my life in a shitty nutshell
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21-10-2014, 04:33 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
Does your college have living facilities - either dorms or married student housing? Around here they call it "non-traditional" student housing... lots of single moms & dads are trying to do the right thing for their kid and their selves.

See if you could get into married student housing along with your sister. Like Bows said, you are 18 and could get legal guardianship of your sister. Then your mom can fend for herself. It's not your responsibility to take care of her.

That said... get your mom's ass to a hospital. She could have internal injuries she doesn't know about.

What she's emotionally doing is not fair to you or your sister.
Time for her to woman up.

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21-10-2014, 04:47 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 04:19 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Seems to me that any car purchased with your college money should be your car.

It seems a little iffy to use the money to buy a car for your mom that she may not insure and the whole situation could repeat itself with you being on the losing end, again.

True. I mean I won't lie and say that I'm not a little upset that I'm taking money from my college funds to buy a car that won't be mine. My mom really never let me drive the car we had, and she kept it disgusting. I'm 18 and still don't have my license. Lol.

But I don't want my family becoming homeless, especially my little sister. If my dad let's me take this money for a car and she still takes my grant money for her tickets, I'm probably going to be really upset, because if she gets a car she'll have a way to continue employment.

My dad just called me back and gave me my aunt's number. She's thinking about it and she wants to talk to me about it. But she wants the car in my name, even though it was still legitimately be my moms. I'm just waiting on her to find the time to call me.
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21-10-2014, 04:50 PM (This post was last modified: 22-10-2014 04:54 PM by Chas.)
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 04:47 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 04:19 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Seems to me that any car purchased with your college money should be your car.

It seems a little iffy to use the money to buy a car for your mom that she may not insure and the whole situation could repeat itself with you being on the losing end, again.

True. I mean I won't lie and say that I'm not a little upset that I'm taking money from my college funds to buy a car that won't be mine. My mom really never let me drive the car we had, and she kept it disgusting. I'm 18 and still don't have my license. Lol.

But I don't want my family becoming homeless, especially my little sister. If my dad let's me take this money for a car and she still takes my grant money for her tickets, I'm probably going to be really upset, because if she gets a car she'll have a way to continue employment.

My dad just called me back and gave me my aunt's number. She's thinking about it and she wants to talk to me about it. But she wants the car in my name, even though it was still legitimately be my moms. I'm just waiting on her to find the time to call me.

Make sure the car is in your name - that it is your car. That way, you can insist on conditions for its use by your mother.

You are 18, you are legally an adult. Don't enable your mother to continue being not-a-grown-up.

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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21-10-2014, 04:52 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
Your college and grant money is yours. After your mom's boyfriend using your SSN for his taxes and now this, it's pretty obvious she is using you. Can't you live with your aunt, learn to drive, get a license, get a car and make your way.

It's great that you are worried about your sister but I am starting to see that you are bailing your mom out of stuff and keeping her from stepping up and doing what's right.

As long as you are there to fix things - you are going to have to always figure out how to fix things.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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21-10-2014, 04:57 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 04:50 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 04:47 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  True. I mean I won't lie and say that I'm not a little upset that I'm taking money from my college funds to buy a car that won't be mine. My mom really never let me drive the car we had, and she kept it disgusting. I'm 18 and still don't have my license. Lol.

But I don't want my family becoming homeless, especially my little sister. If my dad let's me take this money for a car and she still takes my grant money for her tickets, I'm probably going to be really upset, because if she gets a car she'll have a way to continue employment.

My dad just called me back and gave me my aunt's number. She's thinking about it and she wants to talk to me about it. But she wants the car in my name, even though it was still legitimately be my moms. I'm just waiting on her to find the time to call me.

Make sure the car is in your name - that it is your car. That way, you can insist on conditions for its use by your mother.

You are 18, you are legally an adult. Don't enable your mother to continue being not-a-groun-up.

What bothers me is that this car would still technically be hers, even if it was in my name, because I would probably never be able to use it. I never got to use our other car, even to practice driving so I could get my license.

I can't just say what I want or insist on conditions for the car because my mom will get all angry and passive aggressive with me like she usually tends to do. BUT I also do care about my mom and her well being. I would feel like shit if I didn't help her and just left her to sink in her problems, and my family would probably be awful to me if I didn't help (if I am even able to get this college money for a car- I haven't mentioned it to my mom because 1.) she hates it when I involve my dad and 2.) I don't want to get her hopes up)

Regardless of how shitty she treats me, I can't let her fuck up everything she's worked so hard for, and I can't throw my little sister's well being under the bus because of my own selfish feelings. If my mom does get the money for a new vehicle, I refuse to give her my grant money for her own tickets and fees though, because I will have already given her $3000.
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21-10-2014, 05:00 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 04:52 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Your college and grant money is yours. After your mom's boyfriend using your SSN for his taxes and now this, it's pretty obvious she is using you. Can't you live with your aunt, learn to drive, get a license, get a car and make your way.

It's great that you are worried about your sister but I am starting to see that you are bailing your mom out of stuff and keeping her from stepping up and doing what's right.

As long as you are there to fix things - you are going to have to always figure out how to fix things.

I know. I'm basically allowing myself to be a doormat, but it's hard because I don't want to see my family get evicted and end up on the streets. When I'm able to give and I keep it to myself, allowing people's problems to drown them, I feel pretty selfish.

If I am able to get this money and give it to my mom for a vehicle, I'm probably going to move in with a friend (who can provide transportation) shortly after so I'm no longer a door mat.
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21-10-2014, 05:02 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 04:57 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 04:50 PM)Chas Wrote:  Make sure the car is in your name - that it is your car. That way, you can insist on conditions for its use by your mother.

You are 18, you are legally an adult. Don't enable your mother to continue being not-a-groun-up.

What bothers me is that this car would still technically be hers, even if it was in my name, because I would probably never be able to use it. I never got to use our other car, even to practice driving so I could get my license.

I can't just say what I want or insist on conditions for the car because my mom will get all angry and passive aggressive with me like she usually tends to do. BUT I also do care about my mom and her well being. I would feel like shit if I didn't help her and just left her to sink in her problems, and my family would probably be awful to me if I didn't help (if I am even able to get this college money for a car- I haven't mentioned it to my mom because 1.) she hates it when I involve my dad and 2.) I don't want to get her hopes up)

Regardless of how shitty she treats me, I can't let her fuck up everything she's worked so hard for, and I can't throw my little sister's well being under the bus because of my own selfish feelings. If my mom does get the money for a new vehicle, I refuse to give her my grant money for her own tickets and fees though, because I will have already given her $3000.

Of course you want to help, but don't be a doormat.
If the car is in your name, it is your car. You can let her use it, but is yours.

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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21-10-2014, 05:03 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
I have a hunch that if you didn't cough up the money for a car - your mom would figure something out.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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21-10-2014, 05:04 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 05:02 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 04:57 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  What bothers me is that this car would still technically be hers, even if it was in my name, because I would probably never be able to use it. I never got to use our other car, even to practice driving so I could get my license.

I can't just say what I want or insist on conditions for the car because my mom will get all angry and passive aggressive with me like she usually tends to do. BUT I also do care about my mom and her well being. I would feel like shit if I didn't help her and just left her to sink in her problems, and my family would probably be awful to me if I didn't help (if I am even able to get this college money for a car- I haven't mentioned it to my mom because 1.) she hates it when I involve my dad and 2.) I don't want to get her hopes up)

Regardless of how shitty she treats me, I can't let her fuck up everything she's worked so hard for, and I can't throw my little sister's well being under the bus because of my own selfish feelings. If my mom does get the money for a new vehicle, I refuse to give her my grant money for her own tickets and fees though, because I will have already given her $3000.

Of course you want to help, but don't be a doormat.
If the car is in your name, it is your car. You can let her use it, but is yours.

But say, for instance, if I moved out, she would need it to continue to work to provide for my little sister. It wouldn't be mine. It would be a car in my name that I couldn't take from her, because if I did take it from her, I'd be a selfish person.
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21-10-2014, 05:06 PM (This post was last modified: 21-10-2014 05:10 PM by Atothetheist.)
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 05:04 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 05:02 PM)Chas Wrote:  Of course you want to help, but don't be a doormat.
If the car is in your name, it is your car. You can let her use it, but is yours.

But say, for instance, if I moved out, she would need it to continue to work to provide for my little sister. It wouldn't be mine. It would be a car in my name that I couldn't take from her, because if I did take it from her, I'd be a selfish person.

Let her use it until she can save up for her own car. Make it a condition. If you move out, she doesn't need to spend as much money for food, she could use that money to save up for one in her name, and then you can repossess the car in yours.

Also, I understand the compulsion to help out others. It is something I still maintain is one of your greatest traits, but you do not need to bend yourself over and take it simply to help. You can help without the need of giving everything up completely.

There is a middle ground here, we just have to find it.

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