i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
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31-10-2016, 11:26 AM (This post was last modified: 31-10-2016 11:29 AM by SYZ.)
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
G'day Jsix, and welcome to the forum. Smile

I'm truly sorry to hear of this scenario, and the very first thing is to acknowledge—and believe—that none of this is your fault in any way. Sometimes our brains themselves can get confused, and lead us to do less than advisable things—like cutting.

Cutting can (inappropriately) trigger your body’s chemistry: The body naturally produces chemical compounds called endorphins. Endorphins are released to help the body deal with pain and stress. In fact, endorphins cause an actual high designed to cover over real physical pain. And cutting causes real physical pain.

You might have heard of "runners high"? This is simply the release of endorphins into the bloodstream when someone puts their body through something extremely physically challenging. This high, or euphoria, is extremely addictive.

Much of the same thing happens when you cut. Your brain is flooded with endorphins, which gives you a rush, and a sense of calmness and relief that makes you feel like everything is OK. Some cutters claim the high can last up to 90 minutes but what happens when that high wears off?

Endorphins manage physical pain, as well as emotional. When someone cuts, endorphins are released and help cover up the emotional and physical pain. It will make you feel better for a few minutes and then you will crash again. Eventually your body will build a tolerance to it and you will have to cut deeper and/or more frequently and more cuts at one time to get the same effect as before. The problem is that the feel good quickly can turn to a feel bad, or worse, to an addiction.

I'm hoping that you're currently seeing your therapists on a regular basis, and that you're listening carefully to what they're saying, and acting on their advice. [EDIT: I apologise Jsix; I didn't see the 2-year waiting list problem] You need to let them know that the antidepressants are not working, and also check with your partner to see if she's amenable to consulting with a doctor, and seeking appropriate therapy and/or medication. You need to ensure your doctor(s) are what's known as Pediatric Psychiatrists (or Psychologists) as they're specifically trained in treating adolescents (13 to 18 years)—as distinct from mature adults.

After confirming that it's OK with your treating doctor, you might like to get in touch with TheHopeLine at THIS site.

Please keep in touch, and let's know how you're travelling (in your own time of course).

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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31-10-2016, 11:26 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
(31-10-2016 11:24 AM)Jsix Wrote:  im just scared can we really survive hiding for however long it is until her mom doesnt care

I think it's going to be really hard to do that.
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31-10-2016, 11:31 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
thanks. ive stopped cutting she is trying to stop cause she knows it terrifies me. idk what to do about us tho. and jenny i know thats what im scared of
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31-10-2016, 11:34 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
(31-10-2016 11:26 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(31-10-2016 11:24 AM)Jsix Wrote:  im just scared can we really survive hiding for however long it is until her mom doesn't care

I think it's going to be really hard to do that.


I agree. It's gonna be impossible to realisticall continue on in this manner—being furtive and hiding your relationships from parents etc. As I suggested earlier, you can always ring a help-line—and be reassured that they're happy to talk with you on just a first-name basis, and that any/all personal information you give them is held in strict confidence under government laws.

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31-10-2016, 11:35 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
also im not trying to be an asshole i know i put it in that she cuts. but can we not talk about that. i legit have flash backs to her arm covered in scabs from last time and it makes me cry and gives me nightmares. which is why she is trying so hard to stop
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31-10-2016, 11:36 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
(31-10-2016 11:31 AM)Jsix Wrote:  thanks. ive stopped cutting she is trying to stop cause she knows it terrifies me. idk what to do about us tho. and jenny i know thats what im scared of

I'm glad you've stopped cutting and I hope she stops too, is there any way she can get to a therapist sooner since she is clearly in a crisis with the cutting? What country/state are you in?

I know it's really hard (especially if this is your first love) but you guys may just have to wait it out until she turns 18 and you'll just have to do your best to be supportive of each other from afar. I know it's scary and it hurts and I'm sorry for that but her mother is not leaving you much choice.
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31-10-2016, 11:37 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
but is it better to end things now with closure of us being happy and maybe still have each other s backs but risk her hating me cause she doesnt want us to end. or just let it play itself out?
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31-10-2016, 11:38 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
(31-10-2016 11:31 AM)Jsix Wrote:  thanks. ive stopped cutting she is trying to stop cause she knows it terrifies me. idk what to do about us tho. and jenny i know thats what im scared of


I'm really pleased to hear that Jsix. That's a major positive for you; I commend your will-power and increasing self-confidence. Bear in mind though, that if your partner doesn't choose to stop cutting in the short term, it's not your fault in any way at all. Ultimately it has to be her decision, but you can and should provide lots of support and positive reinforcement to encourage her. And by doing this, you won't be letting her down as a friend.

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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31-10-2016, 11:38 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
shes been clean for a few months now. if she does it again there is therapy. but its more difficult to get into
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31-10-2016, 11:40 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
i know that im not to blame for her cutting. all i can do is try to be there for her. she took the time to explain that to me before we even started dating
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