how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
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14-02-2014, 12:39 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
(06-02-2014 07:24 AM)wazzel Wrote:  Pearl I feel your pain. I have yet to point blank tell my wife, but have made it extreemly clear by my actions and opinions that I do not share the same belief as her anymore. She seems to be taking that OK. The one time I got close to telling her she broke down and cried and told me "you just have to beleive". More like a beg, but anyway......... I know it is emotional pressure from her that is keeping me quiet and one day it will come out. We do not have the best of marriages, but intentionally doing something that will hurt her is not something I look forward to doing. So now I am more or less content that on Sunday she goes to church and I go on a 40 mile bike ride and we do not fight about it. If I tell her will she leave me? I do not know for sure. My gut tells me she would but not right away. Not sure how that would work out for me in the very christian south even tho I have been a good husband, father and man to her for the past 16 years.

Sorry to hi-jack you thread. Have a bit of comfort in knowing you are not alone.
Its nice to know I am not alone truly. Shy I am sure like myself you would hope that the fact that you have been a good spouse for so long would be enough to keep her from leaving you. I know that I am a good wife and the fact that my husband could just leave me because of my disbelief despite the fact that I am a good and faithful wife just really hurts.

http://iamtheclosetatheist.blogspot.com/
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14-02-2014, 12:42 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
(06-02-2014 08:13 AM)kellyrm Wrote:  It was a couple years before I understood it enough to be comfortable talking about it, but the day I told my husband he reacted very similar to yours. He basically looked at me like I was some devil worshiping psycho that he didn't even know.

Yep that is exactly the look I got. It was like all of a sudden I was a horrible evil person. This hurt because I think I am a very decent person or at least I try.

http://iamtheclosetatheist.blogspot.com/
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14-02-2014, 12:43 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
(14-02-2014 12:36 PM)Pearl Wrote:  
(06-02-2014 05:27 AM)Mathilda Wrote:  A few questions. You mention in your blog about joining different churches. Was it his decision to join them? Do you have any say about such matters?

Ironically it was me that tugged him from church to church, I guess it was that part of me trying desperately looking and hoping to find some truth in all this religious junk so I could find something to cling onto to fit in. Whats funny is that I have always been the "religious leader" in our home, now I see that is because I was trying to make my mask seem real I suppose. Honestly I just really really wanted the truth and I dragged him along with me but unfortunately doing this exposed him to more religion and crazy ideals I think. Hubby is one of those blind followers type, thats how he was raised and its just his personality. I can take that journey and question things because I have always been very skeptical as part of my personality. Hubby on the other hand can't take that journey for the truth it seems because he gets so bogged down trying to be a better Christain, or Mormon or whatever. I don't know if I am explaining what I mean correctly, its hard to put in words. I feel guilty for taking him on my journey of "truth seeking" because I should have known he would get stuck along the way while I moved forward.No

In that case, just start pointing out the inconsistencies you see, start pointing out the evidence or lack there of. Find the faults and gradually lead him to a spot where you can discuss it more openly. Start small, let him know you are doubting and not taking things at their face value- gotta have proof. Just start with things you hear on the news.....question everything.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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14-02-2014, 12:45 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
(06-02-2014 08:44 PM)Takelababy Wrote:  Pearl, would you tell your husband if you had an affair so you could be honest with him? I think not. I don't get why it's become a burning issue with out. Do you feel guilty about not believing? It sound like there's a much deeper issue going on.

The issue is I feel I am not comfortable with being "fake" with the person that is suppose to be my partner in life. I just feel icky when I am having to pretend. Also we live in a very religion dominated region and the topic comes up about a zillion times a day. It gets really old when you hear those around you explaining everything that happens around you as an act of God. There is only so much inner eye rolling one can handle.

http://iamtheclosetatheist.blogspot.com/
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14-02-2014, 02:16 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
(14-02-2014 12:39 PM)Pearl Wrote:  
(06-02-2014 07:24 AM)wazzel Wrote:  Pearl I feel your pain. I have yet to point blank tell my wife, but have made it extreemly clear by my actions and opinions that I do not share the same belief as her anymore. She seems to be taking that OK. The one time I got close to telling her she broke down and cried and told me "you just have to beleive". More like a beg, but anyway......... I know it is emotional pressure from her that is keeping me quiet and one day it will come out. We do not have the best of marriages, but intentionally doing something that will hurt her is not something I look forward to doing. So now I am more or less content that on Sunday she goes to church and I go on a 40 mile bike ride and we do not fight about it. If I tell her will she leave me? I do not know for sure. My gut tells me she would but not right away. Not sure how that would work out for me in the very christian south even tho I have been a good husband, father and man to her for the past 16 years.

Sorry to hi-jack you thread. Have a bit of comfort in knowing you are not alone.
Its nice to know I am not alone truly. Shy I am sure like myself you would hope that the fact that you have been a good spouse for so long would be enough to keep her from leaving you. I know that I am a good wife and the fact that my husband could just leave me because of my disbelief despite the fact that I am a good and faithful wife just really hurts.

I know the feeling, best of luck to you.
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14-02-2014, 06:49 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
(14-02-2014 12:26 PM)Pearl Wrote:  
(06-02-2014 05:27 AM)Mathilda Wrote:  Pearl, if you cannot be yourself then your husband is at the very most in love with someone he wants you to be.
I have soooooo pondered on this too many times to admit. It makes me so sad when I consider that this may in fact be the truthConfused

I was probably being too black and white when I said this. After all, we're all more than one dimensional characters so there will still be some part of your identity that he loves. The trick is to get him to differentiate between what he loves about you and the image that you have to portray.
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14-02-2014, 07:35 PM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
Firstly, it seems like there is a deeper problem in your relationship than a difference in religious beliefs.
If he loves you then he should WANT to know your beliefs, and respect them regardless of how his differ.
Obviously he knows that your atheist if he became upset when you tried to talk about it.
It seems like he just wants you to keep your beliefs to yourself and just blindly agree with him on the subject.
You need to find someone that you can be honest with.
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15-02-2014, 02:28 AM
RE: how to gauge if you should tell a loved one your atheist?
(14-02-2014 12:21 PM)Pearl Wrote:  
(05-02-2014 11:29 PM)morondog Wrote:  The fact that he threatened you with a pistol is extremely scary and troubling.

ok, i think I might have been to vague in my blog post about the whole pistol thing. He didn't threaten me with a gun, he simply went outside to shoot it off to let off some steam. I have never worried about him actually hurting me physically. Not trying to defend his action just want to be clear.

I still consider his behaviour threatening as you have described it. It doesn't need to have been verbalized and you didn't need to be worried that he'd shoot you. All that it needs to have been was a deliberate action to make you afraid.

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If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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