i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
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31-10-2016, 07:28 AM
i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
ok. So i was friends with this amazing girl. we both deeply cared about each other since the day we met. a week in and we knew almost all of each others deepest darkest secrets. we r both cutters. we r both depressed. we both have really difficult homes. im on anti depressants. she isnt. she cuts much more than i do. with in that week we cared about each other were scared for the other and knew that we needed each other. at least as friends and a shoulder to cry on and someone to look out for each other. neither of us had any other friends. about two months of being best friends. knowing everything. missing each other when we were gone cuddling and saying i love you. we finally started going out. it happened cause we had one rough convo about it but decided it was too risky cause we needed each other. but then people kept asking us if we were and we just couldnt hide the fact we wanted to be more. now im 14 shes 13. both our birthdays our are soon. shes in grade 8 im in grade 10. weve gone through a lot in the now 5 months wve been dating. weve gone through a lot no one should have to. she cut again after promising not to. her cutting scares me cause im afraid to lose her and im afraid it will go to far. she gets very depressed and talks about suicde a lot when she is upset which makes me even more concerned. i got grounded on our anniversary without a phone she thought i stood her up. but we got through all of that. and we did it toghther i like to think those things made us stronger. now we know all of each others secrets know each others emotional triggers. but now we r going through something idk if we can survive. heres the situation. ive met her mother for about 5 seconds once before we were dating. she nvr wanted me to come around cause she hates her mom. her parents are divorced family issues etc. i was trying o respect that. ive met her father a bunch. i came to his second wedding. i was one of the 20 invited guests. her dad loves me. but her mom hates me thinks im shy and we r clingy and wanted us to break up since 3 weeks after we started dating. now she was bragging about how cute we r and then all of a sudden she flat out hated me. i didnt do anything ive nvr made her late ive nvr had sex with her shes nvr come home covered in hickeys so what changed idk. but then it hit me. i called the home phone which has caller idea and my full name came up. im a person of colour she is not. i think her mom probably is racist and not admiting thats why cause thats the only thing that changed. but after that happened. my gf got grounded indefinetly. for the reason she wouldnt break up with me. then her mom ungrounded her and said we had to break up. so we pretended we broke up she wasnt grounded it was ok. it wasnt even great we had to hide all the fucking time. hide our texts nvr call each other. it was hard. but we were making it work. her dad liked me so h and his wife her step mom knew we were still toghther. well we got caught togther by her mom 3 days ago. shes grounded again. just cause we were togther. and her dad doesnt even want to know about us or even if she cuts anymore cause hes afraid of getting in trouble from the mom and losing visitation. weve talked through a forum twice. its what we did the whole time she was grounded last time. but as it is right now we can text through a forum and i can see her for a half hour 4 days a week. we will nvr be able to do anything walk anywhere even when she isnt grounded. im scared. i dont want to lose her. but idk if this is good for her. i dont want to lose her and idk what to do. both my gf and my gfs dad have said its useless talking to her mother and trying to convince her to change her mind. idk what to do advice plz?
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31-10-2016, 07:41 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
First, Hug

This is a tough situation. But I think with everything going on, maybe just be friends for now and you can both be a support for each other that way. Then, when she is 18 and out from underneath her mother's thumb, she can do what she wants.

You sound like a great guy, so I'm sure it's not anything you are doing and the mother is just Hobo It sounds like she is very controlling. If your girlfriend is seeing a therapist (which I hope she is), this would be a good thing to talk to the therapist about.

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this, but you can always come here for support Heart
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31-10-2016, 07:53 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
Your girlfriend really needs to see a therapist to help her through this, and you need to support whatever the therapist recommends. A therapist might also talk some sense into the mom.

Right now I am not sure if your friendship helps her or adds more pressure. Does her mom know she cuts?

If you have a therapist ( I assume so since you are on anti depressants), talk to him/her about it, too. I think because you both cut it's best to get a professional opinion.

You sound like a very nice person, welcome to our forum. Smile

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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31-10-2016, 10:29 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
the problem is that i need her and not only do i not want to be just friends but it would break her and id lose her, and neither of us have anyone else. as for therapists we r both on about a 2 year long waiting list
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31-10-2016, 10:32 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
also when her mom seen us toghther we werent even holding hands we would have to hide being friends just as much as we r dating. and i cant lose her. and shes told me lots of times how i literally saved her life and she has no one else i dont think it would be better if i wasnt there for her.
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31-10-2016, 11:16 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
i have to see her in 3 hours idk what to do
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31-10-2016, 11:21 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
(31-10-2016 11:16 AM)Jsix Wrote:  i have to see her in 3 hours idk what to do

Just take a minute to breathe. You don't need to make a decision right now today. Why not take some time to think about things, make sure you are making the right decision for both of you, and then proceed with whatever it is you decide to do. Why not just go and enjoy spending time together today.
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31-10-2016, 11:22 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
(31-10-2016 10:29 AM)Jsix Wrote:  the problem is that i need her and not only do i not want to be just friends but it would break her and id lose her, and neither of us have anyone else. as for therapists we r both on about a 2 year long waiting list

Unfortunately though, it seems her mom is not giving you much of a choice. Why is there a two year wait for a therapist?
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31-10-2016, 11:23 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
theres not a lot avaliable in my city. unfortunately
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31-10-2016, 11:24 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
im just scared can we really survive hiding for however long it is until her mom doesnt care
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