expecting a child, mothers family is very religious.
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02-08-2013, 12:52 AM
RE: expecting a child, mothers family is very religious.
(01-08-2013 06:16 AM)eksyte Wrote:  I don't think you should be silent about your beliefs. Why are your beliefs any less acceptable than hers? Are you and your ideas less important or valid? Fuck that.

You're obviously gonna have an up-hill battle with your gf, but the sooner you tell her, the sooner she can come to terms with it and the sooner you can get beyond the drama. Obviously you care about your kid, and that's something you need to explain first. You need to make it clear that you're not some moralless heathen and that the reason you're telling her your beliefs is that it's something she needs to know since she's so passionate about her beliefs.

How far are you from your family? Do they know what you believe? If so, are they supportive? Perhaps you could pay your family a visit and have them there to keep her from flipping out too much.

Do you know of anyone in her family that isn't a religious nut that you might be able to sit down with both of you to keep he calm? I know you say they're religious, but most families have that one person who's not a fanatic.

Not sure what else to say, but I don't think hiding it is a good idea. Your rights as a parent are just as valid and important as hers.

This is exactly the wrong way to go about it, christians tend to immediately get defensive when you come at them in a confrontational matter. Acting self righteous and offensive will just make her fall back on her brainwashing. Take it slow and SHOW her that even though your faith isn't where hers is, that you are still a good person. TELLING someone will end up bad unless you SHOW them you haven't really changed.

Actions first, words later...

Shock And Awe Tactics-- The "application of massive or overwhelming force" to "disarm, incapacitate, or render the enemy impotent with as few casualties to ourselves and to noncombatants as possible"
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02-08-2013, 06:42 AM
RE: expecting a child, mothers family is very religious.
(02-08-2013 12:52 AM)Likos02 Wrote:  This is exactly the wrong way to go about it, christians tend to immediately get defensive when you come at them in a confrontational matter. Acting self righteous and offensive will just make her fall back on her brainwashing. Take it slow and SHOW her that even though your faith isn't where hers is, that you are still a good person. TELLING someone will end up bad unless you SHOW them you haven't really changed.

Actions first, words later...

Being up-front and being confrontational are not the same thing. I'm not saying he should attack her beliefs. I'm saying that he needs to be honest and confident instead of hiding his beliefs as other are suggesting. (My "fuck that" attitude isn't meant to be a suggestion of how he handles telling her, either. Tongue)

She should already know he's a good person. She's having his kid and they've been together long enough for him to meet her family. Sure, she'll probably get upset and question his integrity, but he shouldn't have to censor himself or sacrifice his own beliefs just to make her life easier.

Another thing is she shouldn't hold having a relationship with their child against him because he's not a Christian. That makes her a bully and a bad person.

Dom does make a good point, tho. Being pregnant messes with women and it will take a few months for her hormones revert to normal, so waiting a few months or a year after she has the baby would be a good idea. Even then, waiting too long is not good.

“One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid,
and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision.”

- Bertrand Russel
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02-08-2013, 09:22 PM
RE: expecting a child, mothers family is very religious.
"Being up-front and being confrontational are not the same thing. I'm not saying he should attack her beliefs. I'm saying that he needs to be honest and confident instead of hiding his beliefs as other are suggesting. (My "fuck that" attitude isn't meant to be a suggestion of how he handles telling her, either. )"

I understand what your saying, but I'm tellinig you christians see up front and honest as confrontational. From my experience, even mentioning the A-word gets you a swift kick out of the family, and lasting ridicule from family members. Take it slow and easy and make them ask the questions, force them to make the decisions. It is easier that way for both parties.

Shock And Awe Tactics-- The "application of massive or overwhelming force" to "disarm, incapacitate, or render the enemy impotent with as few casualties to ourselves and to noncombatants as possible"
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