first mothers day without mom
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07-05-2017, 11:05 AM
first mothers day without mom
This is the first mothers day without my mother. She died unexpectadly last October. It's hitting me hard, seeing all the commercials, restaurants having specials, etc. I'm sad about the whole thing. I never really grieved when she died, so it feels like I'm grieving for the first time. A person I know is getting info regarding a grief support group. Like I said, I'm just sad and really cant wait for the day to come and go. And on top of that, Friday is her birthday. I didn't think it was going to hit me like it has, because I've been doing good with the whole thing. I just want to grieve as I need to and realize that this day won't be easy.
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07-05-2017, 11:09 AM
RE: first mothers day without mom
Lost my dad last June its horrible I'm so sorry for your loss Sad
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07-05-2017, 11:10 AM
RE: first mothers day without mom
Hug

Ceterum censeo, religionem delendam esse
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07-05-2017, 11:12 AM
RE: first mothers day without mom
Very sorry for your loss, Kevin. I have no wise words to offer, just a suggestion to let your grief take you where it may. You'll get through this.
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07-05-2017, 11:14 AM
RE: first mothers day without mom
I am sorry for your loss and the unexpected wave of grief you are experiencing.

I have found that all the 'firsts' after losing someone are hard. You are getting hit doubly with both Mother's Day and her birthday. It makes sense that you are sad right now.

Grief doesn't happen all at once. I think that sometimes the different stages come when we can handle them. At least that's what I have experienced in my life.

Be gentle with yourself.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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07-05-2017, 11:37 AM
RE: first mothers day without mom
My condolences for your loss. Loss of a parent is a big complicated thing and takes time to process, so that's normal...not much help, though, when you're going through that in person.

Hug
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07-05-2017, 12:04 PM
RE: first mothers day without mom
(07-05-2017 11:05 AM)kevin308 Wrote:  This is the first mothers day without my mother. She died unexpectadly last October. It's hitting me hard, seeing all the commercials, restaurants having specials, etc. I'm sad about the whole thing. I never really grieved when she died, so it feels like I'm grieving for the first time. A person I know is getting info regarding a grief support group. Like I said, I'm just sad and really cant wait for the day to come and go. And on top of that, Friday is her birthday. I didn't think it was going to hit me like it has, because I've been doing good with the whole thing. I just want to grieve as I need to and realize that this day won't be easy.

My mom died March 1rst this year. It sucks. I completely understand what you are going through. Mother's day hasn't hit me as much because she never made a big deal out of it. What occasionally gets to me is we were so used to seeing each other almost every day, if not calling each other 3 times a day, I miss not being able to do that.

Before her operation last year, I spent 4 to 5 days a week seeing her in person, and days I didn't visit we would call each other multiple times a day. Even for fun reasons. She always wanted to know I was ok, and I always wanted to know she was ok. After she went to rehab we thought she would do a short stint and get back to her retirement apartment. Unfortunately the operation took too much mobility out of her and rehab said she had to move to the long term wing of the nursing home.

One thing she would do when she was still living in the assisted living retirement home, would be to play a computer game Majong(sp) where you matched the Chinese tiles. It had a sound effect when you matched up the last two tiles when you won it sounded like cute female chip monks out of a cartoon, "you win Win WIN WIN WIN". One day in her apartment while watching TV, she was playing that on her computer in her bedroom, I laughed and told her that was funny and cute. Ever since she would occasionally call me when at home and hit that last pair of tiles just so that would be the first thing I would hear. I miss that so much.

I miss our running joke passing the golf courses when she would ride in the back of the van, where she would call out a number, and I would have to add or subtract to get to "4" which is what a golfer shouts to let those ahead of them know they are about to hit the ball.

I miss taking her to the dollar store where she would lead me down the toy isle pick a random toy up and ask me if I wanted it. She was a Catholic, but even when shopping, knowing I was an atheist, would point to a religious themed product and sarcastically offer to buy it for me. My mom had a really good sense of humor.

Nobody can tell you how to mourn, when to mourn, but you can cope by trying to focus on the good times you had. One anonymous quote many may know about is one she printed out for me a long time ago "Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened". Yes it is ok to cry, but the coping can and should involve the good times.

Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37
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07-05-2017, 12:13 PM
RE: first mothers day without mom
Can you post some of the good times you had too? I know that talking about those things are helping me.

Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37
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07-05-2017, 12:32 PM
RE: first mothers day without mom
My wife and I are driving along and I read your post to her. We are sorry for your pain.
She then tells me, today would be her mom's birthday. We share these things, it helps.
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07-05-2017, 07:38 PM
RE: first mothers day without mom
*hugs* The best advice I can offer is to lean on your friends and family. It helped me immensely when I was going through similar things after my dad passed away.
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