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21-03-2012, 01:03 PM
RE: joke
(21-03-2012 12:56 PM)craniumonempty Wrote:  The only joke that I told my mother that she liked after I became an atheist was this one. It's kind of lame, but in a way highlights the oddness of religion.

So an atheist dies and ends up at the gates of heaven. Looks around and things "wow, so there is an afterlife... and a heaven. Cool!" A person waiting nearby approaches and says they are there to show the atheists around, so they start going through all the groups of people that are gathered. "Oh, over here are the Jewish people. There are the Hindu. There are the Christians. There are all the secular people... they all seem to get along quite well together" the guide says. The atheist notices a group of people far-far away when they reach the edge of the current people. He points to them and asks "who's that over there..." "SHH!" the guide says, "you don't want them too hear, those are fundamentalists [I think I said something else to my mother, but can't remember what]. They think they are alone up here."

And of course, my favorite afterlife joke (which is why it's in my sig currently):

A theist and an atheist go to heaven.
theist: "See! There is a heaven."
atheist: "So, you consider heaven a joke too?"

The joke is, "Shhhh, those are the Calvinists. They think they're the only ones up here.

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21-03-2012, 01:25 PM
RE: joke
(21-03-2012 01:03 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  The joke is, "Shhhh, those are the Calvinists. They think they're the only ones up here.

No, that's just the way you heard it.... or was that a knock at someone? My parents probably wouldn't even get the joke if I said that... well, they might, but whatever I said was funny to my mother. I really wish I could remember, but I can't. Probably something to do with a religion in Tennessee where we lived at one time, like a type of Baptist or something. I can't even guess much more then that, because then I would be making stuff up. I do know it wasn't Calvinists. You can insert who you want when you tell it though.

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21-03-2012, 01:30 PM
RE: joke
(21-03-2012 01:25 PM)craniumonempty Wrote:  
(21-03-2012 01:03 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  The joke is, "Shhhh, those are the Calvinists. They think they're the only ones up here.

No, that's just the way you heard it.... or was that a knock at someone? My parents probably wouldn't even get the joke if I said that... well, they might, but whatever I said was funny to my mother. I really wish I could remember, but I can't. Probably something to do with a religion in Tennessee where we lived at one time, like a type of Baptist or something. I can't even guess much more then that, because then I would be making stuff up. I do know it wasn't Calvinists. You can insert who you want when you tell it though.

Yeah, I guess that's true. I've only heard it as Calvinists, though.

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28-03-2012, 06:47 PM
RE: joke
found another one

A young Irish boy falls in love with a girl and brings her home to meet his family. The boy, his girlfriend and his family gather around the dining room table and his mother asks him what she does. The girl hesitates, then says, "I'm a prostitute." The mother screams, faints and has to have water splashed in her face to bring her round. "Forgive me, my dear. But I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you say you were a prostitute?"
"Yes," says the girl. The mother laughs and says "Thank goodness. For a moment I thought you said you were a Protestant."

I'm homophobic in the same way that I'm arachnophobic. I'm not scared of gay people but I'm going to scream if I find one in my bath.

I'm. Also homophobic in the same way I'm arachnophobic. I'm scared of spiders but I'd still fuck'em.
- my friend Marc
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29-03-2012, 07:15 AM
RE: joke
How does Moses drink tea?

He-brews it!

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