how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
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05-02-2014, 10:24 PM (This post was last modified: 05-02-2014 10:35 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
(05-02-2014 05:54 PM)Pearl Wrote:  He basically told me if I didn't believe in God than I couldn't be with him ...

I'm with DLJ, correct him. "If you can't handle a little difference in irrelevant metaphysics then why would I want to be with you? We'll just be squabbling when we should be fucking."

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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05-02-2014, 11:29 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
Your husband sounds like a control freak. He's using *your* love for him and *your* fear that he'll leave you to force you to be submissive. That's the great joy of Christianity. Women must obey men. Who knows what you'll do if you start thinking for yourself. Might even start disobeying him. My God.

The fact that he threatened you with a pistol is extremely scary and troubling. Again... it kinda says that he'll use whatever means necessary to keep you in your place. How is his love for you ? 'Cos IMO he's treating you more like a possession, like some kind of favourite cow, than an equal adult with whom one shares one's life.

My apologies if I've gone over the top with this, this kind of bullshit makes me rage. If I were you I'd think long and hard about whether I was getting a fair deal with this relationship, because a relationship where you are the owned and he is the owner is *not* love, at least on his part.

What would you do if he cheated on you ? Would you a. shut up about it and be a good wife b. tell him to shove off and get a divorce ? If you consider a, is it because you're afraid of him ? What would *he* do if you cheated on him ? The difference in your answers may tell you something about the power dynamic...

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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05-02-2014, 11:34 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
Quote:My God.

Morondog, you are the next to be stoned to death by saying the almighty, totally not sadistic, lord's name in vain.

[Image: v0jpzpT.png]
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05-02-2014, 11:42 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
(05-02-2014 11:34 PM)Alex_Leonardo Wrote:  
Quote:My God.

Morondog, you are the next to be stoned to death by saying the almighty, totally not sadistic, lord's name in vain.

Look, I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was: "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah." Tongue

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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06-02-2014, 05:27 AM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
Pearl, if you cannot be yourself then your husband is at the very most in love with someone he wants you to be.

A few questions. You mention in your blog about joining different churches. Was it his decision to join them? Do you have any say about such matters?

The atheism is not the problem, although religions teaching him that women have no rights might well be. The problem is that he does not think that you should have opinions. Rather than come out as an atheist, broach the subject by saying that you do not think that he allows you to have any personal opinions. You do not have to say what those personal opinions are. It will tell you a lot whether he denies this, gets angry or comes up with some religious justification.

Personally I'd make sure to have your essential belongings hidden away in a different location, like a deposit box or at a friend's house, in case you need to leave in a hurry. Or keep them packed in a bag that you can easily pick up and take with you at a moment's notice.
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06-02-2014, 07:24 AM (This post was last modified: 06-02-2014 11:18 AM by wazzel.)
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
Pearl I feel your pain. I have yet to point blank tell my wife, but have made it extreemly clear by my actions and opinions that I do not share the same belief as her anymore. She seems to be taking that OK. The one time I got close to telling her she broke down and cried and told me "you just have to beleive". More like a beg, but anyway......... I know it is emotional pressure from her that is keeping me quiet and one day it will come out. We do not have the best of marriages, but intentionally doing something that will hurt her is not something I look forward to doing. So now I am more or less content that on Sunday she goes to church and I go on a 40 mile bike ride and we do not fight about it. If I tell her will she leave me? I do not know for sure. My gut tells me she would but not right away. Not sure how that would work out for me in the very christian south even tho I have been a good husband, father and man to her for the past 16 years.

Sorry to hi-jack you thread. Have a bit of comfort in knowing you are not alone.
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06-02-2014, 08:13 AM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
This was an extremely hard thing for me to bring up to my husband. When we dated and first married, I was on the fence about what I believed. Not too long after we married, I came to terms with atheism (it really was a life changing thing that kinda scared me and changed the way I look at EVERYTHING). It was a couple years before I understood it enough to be comfortable talking about it, but the day I told my husband he reacted very similar to yours. He basically looked at me like I was some devil worshiping psycho that he didn't even know. What it took for him to understand were my reasons for not believing. I explained some of the stuff in the bible that I could not accept, how times have changed and the bible is just an outdated, translated pile of words, and even went to church with him (he doesn't usually go to church, but for the sake of explanation, we went together) a few times after I told him. Each week after church, I would point out what was said and why I didn't/couldn't agree with it. None of that changed his theism, but at the very least he understands that some of his religion is just bullshit. He still wasn't 100% comfortable with it, and it's not something we've talked about much since~but when some JW comes to the door or the TV mentions religion, he just laughs at my eye rolls and outbursts and makes it go away Tongue The best advice I can give you is to not turn it into a huge ordeal. Don't attack him for believing, but just explain why none of it makes sense or seems possible to you. If he really does love you, he has to respect your right to believe (or in this case, not believe) whatever you choose. He doesn't have to agree with you, but throwing an ultimatum in your face might be showing you exactly what kind of person he is.

~Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.~
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06-02-2014, 08:39 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
Full Circle. The history of "bless you" after a sneeze goes back to the Black Plague that struck the UK. Before a person died, there was a final sneeze. Because so many were dying there weren't enough priests to offer Last Rites so whomever was nearby simply said Bless you.
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06-02-2014, 08:44 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
Pearl, would you tell your husband if you had an affair so you could be honest with him? I think not. I don't get why it's become a burning issue with out. Do you feel guilty about not believing? It sound like there's a much deeper issue going on.
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06-02-2014, 08:59 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
(06-02-2014 08:39 PM)Takelababy Wrote:  Full Circle. The history of "bless you" after a sneeze goes back to the Black Plague that struck the UK. Before a person died, there was a final sneeze. Because so many were dying there weren't enough priests to offer Last Rites so whomever was nearby simply said Bless you.

Notice I said "one explanation".

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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