is it wrong of me
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17-07-2015, 05:39 AM
is it wrong of me
To secretly want someone in my family to tell me I need to stop telling the truth?

I should back up a little. My uncle died and I'm going to his memorial sat. I know a lot if my family will be there. We have a very big family.

My mom has always treated me like I ruined her life. She got pregnant with me very young but never told me that the man that raised me wasn't my bio dad. I found out when I was 38. And even then she straight up lied to me.

So most of my life I grew up knowing my mom didn't want me and suspecting something wasn't right about this whole dad thing.

I've always been the type that I have to know the truth weather bad or good. So when I started researching and questioning religion I was pretty much told to shut up and that no one wanted to hear it. However everyone else could say what ever they wanted.

So with that said I secretly wish either my mom or 'dad' will say something to me in front of everyone else if anything to let the rest of the family know I'm not crazy and how I'm really treated.

I'm will not bring it up. But I have this feeling that it will happen. I don't want it to happen during the memorial but its really the only time most our family will be together.

So is it wrong of me to want it to happen? I've been back and forth with this all week.
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17-07-2015, 06:11 AM
RE: is it wrong of me
Just shine on any religiousity BS they throw at you Saturday --- and come back with a vengeance another day.

Something to keep in mind - that'll make things easier......

You -- all by yourself -- are an equal or better than equal match for them, and their supposed "creator of the universe".....


Be the better person.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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17-07-2015, 09:52 AM
RE: is it wrong of me
Yes, it's wrong. You're being an attention whore.

It's a memorial for your dead uncle. To want something to happen for your own personal agenda is incredibly selfish... especially when it's supposed to be about the memory of a lost family member.

[Image: dog-shaking.gif]
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17-07-2015, 10:29 AM
RE: is it wrong of me
You have every right to be angry with your mom and "dad", but a funeral service is not the place to bait them to look bad. If they, however, show their colors on their own...
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17-07-2015, 01:41 PM
RE: is it wrong of me
I will not say a word to them about it. Only if they say something to me first.
I don't know about being an attention whore. However this is just a sample of what has happened. Most of the time I'm being told to shut up. So that makes me want to shout it from every where .

I know that it's not the time or place which is why I won't say anything or bait them into anything. But I know my parents and my brother they will have to say something. So it will be them not me.
I only say I wish they would just so their true color will shine and everyone can see what I see.
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17-07-2015, 01:56 PM
RE: is it wrong of me
(17-07-2015 05:39 AM)purpledaisies Wrote:  To secretly want someone in my family to tell me I need to stop telling the truth?

I should back up a little. My uncle died and I'm going to his memorial sat. I know a lot if my family will be there. We have a very big family.

My mom has always treated me like I ruined her life. She got pregnant with me very young but never told me that the man that raised me wasn't my bio dad. I found out when I was 38. And even then she straight up lied to me.

So most of my life I grew up knowing my mom didn't want me and suspecting something wasn't right about this whole dad thing.

I've always been the type that I have to know the truth weather bad or good. So when I started researching and questioning religion I was pretty much told to shut up and that no one wanted to hear it. However everyone else could say what ever they wanted.

So with that said I secretly wish either my mom or 'dad' will say something to me in front of everyone else if anything to let the rest of the family know I'm not crazy and how I'm really treated.

I'm will not bring it up. But I have this feeling that it will happen. I don't want it to happen during the memorial but its really the only time most our family will be together.

So is it wrong of me to want it to happen? I've been back and forth with this all week.

Yes it is wrong to secretly hope for trouble at what should be a family remberance. If it were me, I'd be secretly hoping no one tried to engage me at all. If they did I'd politely remind them this isn't the time -- rather than try to use the opportunity to educate them or make it seem to others that I'm not crazy...when in all likelihood I'd end up looking like the crazy one.

If you said you were going to a family reunion or some other family type event I might be more sympathetic. But a funeral/memorial service isn't the time or place.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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17-07-2015, 01:59 PM
RE: is it wrong of me
(17-07-2015 01:41 PM)purpledaisies Wrote:  I will not say a word to them about it. Only if they say something to me first.
I don't know about being an attention whore. However this is just a sample of what has happened. Most of the time I'm being told to shut up. So that makes me want to shout it from every where .

I know that it's not the time or place which is why I won't say anything or bait them into anything. But I know my parents and my brother they will have to say something. So it will be them not me.
I only say I wish they would just so their true color will shine and everyone can see what I see.

Regardless of the past circumstances... no matter what they are... a dead relative's memorial service will never be the time or place to do anything other than mourn his loss and celebrate his life with other family members.

It's fine that you want others to see how they really are, but that shouldn't even be a blip on the radar or a thought or a concern for the upcoming situation.

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17-07-2015, 02:01 PM
RE: is it wrong of me
(Please take the following with a grain (or heaping) of salt: remember I don't know you or your family)

Unfortunately, from what I gather, if they haven't already taken your side, the others you seek to influence probably won't see your side of things, and they won't "see" the "true colours" you are trying to reveal.
Instead, they'll probably start passing judgement on the "troublemaker" in the family. (i.e. you?)
Don't give them what they want (i.e. drama): take a deep breath, let them rant and rave, and stay cool and collected, maybe give them the withering "... whatev'" and walk away if you have to. Indifference is your friend.
In fact, aside from when you are genuinely mourning your uncle, which should be personal and is perfectly legitimate, the more you can project a calm, poised happy persona, someone who can really get by well WITHOUT THEM, the more you prove them wrong.
Your success, (in this case, your happiness) without them is the best revenge.
Just my $0.02

Your faith is not evidence, your opinion is not fact, and your bias is not wisdom
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17-07-2015, 03:46 PM (This post was last modified: 17-07-2015 03:53 PM by RocketSurgeon76.)
RE: is it wrong of me
Purpledaisies - As someone who had to leave my family behind to find peace and self-respect, far from the religious insanity of my upbringing, I have to second what Reducetarian is saying. Give them every chance you can, since you only get one family, but don't sacrifice your mental health or personal happiness to do it. It took all three siblings avoiding my parents before they realized the problem was them, not us.

This song (and the album in general) means a lot to me.

http://bg.musicplayon.com/play?v=118114
Shinedown - "Second Chance"

My eyes are open wide
By the way
I made it through the day
I watch the world outside
By the way
I'm leaving out today

I just saw Haley's comet, shooting
Said, "Why are you always running in place?"
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere

(Chorus)
Tell my mother, tell my father
I have done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance


Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close it's only for today

I just saw Haley's comet,
She waved,
Said, "Why are you always running in place"
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere

(Chorus)

Here is my chance
This is my chance

(Chorus)

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance (x4)

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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17-07-2015, 04:53 PM
RE: is it wrong of me
I won't start trouble I promise. And yes it may be wrong of me to feel this way but I'm human. Anyway I know that I have cousins on my side. Other then that idk.

I will promise to do my best. I can do that. And yes this was my favorite uncle. So sweet and a biker that was awesome that wanted everyone to get along. He has cancer and in the end it beat him. Poor guy. He will be missed
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