holding a grudge against my mom
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12-02-2015, 10:34 AM
holding a grudge against my mom
About 2 years ago I found out my dad is not my dad. Some other guys is that had no idea I existed. We have since made contact and had a dna test done. However I've only seen him 3 times as it seems that his family wants nothing to do with me. When I have seen him he seemed very interested and wanted to know about me and my life. I got the impression if he had known about me he would have been in my life.

I have another brother and sister. My brother and his wife have taken me in as family. However my sister wants nothing to do with me. My brother said it all boils down to him mom who is making the family all miserable if they have contact with me.

Ok so I blame my mom for this mess. Of she had have done the right thing or even told me when I was younger instead of waiting til I was almost 40 and them I had to pry it put of her as I done my own research and knew the truth. She wasn't going to tell me even when presented with evidence. My husband had to get a little forceful in his voice to get her to talk. Since at that point I didn't have his name.
I guess my question is can or will I ever get over this? I wish my bio dad would make a little more of an effort though however nothing I can do about that. Wish I could but it just seems be going so dang slow.
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12-02-2015, 11:33 AM
RE: holding a grudge against my mom
Deja vu.

My story parallels yours closely.

The guy who raised me, in his special shitty way, died a year after the news broke. I've met the bio dad and found out he lived four houses down from me from birth to 3yo. Then we moved away. He lived there for most of my adult life. I was able to find him in minutes after learning his name and thanks to the dotcommachine.

I also have a new brother and sister I've not met yet and don't have much interest.

I figured he had 38 years to find me and explane what happened but didn't.

I've not spoken to my mother or family for over a decade. I'm regretting nothing.
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13-02-2015, 03:26 PM (This post was last modified: 13-02-2015 03:36 PM by Toney.)
RE: holding a grudge against my mom
Your dad is not your dad? Hummmm... Was this "dad" the guy that took care of you? Put food on the table? Raised you from a pup? If so.... that's your "dad". The other guy was just a guy who impregnated your mother. If you had a dad all your life, then that's you dad. Sounds like you might want to tell the mad that. He's the one that is losing everything here. The other guy didn't do anything for you but fuck. Is that what a father is? Someone who fucked your Mother once? Is a Brother just someone who came out of the same vagina as you?
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13-02-2015, 03:30 PM
RE: holding a grudge against my mom
He is daddy. I was just trying to say it in the simplest way. Sheesh
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13-02-2015, 03:32 PM
RE: holding a grudge against my mom
Besides this guy that impregnated my mom as you say had no idea about me. I blame my mom for this mess. And that if he had known he would have been in my life. Please let not take this on that path. I want to stick to what my.mom did.
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13-02-2015, 05:24 PM
RE: holding a grudge against my mom
Sorry purple - it's a hell of a thing to find out a parent lied about something so very important.

My son found out when he was getting ready to graduate from high school that he has a sister who is four months younger than he is. I might add, that's also when I found out.

That was pretty much the death knell as far as a relationship between he and his pretty absent father.

Some parents feel a need to lie to protect themselves from something. The truth has a way of coming out and the parent(s) involved find themselves looking like complete crap when it does.

You have to work out how to proceed with your mother.

Has she given you a reason for keeping this a secret?

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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13-02-2015, 05:31 PM
RE: holding a grudge against my mom
She said that when she found out she was pregnant she was already married and heard he was dating someone else. So she just let it go and let me believe that dad is my dad. I fell that was thr worst reason ever. She said that she didn't want me to think she kept me away from bio dad because he was a bad person because he wasnt. So no good reason at all.
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13-02-2015, 05:33 PM
RE: holding a grudge against my mom
(13-02-2015 05:31 PM)purpledaisies Wrote:  She said that when she found out she was pregnant she was already married and heard he was dating someone else. So she just let it go and let me believe that dad is my dad. I fell that was thr worst reason ever. She said that she didn't want me to think she kept me away from bio dad because he was a bad person because he wasnt. So no good reason at all.

Hug

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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13-02-2015, 05:36 PM
RE: holding a grudge against my mom
Thank u. I'm just trying to figure out how I can find peace with this or if I ever will.
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13-02-2015, 05:41 PM
RE: holding a grudge against my mom
(13-02-2015 05:36 PM)purpledaisies Wrote:  Thank u. I'm just trying to figure out how I can find peace with this or if I ever will.

You will. Finding out a parent is a liar in a big way isn't an easy pill to swallow. She surely had her reasons (whatever they are) but that doesn't mean it's okay.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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