zarathustra, of the Compassionate

Especially women and minorities. Call it hate if you like. I call it sensibility and self-love, enjoyment of life. Now I only, having discerned the truth, haev to destroy the strong powers, or become one myself, gradually, or wash my brain of the bugs and glitches. They say brainwashing is a bad thing, all the while they go on to install bugs in our heads. They call nazis bad all the while the communists continue to kill the white russians. they call god good while he sends people to hell. we are the sheep and our own wool is pulled over our eyes, folks.

My ideal women are any nurturing women who takes care of kids and her man, and who dresses modestly but feminine- or I also love the women like Ann Coulter and Saga, those who earn.

I realized that eros is what I want, not sex, and eros doesn't happen when the women doesn't put forth equal effort. If only one party is putting forth effort, it is a chasing situation and eros dies, and how easy a withdrawl can happen in women, out of a panic attack or bad vibe, and how much nervousness can happen in men, out of fear or anxiety or feeling a lot is at stake. Eros rarely happens when planned. Definitely a man should not try to monitor and manipulate. This is hard because he should try to be in control- but he should try to be in control of himself, and of his environment as an extension of himself, and others as extensions of himself but he's focusing on his self first and foremost. Chasing is losing. When you've decided to chase you've already lost and you not only won't get release, you'll get frustration and self-hate. When you overvalue your self or your worth or your 'stock price' you will fail and be humiliated. Women and men must co-pursue, or else men pursue success and victory in the world and women pursue that man, but man must never have a change of heart or pity or compassion, because as esther vilar says, in that moment they cease to be lovers, and one becomes parent and the other protegee. Women must work for love, like men, and men must work- probably 3/4 for work,in the world and on the house, in controlling the environment and providing an income and security, and 1/4 on being a lover but both must work because work is karma and building and creating the right kind of tension, which will make the woman desire release, because women have little to need to be released from, they do not experience tension the way we do. I sometimes think they are more like children in that regard. The critics have destroyed Schopenhauer as they have so many other things, but were they right or were they merely envious or calculating? Critics are losers, but I put down my sword. I don't look on or argue, because to look on is to take a position. I don't talk about repugnants and demogogues, I focus on what I know and what I can do for myself and those worthy of my love, and try to use my tension and draw, that which draws me or pulls me. I don't want to have a drive anymore, for that's a recipe for frustration. I want to have a pull, something that draws me. Life knows I will do the work if I can see a way. It is test season for me here, tests in school, tests to get jobs, tests on the jobs. tests so I can be invested in, and women and life tests me generally. I'm a man whose heavily tested and examined, both literally at my desk with my lead pencil and figuratively and I want to pass.

The boy in me must die. Many thoughts must terminate, but they have a tenacious ability to stay alive.

Nietzsche understands. read Zarathustra. In so many ways. he's so right on. Creation happens in stillness, not in hubbub arousal agitation. We need these powerful moments of stillness and silence. The worst form of violence in modern times is polluting the silence. There can be no forgiveness for this. But I need not take my failures personally. Karma/cause is not all self-created. There is karma other people bring me. Be a passerby. My brain is really a labyrinth and I'm seeking the way to release and victory, but i have cash in my wallet from work that I earned, I'm on track in my studies even if I'm not doing as well as I want. If I focus, perhaps I can do even better. Women are grief to me, nothign else. "Zarathustra laughed to his heart, and said mockingly: "Happiness runneth after me. That is because I do not run after women. Happiness, however, is a woman."

Women are not erotic. Diverse societies are not erotic where the host is made to feel guilty and shamed and disunited. I am finding life around me unequal to my eros. All I ask of life is that it lets me be a riser -earning my way up, without coming to lasting grief. That I cherish my eros including towards those things which are abyssmal and that bugs and parasites don't latch onto me as I rise, that I can enjoy the day> Why would I not enjoy life? Why would I let myself be foolish eternally? That can't be a manly prudence unless it bears greater fruit in the end
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02-11-2013, 11:20 AM
RE: eros
How old are you?

Just curious.

God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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02-11-2013, 11:26 AM
RE: eros
well after 5 drafts of a reply, i give up. the OP was like a toilet brush jammed ear to ear.

Good that you are expressing your thoughts viking, i hope you can find a center.

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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02-11-2013, 11:30 AM
RE: eros
This is way too long. Maybe I will come back and read the rest later. Why do you think women wear make up to make themselves look aroused? And why do you think women dont think about sex?
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02-11-2013, 11:32 AM
RE: eros
Also do you literally have American brothers and sisters or are you just referring to Americans in general?

Swing with me a while, we can listen to the birds call, we can keep each other warm.
Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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02-11-2013, 11:33 AM
RE: eros

Interesting stream of consciousness.

I concur with the abridged version:

(02-11-2013 11:06 AM)viking Wrote:  I don't know what makes ... the end

Nor do I.

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