i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
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01-11-2016, 05:57 AM (This post was last modified: 01-11-2016 07:15 AM by Velvet.)
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
I don't want to sound like an insensible guy, but at your age my biggest problem was that I had to evolve Kadabra into Alakazam, but that was impossible without a trading-cable, fortunately I could work at such young age and managed to buy it with my own money = ]

Now, on your problem, first of all calm down, you are overreacting, I know this girl right now feels like is the ''only thing you have in your life" but that couldn't be further from the truth, there are people at your age that starve to death on many countries, there are others, living on zone of war that go to sleep not really sure if they will wake up next day.

What is my point saying this?

My point is, again, that you need to calm down, and be rational, and see your situation as it really is, you are in love with a girl, both of you are still young adults (at best) that need psychiatrist attention, and that's it.

Most moms ''hate'' their 13 year old's boyfriends, because they are trying to protect their daughters that are way too young for any serious relationship, they also must focus on their study for the future, which is way more important than any relationships right now. (I'm giving you an example of how her mother might think)

Try to understand her mother in that sense and give it time, if you are a good boyfriend for her daughter she will eventually realize that and accept you (even if she is racist), and if she doesn't then you just gotta wait until you both are 18 and move out to make your own life.

Try to look at your story on a more neutral and rational perspective so that you can reason properly, you are being way too emotional (which is understandable) and this can only cloud your judgement.

I know is hard, but try, try to think rationally and look your situation as it is, and stop cuting yourself, you don't need that, you can be way stronger than you think you are, and stop treating yourself like a weak person, you are not.

She also doesn't need to cut herself, no one needs to do this to feel better, there's nothing "to understand her" of it, her mother is right about that, you are both just making yourselves less and less capable of dealing with your life issues by using this scape goat, and your problems are already quite easy to deal with, when comparing to people that have real problems like, not having enough food, or are fighting cancer everyday just to remain alive, so I say you are both strong enough to face all of it without resorting to this kind of practice.

That which can be destroyed by the truth should be.”
-P.C. Hodgell - Seeker’s Mask - Kirien
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01-11-2016, 06:35 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
I too do not wish to be insensitive but Velvet has given you some excellent advice also emotions in youngsters of your age are absolutely huge they have the ability to dwarf practically everything else in your life which makes them potentially extremely destructive if they overwhelm you, adults parents in particular know this which is why sometimes they may appear thoroughly unreasonable. The most important thing you need to do is to reign things in. I'm sorry to have to say I think you are both way too young for a serious relationship the last thing either of you need is to become emotionally and psychologically dependent on each other. I know this is probably not what you want to hear but I have to say it how I see it and its not personal attack on younger people also no one is at fault or weak, sadly one of the downsides of being a young person in our technologically advanced world.is that there is huge pressure to grow up too quickly. Good luck and welcome to TTA.
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08-11-2016, 08:00 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
(01-11-2016 06:35 AM)adey67 Wrote:  [...] I'm sorry to have to say I think you are both way too young for a serious relationship the last thing either of you need is to become emotionally and psychologically dependent on each other. [...]

I didn't risk saying exactly this because initially I didn't wanna sound like a know-it-all old fart. But you've nailed it perfectly, and expressed it non-judgmentally... kudos.

At 13, the young lady is not—realistically—psychosocially mature enough for any sort of deep and meaningful long-term relationship. Ideally, she should be out and about with her female peers, not locked into a one-on-one relationship [sic] with a young man barely into his teenaged years himself.

And I can only agree that the cutting issues need some professional therapeutic input, and as soon as possible.

Jsix (and his parents) may find THIS article of some interest; it discusses the pros and cons of teenaged relationships from a psychological viewpoint.

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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08-11-2016, 08:37 AM
RE: i love her but is it time to give up?ADVICE PLZ
(08-11-2016 08:00 AM)SYZ Wrote:  
(01-11-2016 06:35 AM)adey67 Wrote:  [...] I'm sorry to have to say I think you are both way too young for a serious relationship the last thing either of you need is to become emotionally and psychologically dependent on each other. [...]

I didn't risk saying exactly this because initially I didn't wanna sound like a know-it-all old fart. But you've nailed it perfectly, and expressed it non-judgmentally... kudos.

At 13, the young lady is not—realistically—psychosocially mature enough for any sort of deep and meaningful long-term relationship. Ideally, she should be out and about with her female peers, not locked into a one-on-one relationship [sic] with a young man barely into his teenaged years himself.

And I can only agree that the cutting issues need some professional therapeutic input, and as soon as possible.

Jsix (and his parents) may find THIS article of some interest; it discusses the pros and cons of teenaged relationships from a psychological viewpoint.

Thanks bro Smile hopefully things will work out ok for both of them.
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