good shrink / bad shrink ?
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04-02-2012, 01:44 PM
RE: good shrink / bad shrink ?
(04-02-2012 09:48 AM)Peterkin Wrote:  Also, if there is to be long-term psychotherapy, the temperamental match is critical. You can't just go to any old shrink: they're people, and this is an intimate relationship: compatibility is key to success.

I think this Peterkin makes a key point. Therapists are people. I get along well with certain personalities, but not as well with others. Years ago, I had a therapist who told me what he thought I should do. I didn't deal very well with this personality style because I don't like to be told what to do and I think I only lasted about 4 or 5 sessions. Decades later, I'm seeing a wonderful therapist who rarely says anything except to reflect back what I'm saying. I can then clarify my thoughts and accept the insights that are meaningful or reject the stuff that doesn't make any sense. I currently go 3 times a week and look forward to the opportunity to meet with my therapist and explore the thoughts and feelings I'm having in a safe, non-judgmental environment.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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04-02-2012, 02:22 PM
RE: good shrink / bad shrink ?
(04-02-2012 03:29 AM)Leela Wrote:  I thought the decree in a certain area means that you know your job...

Nope. Shot in the dark, quite frankly. Knowing a job's requirements, and putting into practice the skills to accomplish that job, can be very different things. No matter what the profession.

Maybe the therapists you encountered, just didn't have the experience with or skill to help a person with your level of self knowledge. You had already taken your research as far as you could go, and you just needed some help to go further. I guess I would make sure to let the therapist know that right up front.

Then too, it has a lot to do with the relationship between the therapist and the patient. If a patient doesn't feel comfortable telling the therapist that they want to be looked in the eye and listened to while speaking, then that might be the extent of the relationship, and time to move on. If this is discussed first thing, and the therapist still doesn't pay attention, then same thing -move on.

You should be commended having taken the first step to see someone with your issues - it's a very healthy attitude! Smile

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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04-02-2012, 04:12 PM
RE: good shrink / bad shrink ?
@ Smooshmonster: Did you get over your problems by now? I am sorry you didn't find a good therapist. Was that the only one you tried?

@Peterkin: That sounds like one of the good ones! Shows that he wants to help when the help is needed. I like doctors like that.
And about the being compatible. That second therapist. I found her annoying from the beginning. It was not only her therapy style, it was her whole being. She seemed very much know-it-all and I don't like that.

@Erxomai: wow, three times a week. Sorry but I have to ask now. Isn't that super expensive? Or do you have healthcare that covers?

@kim: I guess that I measured on myself again. I learned a profession and I am good at it, that does not come from the fact that I studied it.
About letting the therapist know... therapists have to have a good and sensitive eye for any sign that someone sends out. For example, back then I was simply not able to tell someone a "no" or a "stop" or anything of that kind. But I told her that I don't feel well telling her everything, which was ignored. After that I gave enough signals that even a 5 year old would have picked up properly (not joking).


I only have to think about people who are not able to reflect on themselves or do not know how to look things up. If they seek for help and they try a few times, but none of the shrinks was able to help. They sink deeper into their issues or at least can't help themselves.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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04-02-2012, 04:32 PM
RE: good shrink / bad shrink ?
(04-02-2012 04:12 PM)Leela Wrote:  @Erxomai: wow, three times a week. Sorry but I have to ask now. Isn't that super expensive? Or do you have healthcare that covers?

Yes, indeed it's super expensive. My healthcare initially covers the first 5 sessions per year. Then after I spend $1,500 US, the insurance will start covering 80% of the fees. I started therapy in August (not 3 times a week until this past November), then with my usual bad luck, I reached my $1,500 contribution in the middle of December...just in time to start the financial process all over again January 1!
I actually just moved into a less expensive place, PARTLY because I needed to free up some of my finances to pay for therapy. I would like to eventually only go once a week, but right now I need the extra sessions more than I need to eat. Smile

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
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05-02-2012, 04:58 PM (This post was last modified: 05-02-2012 05:00 PM by Smooshmonster.)
RE: good shrink / bad shrink ?
(04-02-2012 11:34 AM)Jeff Wrote:  
(04-02-2012 09:16 AM)Smooshmonster Wrote:  Quite possibly a lot of it was. But the shrink seemed to be obsessed with making connections to things that happened in my life which, whether the connections were valid or not, were not solving the problem at all. It just made things worse.

I don't know if your shrink was any good or not, but therapy does try to help you see the connections between things, so you can be more conscious about them. Therapy also tries to mirror the real world. It would have been good to discuss the anger you were feeling with the therapist, to gain insights into the source of your anger outside the therapist office. That's how you examine your baggage.

(04-02-2012 09:16 AM)Smooshmonster Wrote:  were not solving the problem at all

If you'd like to discuss it, what was the problem to be solved? How did the discussion make things worse?

Not to hijack Leela's thread with personal stories, I'll be brief. I had anger issues and I expressed my anger in stupid ways. While I wanted to fix this so I could be a normal/better person, the shrink seemed more interested in making obvious connections. It all seemed a little textbook psychology to me, like something I could find on wikipedia if I googled a bunch of personality disorders. This made me angrier. I was more interested in a solution.
Sorry for being vague, it's not something I want to go into detail about. Even though this is an anonymous forum, I find myself caring what people here think of me Tongue

(04-02-2012 04:12 PM)Leela Wrote:  @ Smooshmonster: Did you get over your problems by now? I am sorry you didn't find a good therapist. Was that the only one you tried?

Yeah I kind of got turned off the entire thing after that. But that's just my personality I think. A lot of people can benefit from it if they're willing to stick with it. My sister still maintains that therapy changed her life, so there's that. I wish you all the best if you decide to try again! (I know money is an issue, I only got to go for free because my University provided free counselling for all students)

"But the point is, find somebody to love. Everything else is overrated." - HouseofCantor
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