how to tell my parents of my deconversion
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
24-08-2013, 05:04 AM
RE: how to tell my parents of my deconversion
(23-08-2013 11:40 AM)Minimalist Wrote:  I have to agree with cjlr. Wait, if at all possible. You are in a vulnerable position and even if you inwardly cringe every time they start with the god shit you really can't take the chance that they would make your life a living hell while trying to "save" you (religious types are so pretentious!) from it.

See if you can develop some outside interests. If you have things you'd rather do than church activities they may put it off as a "phase." You're at the age for it. I frequently tell my two that they were lucky to make it to 15 because when they were 14 they were such assholes.

Come here to vent. Don't tell them off. You have too much to lose. Yes, it is dishonest....but so is religion.

Yeah... Just that it's really hard. I wanna have a good relationship with my parents and I feel quite distant now. I'm making them sad with not going to church and all that. I guess christianity was like my safety blanket, like my caffeine addiction. Makes me feel 'good' but it's much more harmful than beneficial. Thanks for the advice... Means a lot. :')

Music is my religion
- Jimi Hendrix
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
24-08-2013, 05:44 AM
RE: how to tell my parents of my deconversion
(23-08-2013 08:22 AM)cjlr Wrote:  Honestly? I'd wait. As a minor you're totally dependent on them, and you do not want to screw up that relationship. It can sound a little dishonest to frame it that way, but you don't know how they'll react; it might only be something they can deal with at a distance, and you don't have that distance.

... Or they might be calm and patient and just pray for you behind closed doors. You're the one who knows them. How do you think they might react?

At the same time, you don't want to force yourself to play along, to act dishonestly, to hide part of yourself.

Thus ends my utterly inconclusive advice.

(23-08-2013 11:40 AM)Minimalist Wrote:  I have to agree with cjlr. Wait, if at all possible. You are in a vulnerable position and even if you inwardly cringe every time they start with the god shit you really can't take the chance that they would make your life a living hell while trying to "save" you (religious types are so pretentious!) from it.

See if you can develop some outside interests. If you have things you'd rather do than church activities they may put it off as a "phase." You're at the age for it. I frequently tell my two that they were lucky to make it to 15 because when they were 14 they were such assholes.

Come here to vent. Don't tell them off. You have too much to lose. Yes, it is dishonest....but so is religion.

Both of these guys make good points and i agree, wait, make sure you can stand on your own before you come out (for all intents and purposes, this is coming out if the closet.) i deconverted at 25 i still waited more than a month before telling my mother, and i got lucky she didnt reject me, but she does try to "save" me occasionally.

For now stick with it, keep up appearances. Go to church occasionally, just to keep the parents happy. Come here to vent, and for advice. Most (if not all) of us have been though this. We can help.

Assume nothing, Question everything
Assumptions build barriers, Questions break them down
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
24-08-2013, 06:02 AM
RE: how to tell my parents of my deconversion
Sing 'em a song. Smile

[Image: opforum1.png]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes frankiej's post
24-08-2013, 07:00 AM
RE: how to tell my parents of my deconversion
I agree with the previous posters.
If they dont reject you,they're going to try saving you,wich means much more god stuff. If they reject you while you're not independent,then you're in a realy bad position. Wait till you are 18 or finished college

KC IS A LIAR!!!! HE PROMISED ME VANILLA CAKES AND GAVE ME STRAWBERRY CAKE Weeping
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
24-08-2013, 08:18 AM
RE: how to tell my parents of my deconversion
What others said.
Plus, just to satisfy your curiosity, you may try to observe how your parents react if they hear anything about atheism, atheists, atheist friends, deconversion... Frame it as if you're a concerned Christian.
At worst, their reaction should teach you fear and make you glad you're not their object Shocking
If you already know of some of their reactions, just share them here. Did they ever meet a real live public unbeliever, or are unbelievers just boogey men who don't really exist?

Btw, one can choose a pretentious nickname and then grow into it. Worked for me Thumbsup

If you claim there are nuances to principles, there are no nuances to getting arrested or shot for disobeying the power.
The Venus Project
FreeDomain Radio - The greatest philosophy show on the web!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Luminon's post
30-08-2013, 09:15 PM
RE: how to tell my parents of my deconversion
Deconverting has been a very length process for me which involved a temporary "outing" to my mom. I've gone into it elsewhere on the forum and if you really want to find it, just click on my name and go to my posts. From personal experience, though, if possible wait. It might seem like hell for a while, but it's for the best considering you're a minor. Your parents might try and convert you back, send you to a Christian school, etc. You're still dependent on them and you need to think about you're best interests both physically and emotionally. HOWEVER, if you feel like you just can't wait until you're no longer a minor to tell them, then tell them. I will say that the last year before you no longer have to depend on your parents is the most difficult one. You feel like you just want to tell SOMEONE. Anyone. That's where this forum comes in handy.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: