growing up again, what about you?
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18-06-2014, 07:40 PM
growing up again, what about you?
(11-06-2014 09:28 PM)U2spooky Wrote:  I'm 38, married with 4 kids. I'm going through something very similar. I'm not sure how to act around my Christian friends.[hide] I'm still somewhat offended by my atheist friends. I'm watching more horror movies and listening to 70's and 80's punk music. I do feel more moody because I'm still in the atheist closet. It's more like I've gone this amazing trip to a foreign land but can't talk to any of my friends or family because they've never been and have no interest in going themselves.

I find myself acting out here and there but I have to be extra careful because of the wife and kids. Still haven't got it together on how to explain it. [/hide]

Somewhere in Joseph Campbell's work there has to be a way to reconcile this consciously. I know religion is mythology but what would be wrong with playing along and studying and applying it as metaphor?

Anyway sorry to get off topic.
Looking at the universe with new eyes.

You could write a fascinating book that way.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethnography

“It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.”
― Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes
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18-06-2014, 07:43 PM
RE: growing up again, what about you?
(25-05-2014 11:50 AM)elconquistador Wrote:  my wardrobe style is changing

Can I have your skinny black ties ?

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein (That's a JOKE, ya idiot)
"And you quit footing the bill for these nations that are oil rich - we're paying for some of their *squirmishes* that have been going on for centuries" - Sarah Palin
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25-06-2014, 11:44 PM
RE: growing up again, what about you?
I can totally relate. I feel like I'm back in the philosophical angst stage of adolescence, only now I'm not stoned. my brother is the only person I can talk to about my existential crisis. Hell, I picked nurse as my screenname because of my present "who am I?" phase - it's something that hasn't changed and I can still recognize about myself.

I dyed my hair last month, something I had never done before. Looks terrible, so its getting dyed again this week.

I'm working on a tattoo design, despite the reflexive OMG I'm not gonna get in heaven with ink (fuck you very much to the pastor that embedded that particular gem when I was only 8).

I keep getting in fights with my mom because I don't let her walk all over me anymore (contrast that with my adolescence - I was never allowed to voice my own opinion and had to keep a submissive demeanor at all times). If it weren't for the fact that my house is owned by my parents, I'd come out of the closet to everyone, but my husband has to finish school first. My parents are fundies and would probably kick us out.

I have this strong desire to antagonize my facebook friends whenever they start posting bible verses or things like "I'm so blessed, look how awesome my life is" false modesty bullshit. I saw a recent posting of a Hitler quote and bible verse on a fucking billboard advocating childhood indoctrination, and I went off. People were actually defending it (I'll post it in a new thread). Then my mom called me upset thinking I was denouncing christianity (cause I was), and I had to lielielie and delete my post. Felt like teenage drama. I may delete my fb account to prevent further occurances.

OP mentioned "curse too much" (I'll figure out how to quote on my next post.. newbie here), surely not. Embrace your freedom of speech. I find my favorite word is fuck, whether its an adjective, exclamation, verb, adverb, noun.... juvenile, maybe. Makes me feel better? Definitely. One could even make the argument that cursing is healthy because it decreases stress. Just let it fly, you'll feel better Smile

Growing up again? Just reading my post I feel like I should go wash my face with proactiv, watch MTV, pirate some music off Napster, and text my husband everything I ate today. Apparently my repressed 15 yr old self is making a reappearance.
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12-08-2014, 12:13 AM
RE: growing up again, what about you?
I'm going through something similar as well. I'm a 29 year old female, married, no kids, have walked around with a bible in my back pocket my whole life. I lost my mother last year to an accidental pill overdose, & I am working on getting on the transplant list for a new kidney. Needless to say, things are changing. I find it hard to talk to anyone in my family about this, including my husband, because my family thinks of atheists as hell-bound heathens.
I like the world out of my new eyes, I find comfort in being alone & honestly, I just do whatever the hell I want these days & I just don't care who has something to say.

Faith is believing in something you know ain't true.
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18-08-2014, 03:47 AM
growing up again, what about you?
I'm older than the OP by a bit. I'm coming to terms with being raised by an overbearing mother and an absentee father.

I walked home one day in grade school, after the latest beating with a backpack full of books, and told mom I wasn't going back.

Mom was a Parent Ed teacher for the city. I was left home most days out of the week with my sibling. No assigned curriculum. As near as I can tell, Mom was conducting an experiment after Joseph Chilton Pierce's "The Magical Child," and "allowing" me to "set my own curriculum."

This involved being left to my own devices for 6-7 years, while mom "worked" and instructed other mothers how to parent.

Flash-forward decades later, and there are many opportunities I wish I'd taken fuller advantage of. I was a college junior as a teenager. I did not know at the time tuition was being taken out of a college fund set up by my grandparents.

Nor could I predict, as someone with no formal training outside of whatever I was interested in and checked out from the library, walking around my home town during school hours, that I would be at an absolute loss when it came time to declare my major.

When I did, I picked something that interested me, took as many classes as I could, ignoring GE requirements. I was taking the city bus to school. I had no idea what those requirements would mean later on.

I took, and passed a high school proficiency exam after many hours of sweat and tears, trying to memorize what I would need to know for the test.

I spent the same number of years bitter and angry about what I feel was done out of convenience by an unfit parent trying to rebuild the education curriculum I has lost in the same amount of time; only to be blamed for not choosing a major more wisely, not "buckling down" in Math classes where I would count on fingers under the desk to solve problems, not even knowing my Times Tables.

I'm still angry, but the anger doesn't do any good. It isn't productive. I can't rewind time, I can't know what went on in my parents heads. I have been trying to reverse-engineer the human interaction most people get in high school for almost a decade and a half, hiding my lack of knowledge out of shame: Fear of being made fun of for not knowing what most kids knew years ago, fear of being different, damaged, or just not good enough.

Every time I try to explain my situation, I'm given a variation on the "Just Pull Yourself Up By Your Boot Straps" speech, usually by people with a career path planned out before they were born, a high school education, solid parenting, and a clear goal laid out for them in the future beyond high school.

I don't know if I'm over-sharing. I don't care, and I don't really get what those rules mean, or how to overcome the assumption that I'm lazy or stupid for having huge gaping holes in my general education.

All I know is I've been riding a cycle of depression and despair, and seemingly boundless opportunity, if I can just walk a tightrope to reach it.

I too feel like a child. An adolescent knowing what he wants, but trying to figure out how to get there. My "rebellious" stages happened after I turned 21.

So if you feel like you're mentally back in middle school:
No, it's not weird. It's figuring out you have more potential choices than you thought you did, and trying to pick a path before it's too late.

“It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.”
― Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes
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20-04-2015, 02:21 AM
RE: growing up again, what about you?
Yes! I definitely feel like I'm going through "teen angst" again! Although rather than christianity, I stopped being a pagan who believed in some really weird stuff... In high school/middle school I believed in spirits and thought I was going to be able to astral project, leave this world, and not deal with people... And then near the end of high school a few years ago I realized that was just not possible. So now I'm having to grow up all over again, preparing myself for a new future, and learning real skills because I sure wasted a lot of time trying to learn false abilities...
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